Part Sixteen
For some reason, Seishirou felt very, very calm. He got out of bed and dressed, then went down to the street and got a taxi. Acting on instinct, he asked for the hospital.
Nokoru was waiting outside for him.
“Where is he?” Seishirou asked calmly.
“ICU,” Nokoru said. “I’ll show you.” As they walked, he said uncertainly, “Physically he’s not hurt very badly, but . . .”
“Yes,” Seishirou said. “I know.”
“What happened?” Nokoru asked.
Seishirou explained as simply as possible. “He had a spell that was triggered to go off at a certain time, and it was to draw its energy from him. Unfortunately, the trigger came while he was already so low on energy that he had none to fuel it except that which keeps him alive.”
“Oh,” Nokoru said.
“How’s Kamui?”
“They took him home,” Nokoru said. “He’s . . . hysterical. Understandably so, I suppose.”
Thinking back to the specifics of Fuuma’s death, which currently nobody knew except himself and Kamui, Seishirou wasn’t surprised.
“He’s in here,” Nokoru said, breaking Seishirou out of his reverie. “I’ll . . . wait outside.”
Seishirou nodded and went inside. Subaru wasn’t on life support, but his breathing was very faint and shallow. How much does he have left? Seishirou wondered. He put his hand on Subaru’s, closed his eyes, and looked -
He could ‘see’ the core of energy that was keeping Subaru alive; it had a warm, greenish glow to it normally. Now it was a faint, flickering flame. Seishirou guessed Subaru had a couple hours before it ran out, no more.
He thought back to those few moments before Fuuma had died; how he had felt Subaru reaching to him. Energy had gone out of him in a rush, to Subaru, and then to the spell . . . and he didn’t have the faintest idea of how the Sumeragi had done it.
If I could reverse that spell, I could transfuse some of my energy to him . . . enough for him to recover on his own. But only . . . if I knew how to do it.
He went back into the hallway. “Nokoru-san,” he said politely, “can you see to it that I’m not disturbed for an hour or so? I’m going to try to help Subaru with a little magic, and it’s essential that I’m not interrupted.”
“Of course,” Nokoru said with a nod. “I’ll stand watch.”
“Thanks,” Seishirou said. He sat down in the hospital chair and concentrated.
Forty-five minutes passed. Seishirou didn’t move a muscle. Forty-five long minutes, forty-five minutes less before Subaru’s energy would run out, and it was still the fastest summoning spell he’d ever done.
“Sei-chan . . .”
Seishirou opened his eyes to see Hokuto looking down at her brother sadly. He didn’t bother with preamble. “Hokuto-chan, you have to help me.”
Hokuto nodded, turning to him. “I’ll do what I can. What do you need?”
“He did a spell. He pulled on my energy. I need to know how he did it so I can reverse it.”
Hokuto blinked, then she looked like she was going to cry. “Gomen, Sei-chan, I never knew much about all that magic stuff . . .”
“You don’t know?” Seishirou felt his hope dying.
“I’m sorry, I want to help . . . but nobody ever taught me much. I only knew how to do a few spells . . .”
Seishirou closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. Only about an hour left. “Okay,” he said. “Okay. What if he does die? Can’t you just . . . stop him from going over like you did for me?”
Hokuto made a horrible face. “Not quite the same. It’s complicated, Sei-chan. The problem is, you didn’t really realize you were dying. Subaru knows, so he’ll probably be pulled right over the edge before I can get to him.”
Seishirou bit down on his lower lip, thinking as hard as he could. “That spell, if only I could figure out that spell . . .” He looked down at Subaru. “Only one other person to ask, really.”
Hokuto’s eyes widened. “Sei-chan . . . you’re not going to . . .”
Seishirou checked his watch. “I’d better go now.”
“Good luck,” Hokuto called softly after him.
****
“You can’t go in . . . sir, I really must insist . . . this isn’t a good time . . . we’ve just had some very distressing news - ”
Sumeragi Sachika looked up as she heard her niece’s voice coming down the hall, getting steadily louder.
