Author’s Notes: All right. I’ll admit to being an S/R fan. But it’s all Murasaki’s fault. Really. And any couple with this much angst-potential appeals to me. And as I figure J. K. Rowling is never going to cover the specifics of their relationship in the books, I’m entitled.
Warnings: Yeah, yeah, Sirius and Lupin are a couple, don’t read if you don’t like. Going to be lots of angst and probably some violence, but since I haven’t planned anything, I don’t know for a fact.
Spoilers: Yes. Tons.
Chapter One: Christmas
Remus Lupin looked up in annoyance as his friend Sirius plucked his quill out of his fingers. “What was that for?” he asked mildly, trying to get it back.
Sirius ignored him, leaning over his shoulder. He made a tsk-ing noise with his tongue. “Moony, Moony . . . please tell me you weren’t actually going to sign that, were you?”
Remus looked down at the piece of paper on the table. “It’s a list of students staying at Hogwarts for Christmas. I am staying at Hogwarts for Christmas. I think the answer is fairly clear. Now be so kind as to give me back my quill.”
Sirius reached out with the quill and waved the feather end of it under Remus’ nose. “We’ve already had this discussion, Moony. You’re coming home with me for Christmas and that’s the last I want to hear about it.”
Remus sneezed and batted Sirius’ hand away. “And I told you, I’m staying here.” He tried to snatch his quill.
Sirius retaliated by stealing the list away as well. “Oh, look, you can spend a month with Snape or you can spend a month with me. What a difficult choice.”
Remus gave him a look that bordered on being dirty. “Don’t bring that slimy git into this. Just because his parents hate him isn’t going to deter me, Padfoot, my friend.”
Sirius perched on the edge of Remus’ chair. “Moony, why don’t you want to come home with me for Christmas? You still have not, as of yet, given me a single decent excuse.”
Remus shrugged.
“It’s obvious you don’t want to go home,” Sirius said. “As you’re planning on staying here. And really, I can’t blame you. Your parents treat you like some sort of monster.”
Remus gave him a disgusted look. “Does the word ‘werewolf’ ring a bell to you, Padfoot?”
“Oh, come on, Moony,” Sirius said, settling more comfortably on the chair and nearly falling into his friend’s lap. “I can understand keeping you locked up during the full moon, but there’s hardly a reason to do so for the other twenty-seven days of the month.”
Remus sighed irritably. “I’ve explained this to you. They don’t understand. They’re worried I might go feral and do something nasty, and I can hardly blame them. They’re not bad people, they’re just frightened.” The words ‘and disappointed’ hung in the air, unspoken. Remus rarely spoke to anyone about his parents. James and Sirius both had such wonderful families that he felt awkward talking about it around them. Peter was rather taciturn about his own family, and did not invite discussion.
“I know,” Sirius said patiently. “Which is why I want you to come to my house for Christmas.”
Remus glared at him. “Your parents don’t even know I’m a werewolf.”
“Yes they do.”
Remus stopped short. “They do?”
“Of course. I told them before I asked them if I could invite you for Christmas. I could hardly keep them from knowing if you came.” Sirius said this as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
“And they don’t mind?” Remus asked incredulously.
“Well, I won’t say Mum was begging me to get you to come,” Sirius said with a shrug. “But they said as long as we took the proper precautious, there shouldn’t be a problem.”
Remus gave him a funny look. “That’s exactly what Dumbledore said to me before letting me come here.”
“See? And he was right, wasn’t he?” Sirius smirked.
Remus sighed yet again. He seemed to do that a lot whenever Sirius was nearby. “It’s a bad idea.”
Sirius rolled his eyes. “Look, if you really want to stay here and mope for a month, there’s not much I can do to stop you. Other than steal your quill. But I’d appreciate it if you’d at least give me one decent reason.”
“I could hurt somebody,” Remus protested. “Someone in your family. Here I have the Shrieking Shack and I can stay there, but if I go with you I don’t have anywhere.” He looked away. “I don’t want to hurt anyone you care about, Sirius. It’s better if I just stay here.”
“Moony, you’re forgetting a very important factor,” Sirius said. “My parents are both wizards. My older brother is a wizard. They’re all very good wizards. I think between the three of them, they can come up with a way to keep you contained for three days.”
Remus hesitated. “But . . .”
“Oh, go on, I can’t wait to hear your new excuse,” Sirius said, rolling his eyes.
