They Had to Learn it All Somewhere
Author’s notes: Uhm... spawned many, many moons ago from the comment about how Muraki must have attended the same Evil School as Seishirou and copied his notes all the time. This is the resulting fic.
Warnings: Multi-series crossover fic. But I don’t think we used anything too obscure. Characters are from X/1999, Yami no Matsuei, Gundam Wing, Fushigi Yuugi, Gundam X, Lain, Card Captor Sakura, Trigun, Evangelion, Escaflowne, Weiss Kreuz, and Gravitation. Don’t worry if you don’t know where everyone is from.
Extra warnings: There will most likely be shonen ai and yaoi scattered in here, innuendo if nothing else. But certainly not anything worth more than a PG-13.
Disclaimer: They would probably have us lynched if they knew we were doing this to their characters.
Chapter One
“Yeah, I know the feeling,” Schuldig sympathized, taking the chair next to Soi. “My boss made me come too. I told him that I was perfectly capable of being evil on my own, but does he believe me? Of course not.”
“You could use the extra training,” Brad commented coolly as he walked by. Schuldig gave him a glare, wondering if Brad had foreseen his complaints and come over to taunt him on purpose. Most likely.
“Yeah, well, Nakago-sama wants to conquer some stupid country,” Soi grumbled. “And he doesn’t seem to understand that I already know how to do my job. I can call down lightning with the best of them. What am I going to learn here?”
“You shouldn’t speak that way about Nakago-sama,” Tomo reproved.
Soi blinked at him. “You’re such a kissup. Seen the twins lately?”
Tomo rolled his eyes. “Amiboshi already had a fit of conscience and asked to go home. Suboshi went with him.”
“They were only here for half an hour!” Soi protested.
“They’re just no good at being evil,” Tomo said mournfully.
“Yo,” a teenager said, dropping in the chair next to him. “Is that little dark-haired kid your friend?” he asked Schuldig.
“Friend, teammate, pick a term,” Schuldig said lazily.
“Well, he’s off hitting on a psychobitch, so you might want to go rescue him,” he replied. “Oh hey, I didn’t introduce myself. Monou Fuuma, at your service.”
“Oh, really?” Schuldig asked, raising an eyebrow.
“He’s all talk,” Seishirou replied, coming up behind Fuuma and putting his hands on the back of the teenager’s chair. In return, Fuuma gave him a rather dirty look. “He doesn’t serve anybody.”
“It’s better than serving a Tree,” Fuuma snapped.
“I resemble that remark,” a voice said, making its way over to the group.
Fuuma fell over. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“Learning,” Tree-san said smugly.
“I give up,” Fuuma announced. “Hey, anyone seen that creepy one-eyed guy?” He paused as everyone blinked at him. “The other creepy one-eyed guy. With the white hair and coat and . . . ewwie.”
“You mean Farfie?” Schuldig asked uncertainly.
“How many one-eyed guys with white hair in white coats are there?” Dorothy asked, overhearing this. She stopped short at the fringes of the group while other people milled around.
“Apparently at least two, because I meant Muraki,” Fuuma said dryly. “I guess having one eye really is a union mark.”
“I could jab out yours,” Seishirou told him, sounding a bit irritated.
“No thanks,” Fuuma replied.
“Oh, but you have such nice eyes,” Kanoe cooed, draping herself over the back of Fuuma’s chair. “It’d be a shame if anything happened to them.”
Fuuma rocked his chair backwards, forcing her to take a few steps away. “Get your breasts off me, bitch.”
“Hussy much?” Dorothy asked, raising one of her impressive eyebrows. The entire group shuddered. “What’d I say?”
“So what psycho-bitch is Nagi making friends with?” Schuldig asked, trying to direct the conversation back onto somewhat more reasonable topics. Or at least a topic that didn’t involve Dorothy’s eyebrows. Or Kanoe’s breasts.
“Oh, that’s Satsuki.” Fuuma waved over to where Nagi was talking earnestly to the sociopath. “She’s in love with her computer. Or possibly it’s in love with her. We’re not really sure of which.”
“They ought to get along fine then,” Schuldig said, rolling his eyes.