“I know all about the distressing news,” another voice cut her off.
Lady Sumeragi’s eyes widened. She knew that voice . . .
The door opened and Seishirou walked in. “Excuse me, Lady Sumeragi,” he said, his voice unfailingly polite. “There’s something I need to discuss with you.”
She glared at him, eyes narrowed. “You have no right to just barge in here. I demand that you leave, now.”
Seishirou checked his watch. It had taken him twenty minutes to get there, so it would be twenty minutes back. He could spend no more than fifteen arguing with the woman. “Demand whatever you want. You have to help me save Subaru.”
She stared for a second, then sniffed. “As if you care that he’s dying.”
Seishirou’s voice was very low. “Don’t ever tell me that I don’t care about Subaru.”
“Leave, Sakurazukamori.”
“I’m not leaving until you tell me how to save him.”
“As if I know,” she spat.
“He did a spell,” Seishirou said, trying not to let his desperation creep into his voice. “He did a spell to draw on my energy. He’s bound to me. If I could reverse it, I could give him my energy and save him. You have to help me!”
Lady Sumeragi glanced over at him, apparently thinking it over. “Yes. It’s a Sumeragi spell. It’s an offensive, actually, used to drain your opponent of energy. We developed it after the little disaster that happened when you bound yourself to Subaru.”
Seishirou ignored the last comment. “So have one of your numerous cousins come do it, I don’t care!”
Her voice stiffened. “It can only be done by one of the two of you, since you are the two bound. And it’s a Sumeragi spell.”
“So you won’t tell me,” Seishirou said quietly.
“It’s not fit for your ears,” she said archly. “You are Sakurazukamori.”
“I’m aware of that, thank you,” Seishirou snapped. “My ears are no worse than yours.”
“Excuse me?!” Lady Sumeragi gasped, enraged.
Seishirou knelt before her so they were on eye-level. “If you refuse to tell me how to do the spell, even though I am the only one who can, then Subaru dies. That makes you a murderer, and no better than me.”
She stared at him.
He got to his feet, trembling with rage and sorrow. “Normally I would take revenge of some sort, but I won’t. It wouldn’t be honorable. I killed your granddaughter nine years ago; I’ll look upon this as your retaliation.”
“What do you know about honor?!” she yelled.
Seishirou whirled. “I know that the man I love is dying and you won’t help him even though he’s your grandson! What do you know about honor?!”
“You don’t love.” Her voice was low and grating. “You aren’t capable of it.”
Seishirou’s fists clenched. “If you’ll excuse me,” he said harshly, “I’d like to be with Subaru when he passes.”
He took three steps towards the door, checking his watch automatically, as if it mattered what time it was. Thirty minutes left, not that it made a difference.
“Wait.”
He stopped.
“Come here.”
He turned and walked back over to her, kneeling again and taking off his sunglasses.
“Do you honestly love him?”
“Yes,” Seishirou answered, and a single tear ran down his cheek. “I swear to you.” He reached up and wiped the tear away. “Please. Help me. I’ll do whatever you want; I’ll pay whatever price you require. I can’t lose him.”
She gave him a long and searching look. “All I require,” she finally said, “is that you swear to never reveal this spell to anyone, and never use it again without my permission.”
Seishirou nodded immediately. “I swear, on Subaru and the Sakurazuka.”
She considered, then nodded as well. Seishirou wouldn’t be able to break a promise made on the Sakurazuka. “Come with me.”
****
“It’s an emergency,” Seishirou gasped out, sliding into the backseat of the cab. “If you can make it in ten minutes, I’ll double your price.”
“I’ll do my best,” the driver said. Seishirou was jolted a little as the driver floored it. They reached the hospital in eleven minutes. Seishirou checked his watch. He had four minutes before he estimated Subaru’s time would be up; that was assuming he’d estimated correctly in the first place. And he still had to perform the spell. Fortunately, it wasn’t a long one.