Remus glared at him, then shoved him off the arm of the chair. Sirius landed on the floor with a thud. Remus stood up and leaned over him, plucking the quill and list out of his hands. “Don’t be a prat,” he said, and began to sign his name to the list.
“Please, Moony?” Sirius said, gazing up pitifully.
Remus hesitated.
Sirius sighed, getting to his feet and rubbing his head where it had struck the floor. “Look, Remus, I know you’re not used to people giving a damn about you, but you had better get used to it. James already told me that if I wasn’t going to ask you home for Christmas, he would. Lily said the same. We’re sick of letting you stay here and be miserable for Christmas break. Partially because you’re bloody depressed when we get back and no fun to be around. If our positions were reversed, wouldn’t you ask me, and pester me until I agreed?”
Remus sighed. “Most likely, yes.”
“Then come on. My parents don’t fuss and the countryside is beautiful and it’s a whole month where you won’t have to deal with Snape or any of his goons.”
Remus looked at him for a long minute. “I’m going to regret this,” he said, scratching his name off the list.
Sirius’ face split into a wide grin. “But that’s the point of being a teenager,” he said.
****
Remus looked around the station nervously. Sirius was standing on his tiptoes, scanning through the crowd, keeping a firm hold on Remus’ sleeve as if he was afraid his friend would make a bolt for it. James had already located his parents and left. It appeared Sirius’ family was running late.
“Oh! There he is!” Sirius waved madly, then scooped up his suitcase. “C’mon, Moony!”
He tugged Remus through the crowd and came skidding to a halt in front of a tall man with black hair and eyes that matched Sirius’, but looked distinctly more organized. “Hey, big bro!”
His brother reached out and tousled Sirius’ hair. “Hey, Sirius.” He turned to Remus and smiled. “You must be Remus, right?” He extended a hand for Remus to shake. “I’m Allister.”
Remus shook his hand, feeling distinctly out of place.
“C’mon, then,” Allister said. He grabbed both their suitcases and began to weave his way through the crowd. Sirius grinned and once again began to tow Remus along.
“Did you come on the motorcycle?” he asked his brother eagerly as they left the building. “Did you?”
“Yes,” Allister said. “But you know we have to stay grounded until we leave London.”
Sirius pouted. Remus looked at him questioningly.
“Allister has this flying motorcycle,” Sirius explained. “Mum and Dad say I can have one when I graduate from Hogwarts. I love riding on it.”
“We’re all going to fit on one motorcycle?” Remus asked doubtfully.
“It has a sidecar,” Sirius said. “Though I reckon it’ll still be a little cramped.”
“This explains why you let Polaris fly home rather than bringing him in a cage,” Remus realized, naming Sirius’ snowy owl.
“Yeah,” Sirius said. “I always do. In fact, I don’t think I even own a cage for Polaris. He’s too smart to haul around places. He always finds me, no matter where I am.”
He settled into the sidecar, putting his suitcase under his feet, then moved over as Remus got in after him. “It’s awfully cramped,” Remus said, frowning.
“Oh, sit down, Moony, it’s not like you’re being asked to share a seat with Snape.”
Remus sighed (sigh count of the day: twenty-two) and got in, copying Sirius and putting his suitcase on the floor.
“All settled, you two?” Allister asked, climbing onto the motorcycle. “Right then. Off we go.”
Remus squeaked as Allister pulled out of the parking garage and floored it, unconsciously clinging to Sirius’ sleeve. Sirius smirked at him. “You all right over there?”
“It goes very fast,” Remus managed, loosening his death grip on Sirius.
“You get used to it,” Sirius said.
“Right,” Remus said.
They skidded around a corner. Remus skidded into Sirius’ lap. “Sorry!” he protested faintly, hastening back to his own small portion of the seat. For some inexplicable reason, he could feel himself turning beet red. He calmed down a little and was even able to adjust to the sensation of Allister’s driving. That worked until they got out of London and the motorcycle became airborne.
“C’mon, it’s just like flying a broomstick,” Sirius said, concerned by the fact that Remus was looking rather green.
“Broomsticks don’t go this fast,” Remus said, regaining his death grip on Sirius’ arm.
Sirius rolled his eyes. “Now I know why you never play Quidditch.”
“I’m afraid of heights,” Remus confessed, closing his eyes.
