Part Seven
Seishirou attempted to play innocent. “About what?”
Subaru gave him a Look. “I asked you what Fuuma said, and you said you’d tell me later. Well, now it’s later, and I’m feeling fine, and we have all the time we need. And I want to know what Fuuma said.”
“What did Fuuma say to you?” Seishirou countered.
“That you and I didn’t belong together and that my Wish was that I had never fallen in love with you in the first place, basically,” Subaru answered flatly. “Sound familiar?”
“Yes, that’s basically what he said to me, too,” Seishirou admitted.
Subaru paused. “I would tell you that you’re an idiot for believing him for a millisecond, but I had to second-guess myself for a while, too, so I can’t.”
“So you do - ”
“Of course not. Don’t be silly. It’s just Fuuma, like I said. He twists everything up around in my head. Yours too.” Subaru poked Seishirou in the ribs. “Don’t deny it. The point is that he’s right, but he’s wrong.”
Seishirou raised an eyebrow.
“We don’t belong together, Seishirou-san.” Subaru had a slightly wistful smile on his face. “And more than anything else in the world, I wish we did. But we don’t, and that’s fact, and I learned to deal with it a long time ago, and was fine before Fuuma started throwing it back in my face.”
“But - ”
“There’s no buts about this, Seishirou,” Subaru cut him off. “It comes down to a few basic facts. One: I love you. Two: I’m happy with you. Three: I can’t get by without you. However, if you factor in parts one and two, what’s it matter? Sure, I’m lost without you. But so what? I don’t plan on ever having to be without you. So it doesn’t matter if we don’t belong together, because we still love each other, and that’s all that really matters. I’m . . . I’m happy with you, Seishirou. Why would I ever wish that I didn’t have you? You’re the most important thing in my life, and I’m so glad I have you . . . and I promise that I’ll never, ever leave you.”
Seishirou looked at him for a long second, then pulled him into a gentle hug. “Thank you, Subaru-kun.”
“Don’t thank me.” Subaru smirked. “Thank Johnny.”
Seishirou pulled away. “Don’t tell me I owe that little bastard again.”
Subaru grinned. “You want to hear the speech he gave me?”
“Sure.”
“Reasons that you and I are a good couple, in order of . . . how did he put this? Personal to earth shaking. You make me happy. You support me and make me a more stable person, therefore making me a better clan head. This was a list of things I should tell my grandmother, by the way.” Subaru decided to leave out the one about killing indiscriminately. “We ended a feud that kept killing off Sumeragi clan heads. You aren’t fighting for the Angels and neither is Kakyou. And Hokuto approved.”
“A very good list,” Seishirou said gravely.
“Anyway, I still say the fact that we love each other is all that really matters,” Subaru said with a shrug.
Seishirou gave a half-nod of assent.
“Now, what’s still bothering you?”
Seishirou laughed. “You know me too well. Let’s walk, okay?”
“Sure.”
Seishirou got to his feet, then offered his hand to Subaru. Subaru smiled and accepted the help. “You’re sure you’re feeling okay?” Seishirou asked.
“Yes,” Subaru said firmly. Seishirou turned, still holding his hand, and they walked in silence for a while. “Now tell me what’s bothering you. Please.”
“Subaru-kun . . .” Seishirou’s voice was very soft. “Did you ever forgive me?”
-- How well did you ever forgive him?--
“I only asked you . . . that one time. And I never did after that, because I was . . . I wasn’t sure I wanted to know.” His voice drifted down to a whisper. “I was afraid. Afraid that I’d lose you.”
Subaru’s hand tightened on his for a second. “I should have brought it up; I should’ve known you never would. But it’s . . . I didn’t think of it, because forgiveness happens so slowly and so gradually that you don’t even really notice. The hurt just . . . fades . . . and eventually everything is okay, and I never even noticed. But now that you asked . . .” He stopped and faced Seishirou, cupping the older man’s face in his hands. “Of course I forgive you, Seishirou. I forgave you a long time ago.”
Seishirou let out a breath he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding and leaned against Subaru, closing his eyes. “Thank you, Subaru-kun . . .”
Subaru held him.