He sprinted up the stairs, too jumpy to wait for an elevator, and skidded into Subaru’s room. Hokuto was still there. Her head snapped up as Seishirou came in. “We’re almost out of time,” she said. “Do you have it?”
Seishirou nodded, gasping for breath, trying to ignore the fact that he still couldn’t breathe well due to his illness. Two minutes before his time was up, or so he figured, until he noticed that Subaru wasn’t breathing. “When did he stop breathing?!”
“Only a few seconds ago,” Hokuto said. “I . . . I kept the hospital staff from noticing. He wouldn’t want to be on life support. I figured either you’d make it back in time . . . or you wouldn’t.”
Seishirou thudded into the chair next to the bed and took Subaru’s hand. The spell wasn’t long, but it was complicated to do the reversed version, since it had originally been designed to go only one-way.
Hokuto watched as Seishirou closed his eyes, mouth moving in a silent chant. The symbols on Subaru’s hands flared into life.
Please, she thought. Please, oh please . . .
Seishirou felt a steady draining sensation and let his energy empty into Subaru. The younger man took a gasping, choking breath. Seishirou willed the spell to keep going, keep transferring his energy, until color began to return to Subaru’s face.
It was then that he realized he had made a very stupid mistake.
He hadn’t asked Lady Sumeragi how to stop the spell.
****
Subaru looked around dazedly. He could feel energy rushing into him, making him stronger, but he could tell a lot was being lost in the transfer. Seishirou, why aren’t you stopping? he wondered blearily. The symbols on his hands felt like they were burning his skin off. He could hear Hokuto shrieking something and tried to focus in on her words.
“ . . . doesn’t know how to stop . . . the imbecile . . . Subaru!!”
Subaru sat up with jolt and the world spun, divided into eighths, and spun some more. He reached out with what little energy he had and gently put a stop to the spell.
Seishirou slumped forward, breathing hard. “That was very stupid of me,” he murmured. “I think your grandmother was trying to kill me.”
Subaru had no idea what his grandmother had to do with anything, and the world was getting alarmingly blurry. Before he could even ask, he slumped backwards.
Seishirou leaned over him, pale and exhausted. “Are you awake?”
“. . . hai,” Subaru whispered. He glanced around the room and saw Hokuto. “Am I . . . alive?”
“Yes,” Seishirou answered.
“Oh,” Subaru said vaguely. “What a pleasant surprise.”
He began to shiver then, and Seishirou gathered him into his arms and held him tightly, closing his eyes and pressing his face against Subaru’s shoulder. “We made it,” he whispered.
“Just barely,” Subaru remarked. “I feel . . . awful . . . I think I’ll pass out now, if you don’t mind . . .”
“Get some rest,” Seishirou said, laying him back down.
“Stupid timed spell,” Subaru mumbled. His eyes closed, then fluttered open again. “Kamui . . .?”
“He’s at home,” Seishirou said. “He’s okay; upset, but okay.”
Subaru nodded vaguely. “I’ll have to see him . . . soon . . .”
“Shh,” Seishirou said. “Rest.”
Subaru closed his eyes.
Hokuto grinned brilliantly. “You did it, Sei-chan! Ohhh, I knew I was keeping you around all these years for something!”
Seishirou laughed weakly.
“You had best go tell the others; they’ll be worried,” Hokuto said. “Then you should rest, too. That spell’s gonna backlash something wicked, you know.”
“Yeah, I know.” Seishirou smiled down at Subaru. “It was worth it.”
****
Sorata had finally managed to calm Kamui down enough for him to drift into an exhausted sleep. Feeling rather exhausted himself, he went down to the kitchen and looked around some tea.
“Here,” Arashi said, handing him a mug.
“Thanks,” Sorata said, with none of his cheer and no comments about how nice it was that she was finally paying attention to him. It had been a long day; he still hadn’t heard from Karen and Seiichirou, and God only knew about Subaru . . .
“How’s Kamui?” Arashi asked, interrupted his train of thought.
“Asleep, finally,” Sorata said. “I couldn’t get him to eat, though.”
Arashi nodded, as if she’d been expecting that.