“You should’ve told us,” Sirius said reprovingly. “We could’ve taken the long way on the ground.”
“No . . . I’ll be fine . . .” Remus hid his face with his hands. “Just tell me when we’ve landed.”
“If you say so,” Sirius said.
Fortunately, the ride wasn’t a very long one. Allister touched down on an old country road framed by trees. Remus finally looked up. “It’s very pretty,” he said, admiring the ice-glazed trees.
“Isn’t it great?” Sirius enthused. “Oh, hold on, sharp turn coming up.” It was Sirius’ turn to slide into Remus’ lap, but he regained his seat without any sign of a blush. Remus felt extremely silly.
“Here we are,” Allister said, coming to a halt in front of a stone cottage. “Home sweet home.”
Sirius bounced out of the sidecar, then helped Remus out. His legs were rather shaky. “We’ll drive on the way back,” Sirius promised him. He grabbed both their suitcases and bounded up to the front door, pulling it open. A large Labrador Retriever immediately tackled him, sending him (and both suitcases) into the snow. Sirius laughed. “Get off, Amber!” He managed to shove the dog off and struggle to his feet.
Remus picked up the suitcases and held out his hand for the overenthusiastic dog to sniff. The dog took a long minute, then apparently decided he liked Remus, and began licking his hand enthusiastically. Remus laughed.
“Is that you, Sirius?” A cheerful looking woman came to the front door, wiping her hands off on her skirt.
Sirius immediately gave the woman a hug, ignoring the fact that he was coated in snow.
Remus stood awkwardly in the background, petting the dog absently and waiting to be noticed while Sirius exchanged hugs and greetings with his parents. Sirius glanced at him. “Come on, Moony, they don’t bite. Mum, Dad, this is Remus Lupin.”
“Hello, dear,” Mrs. Black said, startling Remus to no end by giving him a hug. “Come on inside, I have hot cocoa waiting. You must be frozen after that ride in the motorcycle.”
Remus was ushered inside and settled in front of the fire with a blanket and a mug of hot cocoa before he knew what was happening.
“See?” Sirius asked complacently, sipping his own cocoa. “I told you they were nice.”
****
Remus woke up the next morning to three inches of fresh snow on the ground. Sirius bounced onto his bed with all the exuberance of a fifteen year old boy on vacation. “Come on, come on!”
“Huh? Where? What?” Remus allowed himself to be hauled out of bed.
“C’mon, it’s snowing! Get dressed!”
Remus blinked fuzzily at him, then flopped back down onto his bed and burrowed under the covers.
“Moony!!” Sirius protested, flopping down again.
Remus yawned sleepily. “What time ‘sit?”
“It’s about nine. C’mon! It’s been snowing all night, this is the best time to go out!” Sirius tugged ineffectually on Remus’ wrists.
Remus managed to wake up and realized that Sirius was practically lying on top of him. He was up and across the room in seconds. “Uh, sure,” he said, looking away so Sirius wouldn’t see his blush. He fumbled around for his clothes, then looked pointedly at Sirius. “D’you mind, Padfoot?”
Sirius chuckled and bounded out of the room. “Hurry up, breakfast is ready!” he called over his shoulder.
Remus fought the blush down and dressed slowly. He had a vague notion that how he felt about Sirius just couldn’t be . . . right. It reminded him suspiciously of how James had described his feelings for Lily the day their fifth year began. It had sounded incredibly sappy. Something about the world going brighter whenever he saw her. And frogs in his stomach whenever she touched him. Sirius had laughed his ass off at James for days, but Remus had been horrified at the similarity to his own feelings for Sirius. He couldn’t possibly be getting a crush on his best friend. It was an extremely bad idea.
With this in mind, he had decided to stop feeling that way immediately, and had been very distressed when his hormones and his heart had both refused to obey.
Which was why he had so adamantly fought against this Christmas visit. Surely with a month of peace and quiet, he would realize he was just fine without Sirius, and forget about any strange feelings he had for his friend. Unfortunately, he couldn’t just announce that to Sirius, and had somehow gotten talked into coming anyway.
He dressed in an old sweater and old jeans. All his clothes were old, really. As the middle child of six siblings, most of what he had was hand-me-downs. Some of the more annoying kids at school made fun of him for it, particularly Snape. Remus usually ignored them. Sirius usually told them to stop or threatened to put hexes on them. As much as Remus hated to admit it, he liked having Sirius come to his defense.
