Ladies' Man
A/N: This tried to turn into a long fic, but in the end I managed to save my brain from its hi-jacking, so I think it's safe to say that it'll remain a drabble. PS: I say Gojyo/Hakkai about this although it's rather ambiguous and one-sided. But I just want to say at this point that for those of you who favor the numeral system for this series, I have *no clue* what number this would be. .....58? Whatever; Saiyuki and Gundam Wing look like algebra problems sometimes. ^_^
Sha Gojyo had always prided himself on the fact that he was a ladies’ man.
It was finally coming back to haunt him. Why was it that after so many years of all the women he could stomach, it seemed he had finally tired of them? It just wasn’t fair. His usual nightly routine of going into town, cheating some guys, getting some cash, buying some drinks . . . all the things he had always enjoyed doing . . . held absolutely no joy anymore. And the women who followed all those things held even less.
He had tired of them. Coincidence, he was sure.
Nothing to do with a certain man who had wandered into his life with the damned greenest eyes he had ever seen.
Nothing at all.
It was true that he spent more time at home than he ever had before. He could rationalize this, though. He had been alone for a long time, and it was nice to have someone else in the house. Nice to have someone else to come home to. Nice to not kick the door shut and hear a resounding thud that only came with total emptiness.
That was all, though. It wasn’t that it was Hakkai specifically, it was just the lack of emptiness. That was why he was home more often, or at least that was what he had firmly convinced himself of.
It wasn’t as if Hakkai was always there. The other man had business of his own to attend to. He helped take care of the house, helped bring in a little money tutoring some of the local children. Gojyo was surprised that he had gone back to teaching, but he supposed that Hakkai had figured he should stick with what he knew. Gojyo wanted to ask, but he didn’t. They never asked anything about each other; that was their cardinal rule.
Still, even when Hakkai wasn’t there, just knowing that he would be later made it seem less empty. Gojyo wasn’t sure why.
He appreciated the fact that Hakkai never asked him where he’d been, not even when he came home trashed long past midnight. He appreciated the fact that Hakkai didn’t even ask when he’d obviously been in some sort of brawl. He appreciated the fact that Hakkai didn’t lecture on the fact that his behavior was dangerous and oftentimes downright stupid.
Sure, he appreciated all that. But he appreciated the nights where he was home and they went to bed around the same time more. He appreciated lying in the darkness, listening to Hakkai breathe. And he was damn near addicted to the talks they had late, late at night, when neither of them could sleep. They never asked about each other, but sometimes they told. Sometimes. Those moments were counted among the most precious of Gojyo’s life.
Shit, he thought, crushing out his cigarette and lighting another, trying not to watch Hakkai doing dishes across the apartment, I’m getting sappy.
Sometimes he thought he might appreciate a lecture on his reckless behavior, because at least that would have meant that Hakkai would care if he got himself beaten to a bloody pulp. But that was stupid; he knew Hakkai would care. He just wasn’t the best in the world at showing it, that was all. Gojyo knew that. He just didn’t know why he cared so damn much about whether or not Hakkai would ever figure out how to go about showing it.
It had been three weeks since Hakkai had started living with him. Well, three weeks if you didn’t count the time he had spent recuperating. Gojyo didn’t count it. For one thing, he’d been unconscious, and secondly, that had been Gonou. Not Hakkai. Gojyo was smart enough to know the difference, although at times he wasn’t sure if Hakkai was.
Three weeks, which made it five weeks since Sanzo’s second fateful little visit.
/ “Cho Gonou . . . has . . .” /
Gojyo shuddered, visibly shaking off the memory.
“Gojyo?” Hakkai looked over at him questioningly, from the pile of dishes. His sleeves were pushed back to the elbows and he was up nearly that far in soapy water. Gojyo nearly smiled, remembering Hakkai’s reason – or excuse – for moving in with him.
/ “I mean, he doesn’t even remember the days for trash collecting, so I got concerned . . .” /
“Is something wrong?” Hakkai asked.
