Brad left the apartment shortly after his conversation with Schuldig, and that left the telepath both bored and unhappy. Although he wasn’t technically allowed out yet, he figured that since he was allowed out of bed, going out wouldn’t do him any harm. He desperately wanted company, and he thought that Yohji might be able to help him work out how he was feeling.
Nagi was also out at work, so Schuldig didn’t waste any time. After a moment, however, he remembered that Chien was still a bastard and he might want to check with Yohji before showing up on their doorstep. He latched onto the man’s mind with frightening ease. /Yohji? You busy?/
Over at the Koneko, Yohji jumped a foot in the air and spilled flowers all over the girl he was waiting on. She gave him a rather affronted look, but was quickly placated by his charming smile, accompanied with a somewhat less than sincere apology. /I’m still not used to you doing that,/ Yohji replied, once the girl was gone.
Schuldig grinned and tried to sound contrite. /Um . . . sorry. It takes everyone a little while to get used to the Party Line./
/Party Line./ Yohji let out an amused snort. /No, I’m not busy. Well, I’m working, but I get off shift in fifteen minutes./
/Got some free time after that?/
/For you, anything./ Yohji was pleased at the concept of being able to see Schuldig up and around for a change. He had checked that morning with Nagi (through Omi) to make sure that Schuldig was going to be allowed out of bed. He wouldn’t put it past the telepath to try to trick him.
Schuldig smiled mentally, which was somewhat akin to being wrapped in a warm mental blanket. /I’ll see you soon, then./
Yohji finished up his shift in a mood so good that everyone else working in the flower shop knew exactly who was going to be gracing them with his presence. He skipped out a few minutes early (gaining a truly frightening look from Aya), to sit on the front step and smoke a cigarette while he waited.
Schuldig zoomed up a few minutes later, parked in front, and got out of the car. He strolled up to the front with his trademark smirk. “Did you think I’d forget where you worked with out a landmark?”
Yohji grinned up at him. “No . . . I wanted a cigarette, and because it’s a gorgeous day, and I figured the more I saw of my gorgeous redhead, the better.”
“Thank you,” Schuldig said, and figured that two could play at the game of hitting on each other outrageously. “My hair always looks better in natural light.” He plopped down on the step next to Yohji to wait for him to finish his cigarette.
“Mm, so it does.” Apparently in no hurry to finish the cigarette, Yohji leaned over to nibble on Schuldig’s ear.
“Missed me, I see,” Schuldig said in a teasing voice, turning to giving him a slow, lingering kiss.
“Very much,” Yohji agreed, giving up on the cigarette entirely and wrapping one arm around Schuldig’s waist, deepening the kiss past proportions that most people would consider proper for the doorstep of a business.
“Missed you too,” Schuldig said breathily, pulling away long enough to deliver that statement right into Yohji’s ear, punctuating it with a lick.
Yohji’s eyes drifted closed lazily. “Was worried, too,” he said, one hand curving around Schuldig’s hip. If he moved any closer, he was going to be in Schuldig’s lap.
“I’m all right now,” Schuldig assured him, wrapping his arms around Yohji’s lap and snuggling closer, only breaking off the kiss long enough to speak. Neither of them paid any attention when the front door opened and Aya glared down at them.
When they didn’t seem to notice, even when he cleared his throat, he lifted one booted foot and nudged Yohji in the shoulder, more firmly than could be comfortable. “This is a public place. No one wants to see your private business.”
Yohji glared up at him, then grinned, seeing a perfect opportunity to tease Aya (not to mention court death). “You mean you’re not enjoying it?” he asked innocently, curling a few strands of Schuldig’s hair between his fingers and kissing it.
Aya’s glare didn’t lessen in the slightest. “One would think you had been raised in a foreign country,” he stated, annoyed. “Also, if any of the girls see you they’ll only swamp the place more.”
“Good point,” Yohji said. “About the girls, anyway.” He stood up, offering Schuldig his hand. He blew Aya a kiss as the other man made a huffing noise and pushed past him. Schuldig accepted Yohji’s hand, and although he tried his best to hide it, it was clear to Yohji that the redhead actually did need his help getting up. His eyes narrowed, but he didn’t mention it until they were safely up in their apartment. “So,” he said conversationally, “what was worth nearly popping your stitches so much that you had to come see me?”
