Part Five
“You okay?” Seishirou looked at Subaru over his lunch. His new job allowed him an hour long break at noon, and he was taking the opportunity to spend some time with Subaru. It was something that had been getting more and more difficult of late. “You’ve been all quiet ever since you ran into the Dark Kamui.”
“I know, I . . .” Subaru’s voice trailed off. “I’m all right.”
“What did he say to you, Subaru-kun?” Seishirou asked.
“Nothing,” Subaru answered quietly. “Nothing that matters.”
Seishirou didn’t buy it for an instant, but he let it go. Pushing would hardly help, and most likely make things worse. “Well, if you want to talk about anything . . .”
Subaru looked up with a sudden smile. “I know where to find you. It’s okay. I’m just on edge . . . I get the feeling something big is going to happen soon.”
“In a good way or a bad way?” Seishirou asked.
“Which do you think?” Subaru asked dryly.
“Oh. Something wrong with Kamui?”
“No. But he seemed to feel it, too.”
“I’ll keep my eyes open,” Seishirou promised. “And if you need anything . . .” He reached out and took Subaru’s hand, lightly tracing the inverted pentagram that would always be there. “I’ll know.”
Subaru smiled crookedly. “I’m glad.”
Not long after that, they went their separate ways. Seishirou had to go back to work. Subaru began to walk back to CLAMP campus to find Kamui. His sense of pervading unease was growing stronger by the second.
Kamui . . . Kamui is in trouble. He didn’t know how he knew, but it was something that couldn’t be questioned. He closed his eyes for a long second, and a location appeared in his mind.
Without thinking further, he flagged down a taxi and got in, feeling breathless just from nerves. “Sunshine 60, please,” he said, voice barely loud enough for the driver to hear him.
By the time they reached his destination, his nerves were crawling from the sheer sense of power in the air. “Here, let me out here,” he said, breath coming harsh and fast. The taxi driver pulled over. Subaru scrambled out, tossing a few bills at him, knowing only that it was more than enough. He got to the top of the building in time to see Fuuma lifting Kamui by the throat, then defend himself against a sudden and unexpected attack.
Another Angel, his mind supplied for him, but he didn’t know who it was and he didn’t care. All his attention was focused on Kamui and Fuuma. He looks like Seishirou, he thought absently. Why didn’t I ever notice before?
He pushed the thought away, having far more important things to think about, namely, not destroying all of Tokyo. He cupped his hands and set up a kekkai. That would accomplish two things: to begin with, it would protect the city, and secondly, it would make Seishirou come running.
Fuuma seemed to have no interest in fighting Subaru, letting Nataku do the work at first. Nataku was not easy to fight, but Subaru had plenty of experience, and after a few minutes Fuuma figured out that it wasn’t going to be enough. “He’s quite a handful,” he said in a pleasant tone of voice. “Let me do it.”
Nataku nodded and stepped back, watching as ropes seemed to come out of nowhere to hold Kamui in place. “I’ll leave Kamui’s baby-sitting to you,” he said to Nataku, who nodded again.
Then Fuuma stepped forward.
He does, he looks like Seishirou, Subaru thought. He wasted no time in dwelling over this odd fact, however, immediately setting up a trap for the dark Kamui. Unfortunately, it seemed to have little to no effect.
Why?! Why do they look so much alike? Subaru wondered frantically.
Fuuma shook his head disapprovingly. “If you don’t concentrate, your kekkai is going to rip, Subaru-kun.” He placed heavy accent on the suffix, smiling cheerfully at Subaru.
Before Subaru could react, something shattered, sending shards of glass spinning through the air. Subaru felt them rip through him, blood spattering everywhere, and he could not keep back a cry of pain as he thudded heavily to the ground.
Fuuma walked over and kicked him in the stomach, then tipped his chin up with his foot.
It’s just like when . . . Seishirou-san . . . revealed his true self to me. Same face . . . same actions . . . “Sei . . . shirou . . .” Subaru gasped out, trying to organize his thoughts into coherency. “Why . . . do you and Seishirou-san . . .”
“Look so much alike?” Fuuma finished for him. “You wish it to be so, that’s why.”
“No . . .” Subaru said as Fuuma took hold of his hair, tipping his face further. “He would never . . . hurt me like this . . .”