A long moment of silence passed, then they continued to walk. Seishirou put an arm around Subaru’s shoulders. “Why do you ask?” Subaru finally broke the silence.
“Because I wanted to know.”
“But why now?” Subaru persisted. “What did Fuuma say that brought that on?”
“That you never had forgiven me. But it . . . it wasn’t so much that . . . as what happened in the hospital afterwards.”
Subaru looked at him questioningly.
“The first time . . . I went to go see you . . . I don’t actually remember it too clearly, because I still had the concussion and I could barely see straight, let alone think straight . . . but you were having a nightmare. And you kept calling my name . . . and begging me not to hurt you.” Seishirou fell dismally silent.
Subaru was quiet a long time. “Seishirou, I can’t help what I dream.”
“But how can I be sure you forgive me when you have dreams like that, and when I . . . when I know I hurt you so much . . . I can’t even forgive myself.”
“Seishirou, how could I blame you when you didn’t even know what you were doing?” Subaru asked. “It’s like scolding a child who hasn’t even realized that you aren’t supposed to play with matches.”
“You blamed me for a long time,” Seishirou said softly.
“I was angry, Seishirou. I had a right to be angry.”
“I know.” Seishirou pushed his free hand through his hair. “I don’t blame you a bit . . . for taking so long to forgive me. I’m amazed that you ever did. Just because I had never felt pain didn’t give me the right to hurt people.”
“But you didn’t know that.”
“No,” Seishirou mused. “I suppose I didn’t.”
Another long moment of silence.
“I would never hurt you,” Seishirou said. “You know that, right?”
“Of course I know that.” Subaru leaned into him.
“Then why do you dream that?”
Subaru looked at him, and for one second his eyes were haunted. “Just because I’ve forgiven . . . doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten. I may know that you would never hurt me . . . but nightmares don’t listen to logic. My greatest fear . . . is that you would hurt me again. So it makes sense that I dream about when you did.”
“I’m sorry,” Seishirou said, unable to think of anything else to say. “I’m sorry.”
“I know.” Subaru turned and hugged him. “It’s okay . . . because you’re there to make the nightmares go away. I never have them when you’re there . . . you would’ve noticed by now. It’s only when you’re gone.”
There was a certain logic in that which appealed to Seishirou. “I . . . help?”
“Idiot,” Subaru said affectionately. “Of course you help.”
They walked together for a while, leaving the park and heading out onto the less crowded streets. “Why do you love me, Subaru-kun? You know what I am.”
“No,” Subaru corrected gently. “I know who you are. Yes, I’m aware that at times you’re a cold-blooded assassin. But not with me. Never with me.”
Seishirou looked away. “But why . . .?”
Subaru turned to him and smiled. “I love you,” he said quietly, “because you can’t hide the good there is inside you. No matter how hard you tried . . . I always saw it. You can be kind . . . and gentle . . . and compassionate. You make me happy . . . and not just by being there. You try. You go out of your way to make sure I’m happy. You’re . . . special.” He tilted his head up a little and kissed Seishirou gently. Then he turned away and began to walk again, waiting for Seishirou to follow.
They walked at least a block in silence before Subaru spoke again. “Do you know when I started loving you? And actually you, not the veterinarian you.”
“When?”
“When I realized . . . that I was right about why you had made the bet. The thought of someone being that lonely . . . and that afraid . . . that they would risk everything on a bet they didn’t believe they could win, on the off chance that they might get emotions out of it . . .”
“I never should have made that bet,” Seishirou said.
“Well,” Subaru said dryly, “while I’ll admit I would have preferred that you went about courtship like a normal person, I don’t regret it.” He tilted his head towards Seishirou and smiled.
“But it hurt you,” Seishirou said stubbornly.
“The gain was greater than the loss.”
“But the loss wasn’t necessary.”
“The ends justify the means.”
“But I could have done it differently.”
“You didn’t know that at the time.”
“You’re going to insist on winning this, aren’t you?”
“Of course.” Subaru kissed Seishirou on the cheek, then turned to face him. “I love you, Sakurazuka Seishirou-san, and I always will love you.” He stepped forward, leaning his forehead against Seishirou’s and meeting his eyes. “And it was worth every second of pain I went through to be able to say that to you.”