“So who else can we mock safely from a distance?” Fuuma asked brightly. “Did you see those two guys in ugly clothes over there? They look sort of alike. And I get the feeling they’re talking to each other without us knowing, which makes me really notice.”
“Oh, I know they’re talking to each other,” Schuldig said, rolling his eyes. “They’re making just as much fun of us as we’re all making of them.”
“Well, who are they?” Seishirou asked with interest.
“Olba and Shagia Frost.” Schuldig paused. “And I thought my name was bad.”
“Your name isn’t even real,” Brad remarked, coming back to the group and this time taking a seat. “The Frost brothers are well known for joining up with an army, climbing the ranks, and then murdering their superiors. They’re quite good at it.” Everyone blinked at him. “Some of us did research, you know.”
“Nakago-sama told us who everyone was,” Tomo said, then added regretfully, “but we weren’t paying much attention.”
“Is Nakago the good-looking blonde over there?” Fuuma asked. At Tomo’s nod, he said, “His shoulder pads need help, but other than that . . .”
“No, his shoulder pads need help,” Dorothy corrected, pointing at a blue-haired man as he walked by. The entire group fell silent, staring at him.
“Legato Bluesummers,” Brad supplied, once he was gone. “You think he’s bad, you should see his boss. I believe he’s teaching the class on insanity.”
“Why am I not surprised?” Schuldig asked, rolling his eyes.
“You guys got a class schedule?” Wolfwood asked, wandering over. “I didn’t get one. Then again, I didn’t want to come, so I probably just threw it in the trash or something. Anyone have a cigarette? I ran out.”
Seishirou, Schuldig, and Fuuma all offered him one. He accepted the first and bent it slightly before lighting it.
“This is the class schedule,” Brad said, pulling something out of his pocket. “Week one is Evil 101: the basics of being the villain. Taught by Gendo Ikari.”
“Who’s that?” Dorothy asked.
“That guy who’s sitting at that table over there, has done nothing but sit at that table over there, with his hands folded in front of him and is glaring at us like he wants us all to melt into orange goo or something,” Fuuma said nonchalantly.
“Yes . . . that’s precisely what he wants,” Schuldig said dryly.
“Week two has three classes,” Brad continued. “A computers class in the morning, taught by . . .” He squinted at the paper. “I don’t think this is right.”
“What’s it say?” several voices clamored.
“That it’s taught by GOD.”
“Oh.”
“Well, moving on,” Brad said, pushing his glasses up on his nose and giving Schuldig a stern look before the redhead tried to set his sleeve on fire with a cigarette, “the afternoon class in the second week is Clever Schemes 101. That’s taught by Clow Reed. He and GOD must only be professors, because I don’t believe they’re here anywhere. The other class that week is How to Play Mind Games with your Enemy.”
“That’s taught by yours truly,” Schuldig crowed. Everyone blinked at him. “What?” he asked, offended. “I’m good at it.”
“I have to take a class from you?” Seishirou asked skeptically.
“Damn straight you do,” Schuldig said.
“Well, you probably have to take mine, then,” Seishirou said, looking smug. “How to be Evil with Style and Class. Fuuma-kun and I are teaching that.”
Schuldig rolled his eyes. “When’s that, Crawford?”
“That’s in the fourth week. Third week has Insanity, taught by Knives, Assassinating your Superiors, taught by the Frost Brothers, and Explosives. Taught by Dilandau, who I don’t believe we’ve met.”
“You’ll know him when you see him,” a deep voice predicted in a dire tone, and they all blinked at this new arrival, who had blue spiky hair and one mechanic arm. “He works for me,” Folken explained. “On occasion. When his medication allows.”
“Sounds like Farfie,” Schuldig remarked. “Where’d he get off to, anyway?”
“I made the mistake of telling him that the Computers class was taught by GOD,” Brad said sourly.
“Oh,” Schuldig said. “Anyone have any tranquilzers?”
“I do,” another new voice said, and they all turned to see the other one-eyed white-haired man. “I keep some on me at all times, just in case.”