“Nah,” Gojyo said, lighting another cigarette and waving it in the air. He was on, what, his seventh? Eighth? He had lost track. It had never seemed like a big deal, although now that Hakkai was with him, he found himself smoking more than before. Stress. Why was Hakkai causing him stress? It had to just be coincidence.
It seemed that there were a lot of coincidences in Sha Gojyo’s life just about now.
Hakkai accepted this response, although he knew it wasn’t the truth, and Gojyo knew he knew. He went back to the dishes.
“It’s late,” Hakkai said, after an interminable silence. Silences were never uncomfortable between the two of them, although they sometimes seemed laden with meaning to Gojyo. He figured he was probably imagining it. “Are you going to want to go to bed soon?”
Gojyo immediately banished a wealth of images that popped into his head implying a whole new meaning for that question. Separate beds. Hakkai meant separate beds, of course. Their beds were in the corner, set up against the walls so their heads would be in the same corner, so they could talk. Talking, that was all.
I need to get laid, Gojyo thought, ignoring the fact that he had gotten laid the night before. If he was having these thoughts about Hakkai, who was his friend and nothing more, then he clearly needed to get laid. If he was having these thoughts about any man, he needed to get laid. He wasn’t attracted to men.
And in all honesty, he wasn’t.
It was just Hakkai that he was attracted to.
He realized with a jolt that Hakkai was still patiently waiting for his answer. “Oh, sure,” he said. He knew he was in for another long night of staring up at his ceiling. But that might be okay. If Hakkai couldn’t sleep, they could talk, and he always enjoyed that more than unconsciousness anyway. Sometimes if it was bad for both of them, they would get up again, make tea, go outside and watch the stars. Those were always the best conversations. Even when nothing was said.
He watched Hakkai finish with the dishes and make his way across the room, fishing the light pants and loose shirt he wore to bed out of the blankets. For someone who seemed so fastidious in every way, Hakkai certainly didn’t bother to keep his part of the small house clean. Gojyo had a feeling that if he had his way, he’d have books and papers scattered everywhere.
Books and papers? Gojyo thought suddenly. Why is that just popping into my head?
He shrugged the thoughts away and went to get his own clothes. He had slept naked before Hakkai arrived. Well, the days of running carefree were gone, as the saying went. They changed in silence. Gojyo, who had never been modest in the slightest, faced the wall while he did it. There were certain things that Hakkai did not need to see, and certain things that Gojyo thought if he saw, might be a little much for his self-control.
They crawled into bed in silence. Gojyo turned out the lamp.
They listened to each other get settled.
“Gojyo?” Hakkai asked, after a long time had passed. Certainly enough time for either of them to fall asleep, but they both knew the other was awake. It wasn’t even something they had needed to learn. They had simply known.
“Yeah?” Gojyo asked, wishing for a cigarette.
“Does my staying here bother you?”
The answer fell out of Gojyo’s mouth automatically, before he had really thought about. “Ch’, don’t be an idiot. Why would it bother me?”
Silence, for a few long moments.
“Nothing,” Hakkai said. “It’s just that lately you’ve seemed a bit uncomfortable around me. I wondered if you had gotten more than you bargained for when you agreed to let me stay.”
“I’ve just had stuff on my mind, that’s all,” Gojyo said. He wondered if Hakkai bought the pathetic little lie. He wondered why he hated lying to Hakkai so much. He was a cheat and a liar by trade. He shouldn’t care, but he did. “It’s not you, so don’t worry about. I like having you stay here.”
“Thank you,” Hakkai said quietly.
There were a lot of other things Gojyo could have said. A lot of things he wanted to say. Maybe something about how strangely devastated he had been after Sanzo’s ‘news.’ How deeply the death of a man he barely knew had upset him. Maybe something about how the moment where they had met in the market had been both the most shocked and relieved in his entire life. Or maybe how he had wanted to take Sanzo’s head off, but had been strangely grateful to the monk for letting – no, for helping – Hakkai survive.
“Shall I make tea?” Hakkai asked, gracefully getting out of bed.
“Yeah,” Gojyo said. “Tea would be good.”
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