Seishirou put his arms around Subaru’s waist, holding him tightly. “I don’t deserve you.”
“If you didn’t deserve me, you wouldn’t have me,” Subaru murmured into his ear. “Hokuto never would’ve let us get this far.”
Seishirou couldn’t help but laugh at that. “I feel like you ought to be ashamed just to be seen in public with me,” he admitted.
Subaru gave him a funny look.
“What?”
Subaru grinned suddenly, and there was a gleam in his eye. He pushed Seishirou up against the nearest building and kissed him. Thoroughly. Seishirou’s eyes went wide for a second, then closed as he surrendered to the moment. People passing by stopped to look at them, then continued on their way.
Either two minutes or five hours later, they both heard a high-pitched voice say, “Okaasan, are they kissing?” Both of them started laughing, pulling away. They turned in time to see a red-faced woman leading a child away.
“Now,” Subaru said, facing Seishirou. “If I was ashamed to be seen in public with you, would I do that?”
“No,” Seishirou said, then smirked. “Do it again.”
Subaru just looked at him. “I’d think you could wait until we got home.”
“I don’t know,” Seishirou said. “I’ve been very frustrated while you were in the hospital.”
Subaru laughed.
“Besides,” Seishirou said as they began to walk again, “I didn’t say you were ashamed. I said you ought to be ashamed.”
“Yeah, well, I’m shameless. Hokuto taught me well.”
“What are you going to do about your family?”
Subaru shrugged. “Wait. Eventually they’ll figure out that they don’t have anyone who can replace me, since the magic does run in the bloodlines. My grandmother won’t want to let me back in, but she doesn’t control the Council, apart from in her dreams, and they’ll reluctantly ask me to resume my position. They won’t like it, and she’ll hate it, but they don’t really have a choice. Right now I’m not going to argue because I don’t have time anyway. They’ll never accept you, and I don’t really care.”
“Really?”
Subaru smiled. “Really.” He took Seishirou’s hand and they turned the corner. “Did I soothe all your doubts and insecurities?”
“I think you got them all,” Seishirou said with a nod. “One question, though . . . what are you going to do . . . about Kamui?”
Subaru sighed, looking bewildered. “I have no idea. I don’t want to hurt him . . . he’s been through Hell and I don’t want to make it worse. But I’ll never feel about him . . . the way I feel about you. And I’m not even sure if he’s actually falling in love with me, or if he just latched onto me because I was there when he needed me. I think I’ll have to wait to see what happens before I can decide what to do.”
“Okay.” Seishirou nodded, looking satisfied.
“Feel better?” Subaru smiled and poked him in the ribs.
“Like a twenty-ton weight was lifted from my chest,” Seishirou admitted, looking rather sheepish, a word that could not often be applied to Seishirou.
“That’s what you get for bottling things up,” Subaru said disapprovingly.
“You’re one to talk.”
“Good point.”
“Did you eat at the hospital?”
“If you could call what they served food, yes, but I’m hungry.”
“Want to go out for a late lunch before we head home?”
Subaru pondered. “Sure we can’t go straight home?”
Seishirou laughed. “You need to eat, Subaru-kun.”
“Oh, I know. Lunch it is.”
“I bought a carton of strawberries to celebrate your homecoming,” Seishirou said with a nod. “That is . . . if you’re up to it?” He gave the Sumeragi an appraising glance.
“My injuries can take the strain,” Subaru said with a crooked smile. “And if we don’t get to celebrate, I might lose my mind.”
“Lunch first.”
“Sure, sure.”
It was about a fifteen minute walk to a nearby café they frequented. The waitress showed them to a booth and tried not to look surprised when Seishirou sat down, then Subaru scooted in on the same side as him.
“Subaru-kun,” Seishirou said, trying to sound firm as Subaru put a hand on his knee, “we’re not going to get any eating done if you sit here.”
“I know.” Subaru smirked. “It’s not my fault. I wanted to go straight home.”
Seishirou cleared his throat and nodded significantly as the waitress walked back over. They both ordered, then were left on their own. “We couldn’t go straight home, because you hadn’t eaten.”
“So?” Subaru asked, his hand inching up Seishirou’s leg.