Remus finally dredged up his courage and walked out into the main room.
“Good morning, Remus,” Mrs. Black said warmly. Remus cringed away from her a little. “Sit down and have some breakfast.”
Remus sat down and managed, “Thanks” as she put a plate of food down in front of him.
Sirius was full to bursting with energy, which made eating breakfast very difficult. As soon as Remus had finished, he grabbed his friend by the arm. “Come on, I want to go outside!”
Remus threw on his winter coat, boots, and scarf just before Sirius managed to drag him outside.
“It’s cold,” he complained.
Sirius gave him a stern look. “You have no sense of adventure. I don’t know how you ever became one of the Maurauders.”
Remus returned the stern look. “Because I was the only intelligent kid who would let you copy my homework.”
Sirius laughed. “Okay, okay, you have a point. Honestly, Moony. No one ever taught you how to have fun.”
“Oh, and you plan to?” Remus asked doubtfully.
Sirius answered that by scooping up a handful of snow and tossing it into Remus’ face.
“Why you . . .!” Remus wiped the snow off his face. “I’ll get you for that, Padfoot!”
Sirius stuck out his tongue. “You’ve got to catch me first!” With that, he took off into the forest.
Remus was not about to decline such a challenge. He went running after Sirius, but nowhere near as fast. It was rare to get this much snow in England; he wasn’t used to running in it. He wondered vaguely if they always got this much snow in this area, as Sirius seemed perfectly used to it.
His thoughts were cut off as he got another snowball right in the face.
“All right, this is serious!” he proclaimed, getting to his feet.
“No, I’m Sirius,” his friend called back.
Remus groaned. “Are you always amused by that stupid joke?”
For that remark, he was rewarded with a snowball in the back of the head. He stumbled forward and landed in the snow. The next hour was spent running around in attempts to pelt each other with snowballs.
“This is silly,” Remus said, leaning against a tree and gasping for breath. “It’s cold and I’m wet. Let’s go inside.”
“It’s not even lunchtime yet,” Sirius said, flicking a snowball at Remus’ stomach. “You’ve got no stamina, Moony.”
Remus glared at him and brushed snow off himself. “If you mean I’m not fond of running around like an idiot, you’re absolutely right.”
Sirius raised an eyebrow. “Idiot, am I?”
Remus nodded, looking superior. “Idiotic, energetic, and extremely silly.”
“We’ll see about that,” Sirius said, and tackled him, sending them both to the ground in the snow. Remus let out a strangled yelp as he found his face being squashed into the snow while Sirius simultaneously rubbed snow into his hair.
“Let go, let go!”
“Make me, Moony!” Sirius taunted.
Remus managed to squirm out of Sirius’ grasp and return the favor, making sure he managed to get snow in every square inch of Sirius’ black hair.
“All right, I give up!” Sirius managed to gasp out.
Remus sat up, breathing hard. “Serves you ri -- ”
His words were cut off as Sirius tackled him again. Unfortunately, they were at the top of a slope, and found themselves rolling down a hill.
They finally skidded to a halt at the bottom in a tangle of limbs and hair.
“Padfoot?”
“Yes, Moony?”
“I hate you.”
Sirius chuckled. “Sure you do.”
“Your elbow is jabbing into my side.”
“Yeah, well, you’re pulling my hair.”
“Well, it serves you right for keeping it so long.” Remus was hoping desperately that Sirius wouldn’t manage to turn around and see how much he was blushing.
“Well then.” Sirius sat up and managed to straighten himself out. “I’m hungry. Shall we go in?”
“Ooof.” Remus hauled himself up, rubbing his head. “I think you broke my wrist.”
“Honestly?” Sirius took Remus’ hand in his and looked at it carefully, bending the wrist back and forth. “Does that hurt?”
“Just a little.”
“It’s probably all right then.”
Remus snatched his hand back and looked away, his cheeks burning.
Sirius grinned at him. “I must’ve worn you out and frozen you solid, Moony. Your face is all red. Let’s go in.”
Remus muttered assent and followed.
****
It was by far the best Christmas Remus had ever had. There was a huge dinner and he had more than one gift. Even Sirius’ parents had gotten something, which he thought was altogether too nice of them after letting him stay in the first place. He was feeling pleasantly stuffed and completely content, lounging around in front of the fire with Sirius, Allister, and some hot cocoa.