“I wish Subaru could talk to him, but . . .” Sorata swore under his breath. Then he jumped a foot in the air as the doorbell rang. “Maybe that’ll be Karen or Seiichirou,” he mumbled, going for it.
He opened it to see Seishirou leaning heavily on the railing. “Konban wa,” he said vaguely.
Sorata quickly stood back to let him in. “You look terrible.”
“I feel terrible,” Seishirou said, nodding. “How’s Kamui?”
“Asleep,” Sorata said. “What about Subaru?” he asked slowly, unsure of whether or not he really wanted the answer.
“He’s okay,” Seishirou said. “He’ll be sick for a while, but he’s going to pull through.” He paused, looking at Sorata’s profoundly relieved face. “Excuse me, I think I need to sit down . . .”
“Of course.” Sorata helped him over to a chair. “You want some tea?”
“Please,” Seishirou said. He cradled his head in his hands; he kept forgetting that, on top of everything else, he still technically had pneumonia. Sorata brought him a mug of tea, which he sipped gratefully. “Have you heard from the others?”
“Yuzuriha’s okay,” Sorata answered. “So’s Arashi. Still haven’t heard from Karen and Seiichirou. But not a single kekkai was destroyed today, so we’re hoping for the best.”
“Good,” Seishirou said, drinking more of his tea.
“You should go home and get some rest, Seishirou,” Sorata said reprovingly.
“I know,” Seishirou said. “But I thought you’d appreciate knowing about Subaru. I don’t think it would be a good idea to try to see him tomorrow. He’s going to be very sick, for at least two or three days. Magical backlash and all, plus his energy level is pathetically low. Mine isn’t doing so well at the moment either, but that’s another story.”
“I’m going to get you a taxi,” Sorata said. “Then I’m going to send Arashi with you to make sure you get home in one piece. Okay?”
“Sure,” Seishirou said. “I’m in no position to argue. My head hurts too much.”
****
Seishirou woke up the next morning feeling too awful to even twitch, let alone get out of bed. He called Sorata and asked him if, when he went to visit Subaru, he could relay a message.
“Sure,” Sorata said. “Though Kamui is refusing to get out of bed, too, so I think it’s just me visiting.”
“I’m not even sure he’ll be awake,” Seishirou said. He was speaking very carefully, since his head was throbbing. Damn it, life really had been easier when he could redirect backlash onto innocent animals, as horrifying as it seemed in retrospect. “Just tell him I really feel terrible and I’ll come visit him tomorrow.”
“No problem,” Sorata said.
Seishirou had just drifted off to sleep when the phone rang again. “Sakurazuka desu,” he mumbled sleepily. It was an old habit; he hadn’t picked up the phone that way since after Subaru had moved in for good and his grandmother had gotten the new number. His head hurt too much to remember what to say, however.
“Hi, Seishirou. You sound awful.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence, Johnny . . .” Seishirou half sat up. “Are you back in Japan?”
“Yeah, just arrived. I see the world didn’t cease to be.”
“No, we followed your orders to the letter,” Seishirou said.
“Good for you. Subaru there?”
“No, he’s in the hospital for the eighth time this year.”
“Elaborate.”
“He got injured in the Final Battle and my head really hurts too much to be explaining this right now. I’ve still got pneumonia and I had to do all sorts of complicated magic yesterday to keep him from dying . . . same hospital as usual, room 313, you can visit but he’ll be pretty sick.”
“Okay. Talk to you later.” Johnny hung up.
Seishirou pulled the blankets over his head and went back to sleep.
****
It was actually two days before Seishirou recovered enough to go visit Subaru. The Sumeragi was still feeling pretty awful himself; with a high fever and a lingering headache. “Hi,” he said. “Johnny came to visit me yesterday, so don’t feel bad about not being able to.”
“Seen Kamui yet?” Seishirou asked, sitting down.