“In case of what, you need to drag somebody back to your lair?” Dorothy asked, raising one of her eyebrows again. Only about half of them shuddered. They were getting used to it.
Fuuma and Schuldig were both blinking at Muraki. “You’re fucked up,” Fuuma finally proclaimed.
“In a very profound way,” Schuldig added.
“Thank you,” Muraki said. “I appreciate the compliment.” He then sat down next to Seishirou and began giving the man sidelong glances. Seishirou tried to decide whether he wanted to invite the attention or feed him to the Tree. The Tree, sensing this dilemma, wrinkled its nose.
“Don’t you dare,” it said.
“The fourth week,” Brad continued, as if none of this disturbed him in the slightest, “is the style class, How to Gather Minions to Carry Out Your Evil Purposes -- that’s a bit wordy, isn’t it? -- taught by Legato, and Motives for Evil.”
“Nakago-sama!” Soi gushed. When everyone looked at her, she turned slightly pink. “Nakago-sama has very good motives,” she mumbled.
“You’re going to need to learn to control that,” Dorothy remarked. “Ne, speaking of superiors, has anyone seen mine? You can’t miss Treize. His eyebrows are the same as mine, but not as bad.”
Everyone shuddered again.
“And he’ll have a woman with brown hair following him around like a lapdog,” Dorothy went on to add.
“See if you get a Gundam,” Une remarked dryly, from where she was standing behind Dorothy, and had been for quite some time.
Dorothy meeped.
“What’s this about Gundams?” Olba asked, walking over to the group. “We were looking to acquire some . . .”
Une smiled at him. “Come over here, we can talk business.”
“Oh great,” Dorothy remarked, as Une went to talk to the Frost brothers.
“Wonder how long it’ll be before she’s bumped off,” Tree-san said thoughtfully.
“She can take him,” Dorothy replied.
“The fifth week of classes,” Brad continued, still going strong despite all obstacles, “is the last. How to Unnerve your Enemies to your Best Advantage. Is it just me or are these titles getting longer as we go along?”
“They are,” Tomo confirmed.
“That would be taught by one-eyed white-haired white-coat number two,” Brad said, gesturing to Muraki, who blinked at him in confusion. “After that is How to Build an Evil Government to Suit Your Liking, taught by Treize Khus -- kshu -- uhm . . .”
“Khushrenada,” Dorothy spoke up. “He’s my boss. Sort of. Well, definitely a cousin of some sort, at least. The eyebrows are a family thing.”
“Will you stop talking about your eyebrows?” Fuuma burst out. “Every time you mention them we all want to look at them, and then we all have to try not to shudder! It’s really distracting.”
“Oh.” Dorothy blinked. “Sorry.”
Fuuma sighed. “Ne, Seishirou, do you have a cigarette?”
Seishirou blinked at him. “You have one. You offered it to him earlier.” He gestured to Wolfwood, who looking slightly discomfited that people were actually talking about him.
“But yours taste better,” Fuuma whined. “Because they’ve been in your pocket all day.”
“Then eat them,” Seishirou said, offering him the pack.
“Bastard,” Fuuma remarked mildly, as everyone else laughed.
“Don’t bother buttering him up,” Schuldig said to Fuuma, offering him a cigarette. “He’ll sleep with you anyway.”
Seishirou coughed. “I’m desperate.”
Fuuma gave him a dirty look.
“You can say that again,” Tree-san muttered.
Seishirou gave it a dirty look.
“The last class,” Brad continued, “is Use Loyalty to Make Other People Do What You Want.” He paused. “That wasn’t so bad. That’s taught by Seguchi Touma.”
“And then we can all go home?” Soi asked eagerly.
“No, then we have final projects,” Brad said. “You’re supposed to work on them throughout the five weeks and present them in the last.”
“Damn,” Schuldig remarked.
~~~~
“You didn’t tell me that they were running this,” Schuldig hissed to Brad, seeing the three old members of Esset sitting at the front of the room. “They creep me out!”
Brad just raised an eyebrow at him as everyone settled into a large circle.
