Not Forgotten
A/N: I had a dream about the dark circles around Gaara's eyes running like mascara when he started crying. Then it was Wolfie's birthday and she wanted a Gaara fic, and this wound up happening. ....I'm not sure how, really.
They were adults now, the days of their childhood long past. Gaara wasn’t sure exactly when Naruto stopped acting like a child, or exactly what the change was. Naruto still loved ramen, still ate noisily, still blustered and bragged, still claimed he was the best at anything, and still whined about how he wasn’t Hokage yet and just give him a little more time, damnit, it wasn’t his fault that old lady Tsunade had lived so long and so healthily.
Because they were adults, they were responsible now. Naruto had his team to think about. Gaara thought it was funny, Naruto corrupting the minds of youth, and Naruto pretended to be insulted about it but really wasn’t. And of course Gaara had his village, his position as the Kazekage, the weight on his shoulders that had never really gone away.
Gaara didn’t know if he had changed. He still rarely slept, was still dry and cold and the master of flat affect. He still hated everyone except those closest to him, and rarely added to that circle. Like Naruto, if he had changed by becoming an adult, he couldn’t pinpoint what the change was.
Sometimes he doubted that he was really capable of change.
Once in a while, he surprised himself.
He had not cried since Yashamaru had betrayed him and died, and that was long past now, a distant memory. He knew it had profoundly affected the way he behaved, the way he felt, but it was over and done with. He rarely thought about it.
So he wondered why, as he stood there in the council room with his back to the room, facing out the window, where he had spent so many days as Kazekage pondering his little village. Why little things could still affect him. Why big things didn’t.
“Naa . . .” Naruto spoke from the doorway. “I’ll be back soon.”
Gaara nodded and did not turn around. They both knew it was a lie. If Naruto returned at all, it would not be to Gaara. It was never to Gaara.
Naruto would fight for his country, fight for his friends and his teammates and his life, and when he was done fighting, no matter how badly injured, he would pick himself up and drag himself back to Konoha. To Sasuke. And once his wounds had been treated and he’d had some ramen and probably, if the injuries weren’t so bad, some sex, he would then send a messenger to Gaara to let him know that he was all right.
This mission was different, a step above, more dangerous than any previous mission since they had survived Akatsuki. But it was still Naruto. Gaara didn’t fear for him, not much. The fear was dulled by the hurt, because Naruto would return, but not to him.
“Aren’t you at least going to say goodbye?” Naruto asked. The tone was joking, but the words were not. Gaara hated it when this happened, when Naruto’s rare visits were interrupted by urgent missions. It angered him. Naruto only got the chance to come see him every so often, and it seemed like every time, he had to leave early and go save the world. And Gaara, even though he would not, could not go with him, was never invited.
“See you later,” he said, watching the wind blow sand through the empty streets.
“Hey . . .”
Naruto had crossed the room before Gaara realized what had happened, and a firm hand grasped his shoulder, turning him around.
“Don’t,” Gaara said roughly, and he pulled out of Naruto’s grip. “Don’t look at me.”
“You – ”
“Don’t look at me!”
Naruto turned away and looked out the window instead. They stood there, side by side, in silence for a few minutes.
“My eyes are closed,” Naruto announced suddenly, and turned to Gaara again. Gaara opened his mouth to say something about how stupid and childish it was to take him so literally, but then Naruto thumbed the tears off his cheeks and he forgot about being angry with him.
Naruto turned away again, and opened his eyes, and they stood in silence.
“Why?” Naruto finally asked.
Gaara shrugged and gave the only answer he could. “Because no matter how hard I try, I haven’t forgotten how.”
Naruto nodded, accepting this answer, in all its cryptic Gaara-ness.
“I’ll be back,” he said again.
“Okay,” Gaara replied.
Naruto took Gaara’s chin in one hand and kissed him hard on the mouth before leaving through the window as silently as he had arrived. He always did that before he left – an apology of sorts, Gaara suspected, because he could never stay, and even if he did stay, Gaara would never get more than that kiss.
He absently rubbed the remaining tears off his cheeks and turned back to his work, thinking after all that, Yashamaru had been so stupid that his betrayal didn’t bear thinking about. Because love didn’t heal hearts. It broke them.
Naruto Fanfiction
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