“So . . .” Seishirou blinked. “You need to eat.”
Subaru pouted. “I could’ve eaten later . . .”
Seishirou sighed. “Let’s talk about something else.”
“Something other than eating?” Subaru’s eyes had a wicked gleam.
“Subaru-kun . . . that’s unfair.”
“Just remember this is your fault.”
Somehow, the two of them managed to make it through lunch, though just barely. The walk home took a little longer than it normally would have, due to frequent stops for kissing. It was mostly because of Subaru’s sense of propriety that they made it back to the apartment at all. Unfortunately, they had a six-story elevator ride to endure. Seishirou took this opportunity to push Subaru up against the wall and kiss him.
“Seishirou-san!” Subaru pulled away long enough to protest. “We’re in a public elevator! Someone might noti . . . nnnn . . .” His words dissolved into moaning as Seishirou started fumbling with the button of his pants. “Seishirou . . .”
There was a loud ding and the elevator door opened. Subaru stared to giggle helplessly as he looked over Seishirou’s shoulder and saw an open-mouthed, red-faced elderly woman standing there. “G-Gomen,” he managed through his laughter. “This elevator’s full . . .” He reached out and fumbled for the close door button.
Seishirou pressed him up against the wall of the elevator, pinning him into place. “This elevator’s full?” he asked with raised eyebrows.
Subaru snickered. “I didn’t see you saying anything . . .”
The elevator arrived on their floor and Seishirou pulled Subaru out of it. They managed to make it to their doorway, though not inside, because Seishirou felt the need to pin Subaru up against it and kiss him again while he fumbled with his keys. After a long moment, he managed to let them into the apartment.
“Oh, damn,” Subaru said suddenly.
“What?”
“I promised Johnny I’d call him when I got home from the hospital.”
“Call him later.”
“I won’t remember and you know it.” Subaru reached for the phone and dialed Johnny’s number. “Seishirou . . . stop that . . .” Seishirou’s arms slid around his waist from behind.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Johnny, it’s Subaru . . . hold on one second, okay?” Without waiting for Johnny to reply, Subaru turned to Seishirou. “You. Stop that. I’m going to talk to Johnny for a second.”
Seishirou looked as contrite as he could, which wasn’t very.
“Sorry about that,” Subaru said into the phone. “I’m just calling to let you know that - Seishirou, stop it! - I got home from the hospital okay.”
“What’s Seishirou doing?” Johnny asked, sounding interested.
“Nothing,” Subaru said hastily. “He, um . . . Seishirou-san . . .” Subaru protested faintly as Seishirou unzipped his jeans. “I’m on the phone . . . wait thirty seconds!”
“I don’t want to wait,” Seishirou said, right into his ear.
“What’s he doing?” Johnny asked.
Subaru had to take a minute to catch his breath before answering. “Hold . . . on . . .” He quickly pressed the mute button on the phone. “Seishirou, if you don’t - ” The second half of the sentence got cut off as Seishirou kissed him again. Subaru pulled away. “Let me talk to Johnny for ten seconds, you will be sleeping on the sofa tonight.”
Seishirou smirked. “Not likely.” He kept Subaru pinned to the wall, sliding one hand inside the Sumeragi’s pants.
“Nn . . . Sei . . . shirou . . .” Subaru tried to protest but could only moan.
“Now say goodbye to Johnny,” Seishirou said.
“While you’re . . . doing that?”
“Is there a problem?” Seishirou asked innocently, running his fingers up and down Subaru’s erection.
Subaru fumbled for the phone and pressed the mute button again. “J-Johnny . . . I have to . . . go . . .”
“Why so soon?” Johnny asked.
Subaru bit down on his lips to keep back a moan. “Because . . . Seishirou . . . is a jerk . . .”
“Elaborate.”
“Johnny . . . you’re just teasing me . . . and we both know it. I’m going . . . to hang up now.” Subaru managed to get the phone back into the cradle. “Seishirou, you’re going to pay for . . . for . . . oh God . . .”
“Do you want the strawberries?” Seishirou asked.
“No . . . want . . . you . . .” Subaru thrust his hips against Seishirou’s.