“No.” Subaru looked worried. “Sorata says he’s refusing to get out of bed. He hasn’t gone Within, he’s just . . . refusing. Barely talks, won’t eat, won’t move, doesn’t sleep.” He sighed irritably. “But I should be able to go see him tomorrow. I’m still sick, but I don’t really need to be in the hospital anymore.”
Seishirou nodded. “And how are you feeling?”
“Much better today,” Subaru said. “Bit of a headache still. You?”
“I can breathe again,” Seishirou said with a nod. “It’s nice.”
“What were you saying about my grandmother trying to kill you?”
“Oh, that.” Seishirou rolled his eyes. “I had to see her to figure out how to save you. She gave me the spell to transfer my energy to you, then neglected to tell me how to stop all my energy from transferring.”
Subaru frowned. “On purpose?”
Seishirou shrugged. “You know your grandmother better than I do. Is she the kind of person who would forget something like that?”
“No,” Subaru said, starting to look angry. “She’s not.”
“See? She was trying to kill me.” Seishirou shrugged again. “I’m not even sure I care. I said I would pay whatever price she required; obviously, what she required was my own life.”
“You may not care, but I do,” Subaru said firmly. “She and I will have . . . words.”
Seishirou smiled. “You’re so cute when you get protective.”
“Talk about the pot calling the kettle,” Subaru said with a yawn. “How are the others? Sorata said we all made it.”
“All the Seals are fine, you and Kamui excepted,” Seishirou said. “As for the Angels, I don’t really know. Yuzuriha reports that Kusanagi is fine; Seiichirou said something singularly odd about Nataku deciding that he looked like his father even more than Fuuma and was now sort of following him around . . . I decided to just not question that one. Satsuki and Yuuto, I have no idea about and I’m not sure I care.”
“I think Sorata may have killed Satsuki to save Arashi,” Subaru chipped in. “He’s been acting awfully solemn lately, and she was . . . far more affectionate than usual.” He shrugged. “And since both Sorata and Satsuki work with electricity, it seems reasonable. Nokoru was visiting yesterday, and he said that they haven’t had any more problems with that computer.”
Seishirou nodded. “Good.” He leaned back in the chair. “So you get out tomorrow?”
“Yeah, but I expect to spend most of the day with Kamui,” Subaru said with a sigh. “Not that I begrudge him the time, but . . . not my idea of a fun afternoon.”
Seishirou gave him a hug. “Well, if you need anything, you know where to find me.”
“Yeah.” Subaru rested his head against Seishirou’s shoulder. “Thanks.”
****
“How’d it go?”
Subaru flopped onto the couch, exhausted. “Awful. He won’t even talk to me.”
Seishirou winced, carrying a mug of tea over to him. “Here.”
Subaru accepted the tea gratefully. “Thanks.” He sipped it for a second. “I don’t know what to say to him,” he said finally. “It’s my spell that resulted in this.”
Seishirou frowned. “How so?”
“To get Fuuma back, only to lose him . . . in the same action, his own action, no less . . .” Subaru shook his head. “I can see why he’s freaking out so badly. In order for the dagger to work, it had to kill him; whereas if I had just cast it . . .”
“Subaru, you had no way of knowing that when you bound it to the dagger.”
“No,” Subaru said. “But I should have figured it out, and I feel singularly stupid.”
Seishirou paused for a long moment. “Given the whole reason why Fuuma was . . . being the Dark Kamui, for lack of a better way to put it, I’m not sure that spell could ever work except in the moment of his death. Yes, you are a powerful onmyouji, but you can only reverse destiny so much.”
“Maybe,” Subaru said. “But I still feel like an idiot for not realizing it sooner.”
“There I can’t really help you.” Seishirou sat behind him, massaging his shoulders.
“That feels good,” Subaru mumbled, closing his eyes. “I’m so worried and stressed . . .”
“He’ll be okay,” Seishirou said gently.
“No,” Subaru said. “This time I don’t think he will be.”
****
Subaru was practically ready to cry when Kamui spoke out of the blue. He’d been sitting there for hours, gently trying to persuade the boy to talk to him, when he suddenly started speaking. “Subaru, you need to stop this.”