“Oh, but he already did,” Fuuma said. “Did you ever truly forgive him for that, Subaru-kun? Or do you perhaps wish that he had killed you then? And do you wonder . . .” He reached out and traced one finger around Subaru’s eye. “Did he . . . ever forgive you for this?” He lifted his hand, two fingers together, pointing towards Subaru’s eye.
This is right . . . Subaru thought distantly.
“SUBARU!”
Subaru’s head jerked towards the familiar voice. Fuuma’s fingers stabbed downwards, cutting just below his eye, and blood streamed from the wound. Subaru let an agonized cry and slumped forwards, one hand to his face.
Kamui jerked free of his bonds and ran forward to the fallen Seal.
“Now, see, you ruined everything,” Fuuma complained. He let Subaru drop limply to the ground and turned to face Seishirou. “It was what he wanted, you know.”
“I told you,” Seishirou said coldly, “that if you hurt Subaru, I would kill you.”
“Right now?” Fuuma waved at the kekkai around them. “The kekkai is dissolving. That means that he . . . is close to death.”
“Subaru,” Kamui cried, cradling the onmyouji against his chest. “Subaru!”
“Are you going to fight me now?” Fuuma asked innocently, smiling. “If the Sunshine building collapses, the surrounding area will be destroyed. The kekkai of Ikebukuro is broken. You might want to leave before you get crushed.”
“If anyone gets crushed,” Seishirou ground out between clenched teeth, “it’s going to be you.” Before Fuuma could say anything else, Seishirou tossed a handful of ofada out, power welling out from between them. He honestly could not recall ever having been quite so angry.
Fuuma dodged the blast, still smiling. “Really, Seishirou. I was just doing him a favor. It’s what he wanted, after all. If you can’t have forgiveness, you at least need equality. Did you ever forgive him for losing your eye?”
“It was my choice,” Seishirou snapped. “It certainly wasn’t his fault.”
“Ah, but he doesn’t see it that way,” Fuuma said, dodging again. “And no matter how much he wanted to forgive you for what you did to him, he never could. No more than he could ever forgive himself for what happened to you.”
“And so this is how he thinks I want payback?” Seishirou asked furiously. “By having you try to kill him? I hardly think so. And how is he supposed to get his payback? I suppose you would know; you’re an expert on the subject of killing sisters.”
Fuuma laughed, a low sound that made Seishirou want to shiver. “You’d have to ask him. But everyone has a Wish, Seishirou. I happen to be an expert on that subject. You . . . you wish nothing more than to be left alone, to live your life with your Subaru-kun and not be troubled by any of this.”
“So?” Seishirou asked.
“You haven’t asked me what Subaru’s Wish is,” Fuuma said.
“I’m not interested in your twisted version of it,” Seishirou snapped.
“Of course you are,” Fuuma said. “You just won’t admit it. You think that Subaru wishes for the same as you, but that’s not quite true. He knows that you and he don’t belong together. He hates himself for loving you; he always has. Once he figured out that there was nothing he could do about it, he resigned himself to living with you, to loving you. But it’s not what he wants.”
Fuuma paused dramatically, dodging another one of Seishirou’s attacks.
“His real Wish . . . is simply to be free of you.”
“You’re lying,” Seishirou growled.
“Ask him yourself,” Fuuma said simply. “If he makes it, of course, you’ve wasted quite a bit of time trying to fight me.”
“Seishirou!” Kamui’s voice raised in despair. “Please!”
Seishirou glanced back at them; it was all the distraction that Fuuma needed. The next thing Seishirou knew, he was flying backwards to slam up against a brick wall. He rolled out of the way of the next blast and made it to his feet. “Pity about Subaru, though,” Fuuma said pleasantly, walking over to Seishirou. “He had such a pretty face.”
Seishirou looked like he was about to reply, but a choked sob from Kamui brought him back to reality.
“We can play some more later,” Fuuma said, jumping up onto the fire escape. “Right now, you may want to leave.” He called over to Kamui. “I’ll see you soon . . . Kamui.”
Seishirou walked unsteadily over to where Kamui was huddled over Subaru. “I’m sorry . . .” Kamui gasped out, leaving Seishirou unsure as to who the teenager was apologizing to. “I’m sorry!”