“You’re so impatient, Subaru-kun . . .” Seishirou said with a smirk.
“Look who’s talking!” Subaru said indignantly.
“I’m going to get the strawberries,” Seishirou insisted. He managed to do this, even though Subaru was clinging to him like a layer of cellophane, and get them both into the bedroom. “Now, sit down.”
“Seishirou, why are you so mean to me?”
“Because it’s fun. Sit.”
Subaru plopped onto the bed.
“Now close your eyes. And open your mouth.”
Subaru obeyed. Seishirou had already cut the strawberries into sections. “Now, earlier you said you wanted the strawberries.” He put one in Subaru’s open mouth. “So strawberries you shall have. Because I never deny my Subaru-kun anything.” He waited until Subaru had swallowed the first strawberry, wondering exactly how long he would get away with frustrating Subaru like this.
He made it through three strawberries. On the fourth, Subaru managed to get the strawberry and Seishirou’s fingers into his mouth at the same time. Seishirou smirked as Subaru started to suck on his fingertips. He pulled his hand free and leaned forward to kiss him, retaining just enough sense to move the bowl of strawberries to the floor before pushing Subaru back onto the bed.
Subaru went willingly, draping his arms around Seishirou’s neck and running one hand up to play with his hair. Seishirou’s lips pushed against his, opening them, and slid his tongue inside. Subaru pushed his hands up inside Seishirou’s shirt, tracing his shoulder blades before pushing the shirt over his head entirely.
Seishirou lifted his head and moved to kiss along the line of Subaru’s jaw, back to his ear. Subaru was already breathing in quick, harsh gasps. “You okay?” Seishirou asked.
Subaru nodded. “Can I . . .?”
Seishirou looked down at him. It was not something Subaru asked very often, and Seishirou was well aware of why. Without answering, he put an arm around Subaru’s waist and rolled over so Subaru was on top.
“I want . . . to make you mine . . . always,” Subaru said, running his hands up and down Seishirou’s bare chest.
Seishirou couldn’t help but let out a moan. “I am yours . . .”
Subaru’s lips were planting feather-like kisses on his cheeks, his closed eyes, his forehead, his lips. “I know,” he whispered, and Seishirou’s fingers went up to unbutton the shirt he was wearing and push it back off over his shoulders. This was quickly followed by the T-shirt he’d been wearing underneath it. His fingers wandered up and down the Sumeragi’s smooth skin, setting every nerve ending on fire. Then he paused as his fingers hit cloth and opened his eyes. Bandages.
“Are you sure . . . you’re going to be okay?” he asked, pulling away from Subaru’s lips.
Subaru evaded the question entirely, answering with, “The bandages do kind of ruin the mood, don’t they.”
“That’s not . . . what I asked,” Seishirou said, straining to stay with the real world as Subaru started to kiss his way down Seishirou’s chest. “We don’t . . .” His voice faded into a strangled moan as Subaru’s mouth closed over one nipple.
“I’ll be fine,” Subaru pulled away long enough to say, before leaning down to lick at the sensitive skin. Seishirou’s hand tangled in his hair. Subaru reached down with one hand to brush over the bulge in Seishirou’s pants. Seishirou moaned and rocked up against him, but Subaru’s hand on his hip gently guided him back to the bed. “Not yet . . . and you say I’m impatient . . .”
“You’re a God damned tease is what you are,” Seishirou managed.
Subaru unbuttoned and unzipped his pants. “Now, Seishirou . . . you were teasing me while I was talking to Johnny . . .” He slid Seishirou’s pants and boxers down, and Seishirou managed to get them all the way off. “So don’t be a hypocrite . . .” His hand wrapped around Seishirou’s length.
Seishirou couldn’t even answer, pushing up into Subaru’s hand. Subaru laughed and continued to stroke the older man’s erection, leaning down to kiss him again. Seishirou started tugging at Subaru’s pants, since they were still unzipped from the conversation on the phone. They slid down, gathering at his knees. Subaru lifted himself off Seishirou long enough to kick them and his underwear off, then lowered himself down again. Their erections rubbed together, causing both men to let out a moan.