Subaru blinked. “Stop what?”
“Stop feeling guilty. There was nothing you could have done, and you didn’t know better when you made the dagger.”
Subaru was about to breathe a sigh of relief, seeing Kamui being reasonable. Then he continued to speak.
“It’s my fault, not yours.”
Subaru resisted the urge to punch somebody. “Kamui, it isn’t anybody’s fault.”
Kamui blinked at him. “I’m the one who killed him.”
“Yes, but . . .” Subaru tried to think fast. “You certainly didn’t expect him to come back to himself before he died.”
“It doesn’t matter.” Kamui’s voice was completely devoid of emotion. “I still killed him.”
“Kamui - ”
“I don’t want to argue about it,” Kamui said sharply. “He was my best friend and I murdered him.”
“You saved the world,” Subaru said softly.
“I don’t care!” Kamui’s lower lip trembled. “Why did it have to be Fuuma? He didn’t deserve to die. And why did it have to be me?”
“Kamui, you know I can’t answer that.”
“I’m sick of this anyway.” Kamui drooped. “So I saved the world. Hurrah for me. That doesn’t change the fact that I lost the people I care most about.”
Subaru, not seeing anything else to do, pulled him into a hug.
“I’m tired,” Kamui said softly into his shoulder. “I’m so tired.”
“Kamui, it gets better,” Subaru said, but he knew that Kamui wasn’t listening.
****
“He wants to see you.” Subaru thudded onto the sofa next to Seishirou.
Seishirou blinked. “He wants to see me?”
“Yes.”
Seishirou looked at Subaru’s distraught face and realized what was going on. “Subaru, you know I won’t.”
“I know.” Subaru rubbed his eyes. “I just feel like a total failure. Nothing I said got through to him. I’m not even sure I blame him. If I was him, I’d want to die, too.”
Seishirou stood and extended his hand to Subaru. “Come with me.”
“He doesn’t want to see me anymore.”
“I don’t care. Come with me anyway.”
“He won’t ask if I’m there.”
“That’s the point. Come on.”
Subaru allowed Seishirou to haul him to his feet and up the stairs, but he refused to do more than stand in the doorway while the older man sat on the bed. “I hear you wanted to see me?”
Kamui glanced at Subaru, then looked away. “Yeah.”
“What did you need?”
“I want you to do me a favor.” Kamui swallowed hard, still looking at Subaru. “I want you to kill me.”
Seishirou blinked, as if he hadn’t been expecting it at all. “I’m afraid you’re mistaken, Kamui. I don’t kill people who don’t deserve to die.”
“What about people who want to die?” Kamui asked in a low voice.
Seishirou thought back to Kakyou. “Sorry. Not those either.”
“I’ll do it myself,” Kamui said, trying to sound threatening.
“That’s your perogative,” Seishirou said, keeping up his front of cool disinterest, knowing that it would bother the hell out of Kamui.
It did. “Don’t you care?” Kamui burst out.
Seishirou sighed. “Kamui, you barely know me. There could only be one reason you wanted to see me; I knew that as soon as Subaru-kun told me. But regardless of what I do normally, I can’t kill you, because I promised Subaru I would never do anything that would cause him pain.”
Kamui’s glance darted to Subaru, then just as quickly away. “It’s not fair,” he said, voice quavering.
“I know it isn’t fair,” Seishirou replied. “Most things in life are unfair, especially your life.”
“Seishirou-san . . .” Kamui’s voice trailed away, and he looked steadfastly anywhere but the Sumeragi. “I don’t want . . . to be here anymore. It . . . it hurts too much . . . to remember.”
“Then you have to try to forget,” Seishirou said.
“I can’t!” Kamui yelled. “Every time I close my eyes, I see . . .” His voice trailed off, into a choking sob. Then his eyes went wide with an idea and he grabbed Seishirou’s wrist. “You can make me forget, right? Can’t you?”
Seishirou blinked, taken off guard. “What?”