“I didn’t nearly pop my stitches,” Schuldig said, pouting. “And Crawford. Well, him and I’ll take any excuse I can to come see you.”
Yohji blinked, now puzzled. “Crawford wanted you to come see me?”
“No,” Schuldig said patiently. “I’m here about Crawford. He is most likely still sitting somewhere thinking horribly jealous thoughts about you.”
“Wow, and here I thought I was already confused,” Yohji said. He steered Schuldig over to the bed and made him sit down on it. “Want a drink?”
“Please,” Schuldig said. “See, that’s part of the problem I think you, me and he are all feeling confused.”
“Well, I know that parts of that are accurate.” Yohji went over to the bed with two glasses in his hand. He offered one to Schuldig, then sat down next to him. “So why are we all confused?”
“Because this morning I saw him looking at me,” Schuldig said, as if Yohji should draw all the necessary conclusions from that sentence. “The way you look at me. And why didn’t I ever notice? And what the hell am I supposed to do about this and . . . God.” He gave up on knowing what to say.
There was a long pause while Yohji thought about this. “So Crawford . . .” He let the sentence trail off, hoping that Schuldig would fill in the rest for him.
“Is in love with me as far as I can figure,” Schuldig obliged. “Not that he would ever actually say it.”
“Wow,” Yohji said, at length.
“And I don’t know what to do,” Schuldig said, starting to sound frustrated and upset again, “because I can’t just go with my first instinct which is what I would usually do.”
“Well, what’s your first instinct tell you to do?” Yohji asked, reasonably enough.
Schuldig steadfastly stared at his knees, not wanting to look at Yohji. He was afraid that no matter what he said, Yohji would take it as some sort of betrayal. Still, he knew that Yohji understood how much loyalty he had to Brad, even if he’d never thought about it in these terms before. “Anything I needed to, to make that subtly hurt look leave his face.”
Yohji mulled this over for a long moment. “So are you in love with him?”
“I . . . I don’t know.” Schuldig tugged one hand through his hair, trying to organize his thoughts so that they’d make an ounce of sense to Yohji. “All the little things that go with the definition of love are there. Missing him desperately when he’s gone, wanting to make him happy, needing his approval, liking his company as irritating as it can be. Thinking he’s physically attractive. And these things have all been here for a few years. But than I ask why didn’t I ever think about it before. Or notice. And then the bigger question. How can I love him when I know I love you?”
“Well, to start with, you probably never thought about him like a lover because he doesn't give off any impression of wanting you that way, right?” Yohji asked, determined to take this conversation one step at a time. “Or at least, didn’t. So you were already used to thinking about him a different way.”
“Well yes, but I can’t even figure out what’s changed about the way I look at him,” Schuldig said miserably. “Everything I thought I still think.”
Yohji took the blunt road. He was curious, after all. “Do you want to have sex with him?”
Schuldig was taken off guard by the question, and blurted out the first answer that came to his head. “He was doing pushups while they had him locked up. The man looks like a fucking god now.”
Yohji choked and tried to not start laughing. “So that’s a yes?”
“I wouldn’t cheat on you, but otherwise yeah.”
Yohji considered all this for a few minutes, trying to figure out how to say what he was thinking. Words had never been his forte in any case, particularly not conversations like this. “In all honesty, I wouldn’t particularly care that much,” he finally said. It wasn’t like he had ever had much in the way of sexual mores. “I mean, I know you love me. I can feel it.”
Schuldig blinked at him stupidly. He didn’t know what he had been expecting, but Yohji’s casual statement certainly wasn’t it. It couldn’t be that easy, could it? He caught Yohji wondering off-handedly whether or not he’d ever be able to get them both into bed together and nearly began blushing.
“So do you love him or don’t you?” Yohji asked hurriedly, guessing what Schuldig had heard him thinking about. “Now that you’re not worried about offending me, try to be honest.”
“I do, I think, and am feeling very stupid for missing it.”
“There I can’t help you.”
“Well, what do you think I should do?” Schuldig asked helplessly. “I’m open to advice.”
Yohji shrugged. “Talk it over with him, I guess. Did he say anything about, you know, what he wanted to do? Or did you just catch him looking?”