Seishirou ran his hands down Subaru’s back, then lower, all the way down to the backs of his knees. Then they came around his hips, moving lightly, until Seishirou’s fingers started moving over Subaru’s manhood. Subaru let out a gasp, his head rocking back.
“Please . . .” Seishirou said as Subaru’s lips traced ghostlike down his neck.
Subaru decided he had better prepare Seishirou, seeing as the other man was very rarely on the bottom, and slid one finger into him. Seishirou’s hand clenched down in Subaru’s hair as his hips pressed closer against him. Subaru added a second finger, then a third. “Are you . . . ready . . .?”
Seishirou could only nod. Subaru positioned himself over the older man and pushed against his opening very carefully. Seishirou’s fingers dug into Subaru’s back as the Sumeragi entered him. “Oh God . . . more . . .” His hips thrust up against Subaru. “Please . . .”
Subaru pushed all the way inside Seishirou before pulling out a little. “You . . . okay?”
Seishirou’s answer was a wordless moan as he rocked back against him. Subaru pushed in again, a little harder this time. One of his hands found Seishirou’s, lacing their fingers together and clasping it tightly. The friction between them started to build as they settled into a rhythm, getting faster each time Subaru pushed in.
Seishirou surrendered to the moment, gasping for breath, letting Subaru be in control, letting Subaru realize that he could be in control. It was something the Sumeragi didn’t realize very often. He hardly ever asked to be on top, almost as if he was afraid of it for some reason. Then he felt Subaru’s fingers on his erection and the thoughts dissolved as he rocked back against Subaru and pushed him in even deeper. The combined sensations were too much and he cried out as he went spinning out into ecstasy.
He could dimly hear Subaru screaming his name, and the younger man rocked against him as he came. He let out a gasping moan as Subaru thrust a few more times, then slid out and collapsed on top of him. Seishirou lifted one hand and ran it through Subaru’s hair.
“I love you,” Subaru murmured into his shoulder.
Seishirou took a second to catch his breath, then replied, “Then let me check your injuries.”
Subaru sighed, then pushed himself up off of Seishirou. He allowed the older man to unwrap each wound and make sure it hadn’t reopened under the strain, then put the bandages back on. “Stop it, that tickles . . .” He snuggled up against the older man.
“Are you going to go to sleep?” Seishirou asked, amused.
“Sure, why d’you ask?” Subaru mumbled.
“Because, technically speaking, it’s not late.”
“Yeah, so?” Subaru wrapped an arm around Seishirou’s waist. “I want a nap and I don’t want you to go anywhere.”
Seishirou obligingly let the Sumeragi curl up next to him. “Fine, but not a long nap.”
“Hm,” Subaru said, already drifting off into sleep.
“We should do this more often,” Seishirou mused.
“I don’t think we could do it any more often without collapsing,” Subaru replied.
“I meant this specifically. I should let you be on top more often.” There was a note in Seishirou’s voice that implied he was talking about more than just sex.
“Fine by me,” Subaru said with a smirk. “But you’re not an overbearing bastard, you know. Well, not all the time. It’s just nice to be in control on occasion.”
“You’re always in control,” Seishirou said. “Because letting me be in control is a conscious decision on your part. And you can get it back from me whenever you need it.”
“I suppose so,” Subaru said with a yawn. “Enough philosophy . . . sleep now.”
Seishirou laughed gently, pulling the covers up to his and Subaru’s chin. “I love you, you know.”
“Of course I know that, Seishirou-san,” Subaru mumbled, and then he was asleep.
****
“Satsuki, I’d like you to get some information for me.”
Satsuki peered at Fuuma over the rims of her glasses. “Of course. What do you need?”
“I need some information on a student at CLAMP Campus. He’s - ” Fuuma stopped, seeing that Satsuki was already shaking her head. “What?”
“Even Beast can’t get past CLAMP’s security,” Satsuki said, sounding mournful. “We’ve been trying for weeks now. It’s perfect.”
“Hm.” Fuuma considered this new setback. “Well, can you see if you can get information on him from any other sources?”
“I can try,” Satsuki replied. “What for?”
“Good,” Fuuma said. “Let’s just say I have something I need to discuss with him.”
Satsuki waited expectantly.
Fuuma smiled. “His name is Johnny Renfield.”
****