“Like you made Subaru forget when you first met. You erased his memory. Can you do that for me, if you won’t kill me?”
Seishirou glanced at Subaru, who was staring at Kamui in shock. “Kamui - ”
“Please,” Kamui said, tears starting to trail down his cheeks. “It wouldn’t be hard. You could just . . . erase the bad memories . . . and I would feel better, right?”
Seishirou’s logical mind was slowly clicking through the problems and possibilities. “Kamui, you’ve known Fuuma since you were a small child. There would be no way to explain his sudden absence now, if you remembered him as a child. In order to get rid of ‘the bad memories,’ I would have to erase your entire life.”
“That’s okay,” Kamui said desperately, clutching Seishirou’s arm. “I don’t mind. It would be better that way. You could make up a new life for me, one that . . . that wouldn’t hurt.”
“Kamui, no,” Subaru spoke up, sitting down on the bed next to them.
Kamui stared at him. “Please, Subaru . . .”
Subaru pulled him into a hug, letting the younger boy cry on his shoulder. He looked at Seishirou. “Could you?” he asked softly.
Seishirou paused, then nodded. “Technically, it’s possible.”
There was a long moment where the only sound was Kamui’s soft sobs. Then Subaru took hold of his shoulders, pushing him away a little so they were eye to eye. “Kamui,” he said softly. “Do you really want that?”
Kamui’s eyes ached. “Only if you won’t let me die,” he whispered.
Subaru pulled him close again and looked at Seishirou.
Seishirou leaned forward and put a hand on Kamui’s forehead. The younger man slumped against Subaru’s shoulder, asleep.
“What do we do?” Seishirou asked quietly.
“Shouldn’t we . . . ask the others?” Subaru asked hesitantly.
“You know they’ll only say no,” Seishirou said, shaking his head.
There was a long moment of silence.
“What are you thinking?” Seishirou asked.
“I’m thinking about Kakyou,” Subaru replied. “I couldn’t deny him his Wish . . . why should Kamui’s be any different?”
Another silence.
“Go ahead.” Subaru gently laid Kamui down on the bed. “It’s what he wants.”
“Everything?” Seishirou asked, wanting to double-check this point.
Subaru nodded. “Everything.”
****
The argument with Sorata was long and complicated, but Subaru eventually managed to convince the younger man that it had been all for the best. “He would have killed himself,” Subaru had said. “He would have found a way.”
When they finally got home, both Subaru and Seishirou were too exhausted to do anything other than climb into bed next to each other and curl up together. Subaru stared at the ceiling for a long time.
Seishirou woke up feeling distinctly cold, and realized that Subaru wasn’t there. He got out of bed and wandered into the kitchen, where Subaru was sitting with a mug of tea and a pad of paper. “Why are you still up?” he asked.
“I couldn’t sleep,” Subaru answered. “And I need to . . . to figure out what we’re going to tell Kamui in the morning.”
Seishirou looked down at the notes Subaru was scrawling. “Subaru, he’ll sleep until I let him wake up. You can do that in the morning.”
“I know, but . . . I think I’ll sleep better if it’s done,” he said. He rested his head in his hands. “There’s so much to do . . . we need to see Nokoru . . . I ought to try to find Keichii . . . somewhere in there I still have to see my grandmother . . .”
Seishirou sat down at the table next to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Can I see what you’ve planned?”
“I haven’t really planned anything,” Subaru said miserably. “I can’t figure out what to do about his family. That’s part of what really bothered him, losing his mother. I don’t know what to do.”
Seishirou smoothed his hair and took the pen. “Here, let me help . . .”
They finished it about an hour later. Subaru looked down at it. “He’ll be so different.”
“We didn’t change that much,” Seishirou said gently.
“I know,” Subaru said. “But he’ll still be different.”
“Maybe it’s for the best,” Seishirou said.
“Maybe,” Subaru replied. “And maybe it isn’t. Either way, he’ll never understand me again, not the way he did before.”
Seishirou hugged him tightly, and Subaru finally allowed himself to cry for the loss of his friend.
****