My head aches, Seishirou reflected absently, sure that he’d cracked it a good one when he’d hit the wall. “Come on,” he said hoarsely. “We need to leave.”
Kamui stared up at him for a long moment, then nodded.
****
“Please . . . wait . . .”
“What?” both of the nurses gaped at Subaru as he struggled into a sitting position. Seishirou, knowing better than to try to stop the Sumeragi, got behind him and supported him.
“Kamui . . .” Subaru managed, stretching one arm out to the younger boy.
“I’m sorry,” Kamui cried. “It’s all because I couldn’t do anything . . .”
“Kamui, it’s not your fault . . .” Subaru drew Kamui into a hug. “Not your fault at all . . .”
“Subaru . . .” Kamui whispered.
Subaru sagged backwards against Seishirou’s shoulder. His vision cleared for a second as he stared up into Seishirou’s eyes. “Sei . . . shirou . . . ai . . . shi . . .”
His eyes flickered closed, and there was nothing more.
“Subaru!” Kamui cried. Seishirou managed to not to do the same thing, but pulled Kamui out of Subaru’s arms and held him while the nurses bustled off with the Sumeragi. “SUBARU!”
Seishirou hugged Kamui tightly, feeling in need of some comfort himself, though he would never admit it. “He’ll be okay,” he reassured Kamui, though he wasn’t so sure.
Kamui muffled his tears in Seishirou’s shoulders. “It’s all my fault . . .”
“It isn’t your fault at all,” Seishirou said firmly. “If it’s anyone’s fault . . . it’s mine.”
Kamui looked up at Seishirou with wounded violet eyes. “You don’t . . . believe what Fuuma was saying, do you?”
“Of course not,” Seishirou said quickly, though he wasn’t quite able to dismiss it that easily in his mind. “Fuuma fights psychological battles; wound your opponent in his mind and he’ll no longer want to fight you.” He gave Kamui a look. “That’s why he keeps beating you. He knows you don’t want to fight him.”
Kamui sagged against Seishirou.
“Come on, sit down,” Seishirou said, guiding him over to a chair. “It’ll be a while before we hear about Subaru, but I don’t want to leave and I doubt you do either.”
****
-- He hates himself for loving you -
Seishirou drifted off to sleep in the hospital chair, having completely forgotten that he was injured himself. Now he was stirring uneasily.
-- his real Wish -
But it was all ridiculous.
-- is to be free of you -
Wasn’t it?
-- no matter how much he wanted to forgive you for what you did to him, he never could -
Seishirou had only asked Subaru if he had forgiven him once.
-- do you forgive me, Subaru-kun --
The answer really hadn’t been reassuring.
-- no . . . not quite yet -
It hadn’t been particularly certain, either.
-- but I think . . . that I can -
Really, what proof did he have?
Why did he want to be hurt like that? Why did he want Fuuma to hurt him? He knows I forgave him for losing my eye. Why . . .
Too many questions.
“Seishirou-san?”
Someone was shaking him gently. Seishirou’s eyes cracked open, not quite believing that he’d fallen asleep while waiting to hear about Subaru.
“Seishirou-san, are you okay?”
Seishirou reached up and gingerly felt the huge lump on the back of his head. Maybe ‘passed out’ was a better way to put it than ‘fallen asleep.’ Probably should get that taken care of, he reflected.
“Hai, I’m fine,” he answered somewhat irritably. Kamui looked hurt, and Seishirou regretted his sharp words. “Subaru-kun?”
“They said . . . we can see him now.”
Seishirou nodded. “Good.”
“They said one at a time . . . I thought . . . you might want to go first.”
“Thank you,” Seishirou said. “Then you can stay with him while I get something for my splitting headache . . .”
“Were you dreaming?” Kamui asked as they walked down the hallway.
“Yes,” Seishirou answered, in a tone that denied further questions.
There was a doctor waiting outside Subaru’s door. “How is he?” Seishirou asked, trying not to sound anxious.
“He’ll be okay,” the doctor said, and both Kamui and Seishirou sagged with relief.
“What about his eye?” Seishirou asked.