“He said that since I had you it was basically a moot point.”
There was a long silence while Yohji gave this serious thought. “I would rather share you than lose you.”
“You won’t lose me,” Schuldig said, smiling at him.
Yohji leaned over and kissed him on the forehead. “But I don’t want to make you choose between me and him. That was my point.”
“Thank you,” Schuldig said, leaning against him.
“Of course, he might not want to share,” Yohji pointed out, wanting Schuldig to be prepared if that was the case. Personally, he had no idea what the other man was thinking, and he wasn’t going to venture a guess.
“I hope he’s not like that,” Schuldig said. “He’s one of the only people that can hide things from me. I’m not used to looking for hidden motivations or gauging how people will react.”
“Well, you can only try.” Yohji hugged him tightly and wondered when he had started giving inspiring pep talks.
“I missed you,” Schuldig said, hugging him back.
“Didn’t we already go over that while we were making out on the front step?” Yohji asked, amused.
“It couldn’t hurt to say it again.” Schuldig pulled him into a rather involved kiss.
“Missed you too,” Yohji said. After a few moments of the kiss, he pulled away. “How’s your injury?” he asked suspiciously, remembering Schuldig’s trouble getting off the front steps.
“I’m fine.”
“Uh huh . . . that’s why you needed my help earlier.” Ignoring his better judgment, he leaned over and began planting a string of kisses along Schuldig’s jaw and down his neck. He guessed that if Brad was letting the telepath out of the house, the injury was probably mostly healed anyway . . .
“Sex means laying down, not standing up,” Schuldig pointed out, tilting his head back to give Yohji more skin to work with.
“I’m really not sure that means we should,” Yohji said mildly.
“Uh huh,” Schuldig agreed, crawling into Yohji’s lap and seating himself rather firmly.
“You’re really annoying,” Yohji muttered, pushing Schuldig off him and down onto the bed, so he was lying down. He landed a kiss on Schuldig’s lips before Schuldig could say anything else, putting his knees on either side of Schuldig’s hips and leaning down. Schuldig seemed greatly appreciative of this, working his hands up the back of Yohji’s shirt.
Yohji, who was feeling rather frustrated after all the time Schuldig had been in the hospital and then bedridden, pushed Schuldig’s shirt over his head, lifting him up slightly to do so. What he saw stopped him cold. “Schu!” he protested, dropping the shirt to the floor. “You still have stitches!”
“So?” Schuldig asked.
“So! So you can’t have sex!” Yohji glared down at him. “You might pull one of them. You didn’t tell me you still had stitches.”
“I don’t care,” Schuldig said, with an exaggerated pout.
“I didn’t say we couldn’t do anything,” Yohji said with a slight smile, brushing one of his hands over the front of Schuldig’s pants. “I just said we couldn’t have sex.”
Schuldig’s eyes drifted closed. “Well, then, you shouldn’t worry me like that,” he mumbled.
“It just startled me, that’s all,” Yohji said, his hand dipping down below Schuldig’s pants.
Schuldig squirmed. “You’re sure we can’t have sex?” he asked, slightly breathless.
“Positive,” Yohji said, slowly kissing down Schuldig’s chest. “Don’t worry, I won’t leave you with any complaints.”
“Right . . .” Schuldig had lost his capacity for speech. His hand fisted lightly in Yohji’s hair.
Yohji took his sweet time, but he definitely did not leave Schuldig with complaints. Nor did Schuldig leave him with any, once Yohji was done griping about how he shouldn’t be moving around and straining his wound. Schuldig very effectively cut these complaints off.
“Can you stay here for a while?” Yohji asked afterwards, curled up sleepily on the bed. He had no desire to move any time in the near future.
“I’ll have to be home soon,” Schuldig murmured. “Chien will be back for dinner.”
Yohji wrinkled his nose, running his hands through Schuldig’s hair. “He’s such a prick.”
“Ja.” Schuldig pulled the blanket over them, snuggling closer.
Yohji reached over and set the alarm for an hour later, so they wouldn’t sleep the whole day away, not that he would particularly care. “I like it when you speak German . . . ‘scute.”
“Wirklich?” Schuldig asked.