Even the fact that the full moon was in less than a week wasn’t bothering him. Remus Lupin had not been content many times in his life, and he was refusing to let anything disturb this rare moment.
Anything, that was, except his growing sleepiness.
While Sirius and Allister had a spirited discussion about how flying motorcycles were certainly not going to replace brooms, but they definitely should, Remus dropped off to sleep. ‘Dropped’ was the correct word, as his head drooped right over onto Sirius’ shoulder.
Sirius apparently paid no attention to this, not even pausing in the sentence he was in the middle of until Allister raised an eyebrow at him. “What?” he asked blandly. “He’s tired. Let him sleep.”
With that, he put an arm around Remus’ shoulders to make sure his friend didn’t fall over entirely and continued talking.
“Sirius,” Allister interrupted, in a very amused tone of voice, “you’re blushing.”
“I’m certainly not,” Sirius said. “It’s just the light from the fire. Now where was I?”
Allister let it go, but from then on, any time he looked at Remus and Sirius, he started to snicker.
By midnight, Sirius couldn’t stop yawning. Allister rolled his eyes and told him to get to bed before he collapsed, then headed for his own room. Sirius yawned again and shook Remus slightly.
“Hmm?” Remus asked. “I’m asleep, go ‘way . . .” He sighed contently and snuggled right up to Sirius.
Sirius turned beet red, glad that Allister was no longer around to make fun of him. “Umm . . . Moony . . .”
Remus’ eyes blinked open and he looked up at Sirius uncomprehendingly. “What?”
“It’s bedtime,” Sirius said.
Remus seemed to suddenly realize that he was practically in Sirius’ lap. He turned even redder than Sirius and scooted away quickly. “Uhm . . . sorry!” he squeaked.
Sirius blinked at him. “For what?”
“N-Nothing,” Remus stammered hastily, now feeling wide awake. “Um . . . is it bedtime?”
“Yeah,” Sirius said casually, standing up and stretching. “C’mon, Moony, you’re obviously half-asleep.”
Now that the adrenaline rush was over, Remus found that he was still very tired. “Okay,” he yawned. He climbed to his feet and wandered towards the door.
“Hey, Moony?” Sirius asked.
Remus turned and blinked at him. “What?”
Sirius smirked. “Next time you want to use me as a pillow, make sure Allister isn’t in the room first.”
Remus gaped at him, but Sirius left the room before he could reply.
****
The Blacks did indeed prove up to the task of keeping Remus from hurting anyone while he was a werewolf, though they couldn’t stop his normal habit of hurting himself. When the three days were over, Remus came back to himself to find Sirius dabbing at the cuts on his face with antiseptic.
“It stings,” he murmured.
“Sorry, Moony,” Sirius said. “There’s no Pomfrey here to fix you up, so we’ll have to resort to traditional methods. It’s okay, they’re not deep, and they’re only on your face and arms.”
Remus shivered.
“Are you cold?” Sirius asked. “Sorry. I’ve got you as close to the fire as I can.”
“No, I’m fine,” Remus said, choosing not to mention that the reason he was shivering had more to do with his lack of shirt and Sirius’ proximity. Damn hormones would be the death of him yet.
“Okay, all done,” Sirius said, putting the cap back on the bottle of antiseptic. “Those ought to be fine.”
Remus sat up gingerly and looked at the cuts. “I hate being this way,” he said suddenly.
Sirius gave him a long look. “Don’t mope,” he finally said. “It’s lunchtime and it snowed again. We still have a week of vacation left. If you ruin it by moping . . .”
Remus looked down at the floor, then ran his finger over one of the healing cuts. “I still hate it,” he said.
“All right, I can see why, but at least now you’ve got friends,” Sirius said.
Remus shrugged.
“Now, come on, the three of us didn’t become Animagi just so you could mope yourself into oblivion,” Sirius said. “Now come on. Lunch.”
“Oh, all right,” Remus said.
Sirius tossed him a sweater. “Moony, you will come next Christmas, right?”
Remus pulled the sweater on slowly, then smoothed his hair down again. “I don’t want to impose, Sirius. Maybe I’ll go to James’.”
Sirius raised an eyebrow. “What if I want you to come here?”
Remus felt his heart skip a beat in his chest. “Well . . . then I guess I would have to reconsider, now wouldn’t I.”
Sirius smirked. “Good.”
****
Part Two
Home