“He’s very lucky,” the doctor said. “Whatever hit him missed by less than an inch. His eye itself is okay, but he won’t be able to open it for a while, and there’s going to be some nasty scarring.”
-- he had such a pretty face -
Seishirou suppressed a wave of anger. “Okay. Thanks. Is he awake?”
“No, and he probably won’t be for a while yet,” the doctor answered. “Go on in, though.”
Seishirou nodded and pushed the door open, walking in. Subaru looked terribly small and pale underneath the hospital blankets. There were bandages over one eye, bringing on a sudden case of unwanted déjà vu.
He pulled a chair over, taking Subaru’s hand in his own. “Subaru-kun,” he whispered, well aware that the onmyouji couldn’t hear him and feeling thoroughly stupid. “I really do love you. You know that, right?” He rubbed the back of his throbbing head.
-- he hates himself for loving you -
“I love you so much, Subaru-kun . . . please tell me what he said wasn’t true . . .”
His head throbbed and he began to wonder just how hard he had hit that wall. He closed his eyes for a long second, feeling consciousness begin to slip away from him again. The next thing he knew, there was a light touch on his shoulder. “S-Seishirou-san?” a nervous voice asked.
Seishirou pried his eyes open. “Nnnngh.”
“I’m sorry, Seishirou-san,” Kamui said, “but the doctor wanted to ask you something.” His eyes flickered over to Subaru. “How’s . . .?”
“Subaru’s okay,” Seishirou said. His fingers trailed over the bandages over Subaru’s eye. Odd thing, though, he couldn’t seem to focus correctly. “Stay with him for me?”
Kamui let out a shaky laugh. “Do you really need to ask?”
“Thanks.” Seishirou ruffled Kamui’s hair and wobbled his way into the hallway.
The doctor looked up. “You’re awfully pale, Sakurazuka-san . . . are you all right?”
“I did hit my head during the, uh, earthquake,” Seishirou admitted. “But I’m fine.” As long as I stay standing, that is. He didn’t dare pass out again; God only knew what kind of nightmares he would have. “What did you want to ask me?” He raised his hand to the bump and realized it was damp; he either was bleeding or had been bleeding. Hm. Was that wall I hit jagged? Must have been, I guess . . .
“Well, there’s some paperwork . . . that needs to be filled out,” the doctor said. “And since you’re the one who brought Sumeragi-san in . . .”
“I need to fill it out,” Seishirou finished for him. “Okay.”
The doctor handed him a form and Seishirou looked it over. The letters blurred in his view. Oh, I really hit my head harder than I thought . . . wonder why I didn’t notice until now? Guess I was too worried. He realized that he was tilting and put one hand on the wall to steady himself.
“Sakurazuka-san?” The doctor’s concerned face floated into his field of vision. “Are you all right?”
“Fine, of course I’m fine, I’m always fine,” Seishirou said, before his knees gave and he crumbled to the ground.
****
Kamui was resting his head against the edge of Subaru’s bed when he heard mumbled words and looked over. “Subaru! You’re awake?”
Subaru’s unbandaged eye was open and dazed. “Where . . .”
“You’re in the hospital.” Kamui took Subaru’s hand and tried to keep his voice from cracking. “You . . . you got in that fight with Fuuma . . . how are you feeling?”
“Ow . . .” was all Subaru managed. Then: “Can’t see . . .”
“You’re really lucky,” Kamui said earnestly. “Fuuma missed your eye by less than an inch. But there’s bandages over it because it swelled shut. You should be able to open it in a day or so.”
“Seishirou-san . . .?”
Kamui blinked at Subaru’s use of the honorific. “He had to rest. He got hit on the head while he was fighting Fuuma.” He saw the anxiety in the Sumeragi’s eye and hastened to reassure him. “He’s okay, I mean, it wasn’t anything too serious. Just a concussion and he passed out after a while. The doctor took him to another room. I-I’m sure he’ll be in as soon as he feels better.”
Subaru’s eye drifted shut. “Tired . . .”
“It’s okay, get some rest,” Kamui said, voice breaking. “I’m sorry, Subaru . . . really sorry . . .”
“Don’ . . . worry . . .” Subaru mumbled, then his head rolled to the side as he fell asleep again.