“Uh . . . dunno what that bit means, but okay.”
Schuldig laughed a little, softly.
“C’mon . . .” Yohji wrapped an arm around his waist. “Sleep.”
“Ja.”
^^^^
Feeling in a much better mood, Schuldig strolled in the apartment door only about forty-five seconds before Chien. The Chinese man glared at him as he came in and found Schuldig taking off his shoes, but since he didn’t technically know where he had gone, couldn’t reprimand him.
He located Brad quickly. The older man was sitting on Schuldig’s bed with his back against the wall, reading a book. Schuldig had a suspicion that Brad wasn’t actually reading it, but was more holding it as a prop. Given that the lack of newspaper had indirectly caused their conversation in the kitchen, Schuldig wasn’t sure he blamed the man.
Schuldig flopped down onto his bed, angling carefully so he didn’t fall with too much force. Although he would have rather been strung up and left to dry than admit it, his earlier activities with Yohji had left him feeling worn out and strained. “What are you reading?” he asked curiously.
Brad’s eyes flickered to him briefly over the top of the book. “Crime and Punishment,” he said.
“Really?” Schuldig asked curiously. “I heard it was boring.”
“It’s only boring if you don’t appreciate good literature,” Brad said loftily.
Schuldig couldn’t help but wonder if the man was teasing him. It was possibly, if not likely. After a moment, he decide to treat it like a genuine statement and argue. “Bull. Just because something’s good doesn’t mean it’s enjoyable. I’ve read plenty of good literature.”
“Was it boring?” Brad asked, sounding amused.
“As a matter of fact, no,” Schuldig retorted. “Well, okay, most of it wasn’t. One or two things were.” He rolled over and sat up partway, crawling over to where Brad was sitting, as if he wanted a better glimpse of the book.
“My point exactly,” Brad said. He gave Schuldig a look at his movement, like he would have been nervous, but was unwilling to be.
“So,” Schuldig said brightly, propping himself up so he had his chin in his hands and was facing the other man, “I was thinking about what we were talking about earlier.”
“Mm hmm,” Brad said, not looking up.
“Well . . .” Schuldig’s voice trailed off and he nearly lost his nerve. He simply wasn’t quite sure how to say any of what he had to say with tact. “I was thinking, that it might be nice, workable, and quite frankly – ” Here Schuldig gave up on tact, because it wasn’t in his vocabulary anyway – “downright magnificent if we stopped acting like we didn’t love each other and had some sort of real relationship.” Schuldig held his breath, hoping he hadn’t just blown everything to hell.
Brad raised an eyebrow at him and didn’t respond to this speech except to say, “We do have a real relationship.”
Schuldig gave him a look. “I meant romantic and you know it.”
There was a pause, then Brad redirected his gaze towards his book. “Quite frankly, Schuldig, I never tried to act like I didn’t love you.”
“Okay, so since I’m done being a blind idiot,” Schuldig said, feeling like he somewhat deserved Brad’s irritation with him over this, “a romantic relationship would be nice.”
“I’m sure it would be very nice,” Brad said in a perfectly neutral tone, turning a page.
“Why aren’t you even paying attention to me?” Schuldig asked, the first note of irritation creeping into his voice.
“I’m paying complete attention to you, Schuldig. It’s just not a discussion I’d like to have.”
“Why not?” Schuldig asked.
“I don’t really think it’s necessary.”
“I think it is,” Schuldig retorted.
Brad sighed a little. For a moment it looked like he might put the book aside, then he changed his mind. “Schuldig, I know you better than you know yourself. You’ve found out that I care about you and now you’ve convinced yourself that you return my feelings, but you don’t. So there’s no point in discussing it.”
“I have never lied to myself in the past and I’m not about to start now,” Schuldig said, his tone almost indignant. “If I’ve decided that I love you then I most certainly do.”
“I don’t expect you to understand,” Brad said, after a long moment of deliberation.
“Make me understand,” Schuldig demanded. “Explain it to me. And stop ignoring me in favor of that damned boring book.”
“I’m not ignoring you, and it doesn’t matter if you don’t understand.”
“It does too matter!” Schuldig snatched the book and tossed it across the room, where it hit the wall with a slight thud.