“I can’t help but worry,” Kamui said softly to the unconscious onmyouji. He put his head down again, hoping for sleep, but he knew it wouldn’t come.
****
For a long moment, all Seishirou was aware of was pain. It was unidentifiable, with no location. His eyes flickered open. He had long ago gotten used to the planar, flat vision that came with the loss of one eye, and could adjust to it with no difficulty. This time, however, he had considerable trouble getting his eye to focus properly. Then he realized just how much his head hurt, and his eyes shut again, tightly.
“Sakurazuka-san?”
A familiar voice. Seishirou pried his eyes open and looked up, then shut them again as the world spun crazily.
“Keep your eyes open, Sakurazuka-san. I need to see if you’re focusing properly.”
Seishirou tried yet again, looking up at the doctor for a long second.
“Better,” the doctor finally said. “It’s good that you’re awake. How’s your head feel?”
“About two sizes too small for my brain.” Seishirou spoke carefully, in between the bouts of throbbing pain.
“You really did knock it a good one,” the doctor replied. “I’m surprised you didn’t notice earlier, but I guess you were worried for Sumeragi-san.”
“How is he?” Seishirou sat up unsteadily.
“Fine. He woke up once, but only for a few seconds. Kamui is still sitting with him.” The doctor gave him a long, level glance. “But you need to stay in bed. Okay?”
“Sure,” Seishirou said, not meaning it for a second.
“Get some more rest. I’ll be back to check on you later.”
Seishirou waited until the doctor had left, then swung his legs over the side of the bed and attempted to stand. So far, so good. Better yet, the doctor had left him in his clothes instead of giving him a hospital gown. Apparently they’d had enough to deal with without worrying about that. He let go of the bed and immediately fell backwards, leaning against it. Not so good.
You know, his inner voice said, a more intelligent man might take this as a cue to stay in bed.
Seishirou considered this for a second, then replied indignantly, “Stuff it. I’m going to go see Subaru-kun.” He let go of the bed again and very carefully made his way to the door. From there, he went into the hallway, leaning against the wall and inching his way down it carefully. Fortunately, the room he was in wasn’t far from Subaru’s. He pushed the door open and went in.
Kamui glanced up. Seishirou guessed that he hadn’t slept; there were huge shadows under his eyes. “You should be in bed,” he said, without much enthusiasm. “Subaru was asking about you.”
“Oh?” Seishirou asked, edging his way over to the bed.
“I told him that you were resting. I’m not sure he understood. He was really out of it.”
Seishirou looked down, running his fingers through Subaru’s hair. The world was fading in and out with each stab of pain. Subaru twitched and moaned a little. “Is he having a nightmare?” Seishirou asked.
“I think so,” Kamui said. “He’s been doing that for a while now, but I didn’t want to wake him because he needs his rest.”
Seishirou nodded slightly in agreement. The tiny motion of his head was enough to send the world spinning. He clutched the edge of the bed with one hand, and his fingers tightened in Subaru’s hair.
“No . . .” Subaru cried out. “Please don’t . . .”
The world cleared and Seishirou looked anxiously at the Sumeragi.
“Seishirou-san . . . don’t hurt me . . .”
Seishirou paled. “Subaru-kun . . .”
“I’m sorry,” Subaru mumbled, tossing a little. “Please . . . Sei . . . shirou . . . san . . . don’t . . .”
Seishirou backed away a little.
-- his real Wish -
Kamui looked between them anxiously. “Seishirou-san - ”
-- is to be free of you -
“I think . . .” Seishirou said, very clearly, focusing on diction to help with the pain in his head, “that I’d better go back and lie down.”
“You’re very pale,” Kamui said anxiously. “I’ll stay with Subaru.”
Seishirou took a few steps back.
“I’m sure he doesn’t . . .” Kamui began, then his voice trailed off. “He really does love you, Seishirou-san.” The words were blurted out desperately.
“There was never really any question in my mind about it,” Seishirou said. “The question is whether or not he wants to.” With that, he left the room.
He made it back to his own and carefully lay down on the bed, the world already fading.
-- he hates himself for loving you -
“Please, Subaru-kun,” Seishirou mumbled as he lost consciousness, “don’t let this be true.”
****