“Schuldig, I know damn well that I was the first person in your memory to show affection for you,” Brad said patiently. Schuldig wanted to smack the patient, patronizing look right off his face. He wasn’t sure if Brad actually meant to be condescending, if he was doing it by accident, or if he was using it to piss him off. If it was the latter, he was certainly succeeding in spades. “It’s natural that you want me to be happy, but this won’t help.”
“Yes, I want you to be happy,” Schuldig snapped. “Of course I want you to be happy. But I have never lied to either you or myself before. Why would I start now?”
“Because I firmly believe you never have a clue what you’re really thinking anyway,” Brad said dryly.
Schuldig’s eyes narrowed. “Now you’re just trying to piss me off so I forget what this conversation is really about,” he stated with certainty.
“Not really,” Brad said mildly.
“Then what are you trying to do?” Schuldig demanded furiously. “Because I don’t want to be blown off here, and I’m not to going to let you.”
“I was hoping that you would get the picture without having to draw out the discussion.”
“I have the picture and I don’t like it,” Schuldig snarled. “It doesn’t make any sense.”
“Just because I love you doesn’t mean that this would work, Schuldig,” Brad said, and Schuldig would have sworn that the precog was actually trying to let him down gently.
At the least, it succeeded in making Schuldig a little less angry. “Why not?”
“There are a lot of reasons,” Brad said with another slight sigh. “I know you look upon me as more of a protector, older brother figure, and that would be hard to change. The team dynamics would alter too much, and this would be a very bad time for that. And you have Yohji.”
Schuldig took the time to consider all this, and wondered why he had a suspicion it was that last that bothered Brad the most. He hoped that he could counter it all in a reasonable way, although Brad’s attitude so far wasn’t very encouraging. “You were . . . are my protector, but I never thought of you as a brother. And the team dynamic wouldn’t really change that much, if at all. You’re in charge because you’re a competent and good leader. I’ve trusted you to get us through alive and even ahead of the game in the past; I will in the future. And having Yohji doesn’t preclude having you. The two are not mutually exclusive.”
“Just because you’re willing to split your time doesn’t mean that either Yohji or I is willing to share,” Brad pointed out, and seemed to ignore the rest of Schuldig’s statements. Schuldig took that to mean that he had been right in his impression that the thing about Yohji bothered Brad the most – that or Brad knew there was no way to argue Schuldig’s for once not flawed logic.
He gave the older man a steady look. “Yohji is willing to share. Did you think I would just not include him in something this important?”
“You told him?” Brad asked, and he actually sounded mildly surprised. Schuldig wondered why he hadn’t bothered to check; possibly, Brad hadn’t wanted to know what was going to happen. It seemed remarkably out of character for the normally unflappable precog.
Schuldig decided against saying any of this, since Brad seemed honestly committed to being an asshole and an idiot. “It wouldn’t have been fair not to. And I wanted to have someone to talk to, to make sure I was thinking clearly and hadn’t simply invented it all.”
Brad rubbed his temples briefly. “It won’t work, Schuldig. You said you trust me, so trust me.”
“This time I need to know why,” Schuldig said quietly. “This is too important to just accept your word and let it go.”
“I’m afraid you’ll have to.” Brad stood up abruptly and retrieved his book.
“Not good enough this time, so I’d like a real answer next time I ask,” Schuldig snapped, back to being angry.
“And when will that be?” Brad asked, settling on the bed again and finding the page he had been on before Schuldig had snatched the book.
“When I think it’s the right time.”
Brad rolled his eyes. “Thank you. How specific.”
Schuldig smiled slightly, amused that Brad now knew how he felt whenever the older man was being his usual mysterious self. “Why does it matter?”
“I’d just like to prepare myself, so perhaps I can be out of the country on that day.”
“Not a chance.”
“No, I didn’t figure.” Brad had found his place and directed his attention to the book.
“You know, sometimes it’s okay to not plan everything and have a little faith in something besides your visions,” Schuldig snapped. He was angry and upset, much more than he would have expected to be. He got off the bed, and the effort caused him a little pain, which only made him angrier. Without another word, he flounced out of the room and slammed the door behind him.
Brad stared at his book without seeing a single word for a few long minutes before he gave up and simply closed his eyes.