“We’re all going to introduce ourselves now,” the elderly woman said, her voice creaking. She looked like she should have been sitting in a porch chair with a cat. Nagi and Schuldig both shuddered. “Tell us your name, your age, and an adjective to describe yourself that starts with the same letter as your name.”
Everyone blinked at her.
“It’ll be fun,” she said with a smile that promised ill for anyone who disobeyed.
Brad cleared his throat. “My name is Brad Crawford. According to the manga, I’m twenty-five, but in the anime I’m in my early thirties.” He noticed everyone was staring at him. “You all know what I’m talking about, so stop looking so shocked. I prefer to be twenty-five. It says something about my capabilities. An adjective is . . .”
“Bouncy Brad!” Schuldig piped up.
“Brilliant,” Brad corrected, pushing his glasses up on his nose.
Schuldig rolled his eyes. “I’m Schuldig and I’m eighteen.” He glared at Brad, daring the fearless leader to contradict his age. “And I’m . . . shocking.”
“Got that right,” Nagi was heard to mutter. He cleared his throat. “Naoe Nagi, fifteen, numerically oriented.”
“That’s cheating,” Fuuma protested. “It’s two words!”
“So?” Nagi blinked at him. “Cheat.”
“Oh.” Fuuma considered this. “Okay.”
Farfie blinked as he realized everyone was looking at him.
Schuldig spoke up on his behalf. “That’s Farfie, he’s seventeen we think, and he’s definitely feral.”
“Faithless,” Farfie added.
“That too,” Schuldig agreed.
Dilandau was the only one brave enough (or crazy enough) to sit next to Farfie. “Dilandau, devastating.”
“You didn’t tell us your age,” Seishirou remarked.
“You’re right.”
“Moving on then . . .” Folken chose to avoid an argument. “My name is Folken Fanel, I don’t wish to disclose my age either, and an adjective for me is fatal.”
((**Brownie points if you catch the pun!**))
Seishirou was next. “Sakurazuka Seishirou, I’m twenty-five -- er -- that or thirty-four, I’m not sure which -- and an adjective for me is . . . sexy.” He bestowed a smirk on Fuuma, who smirked right back.
“Can you two keep it to the bedroom?” Dorothy called over.
“You like watching and you know it!” Fuuma called back. “Monou Fuuma, eighteen, fabulous, fantastic, and fantasmagoric.”
Kanoe raised an eyebrow at him. “My name’s Kanoe. My age is some number that I don’t know. But I’ve aged well.”
“Kanoe, what’ll you do for an adjective?” Fuuma drawled. “Slut doesn’t start with K. Kinky, though . . .”
She glared at him. “Conniving.”
“That starts with C,” Fuuma protested.
She looked at him. “So?”
“Oh.”
“Yatouji Satsuki, sixteen, sociopathic.”
Everyone blinked at her.
“At least I admit it.”
“Muraki Kazutaka, murderous and marvelous.”
“Yeah, right,” Fuuma spoke up. “How old are you?”
Muraki gave him a cool glance. “Old enough.”
“Ew,” Fuuma stated delicately.
“Dorothy Catalonia, fifteen, devastating.”
“I used that already!” Dilandau protested.
Dorothy just smiled. “It fits me better.”
“Colonel Une, nineteen, unstoppable.”
“You’re nineteen?” Fuuma stared at her. “You’re only a year older than I am! That’s so wrong in so many ways!”
“And I’m already in control of the largest military force in the known universe,” Une replied with a smile.
Fuuma blinked. “You have to hook me up.”
“We’ll talk later.”
“Treize Khushrenada, twenty-four, terrifying.”
“It’s just the eyebrows,” Seishirou told him.
Treize glared.
“Olba Frost, organized.”
“Shagia Frost, strategic.”
“They’re boring,” Fuuma muttered to Seishirou. “Can’t wait ‘til we get to sleep through their class.”
“Gendo Ikari, godlike.”
Brad yanked Farfie back into his seat.
“Nakago, twenty-five, nihilistic.”
“Soi, eighteen, splendid.” She batted her eyelashes at Nakago. He ignored her.
“Tomo, twenty-one, talented.” He batted his eyelashes at Nakago, who ignored him.
“Seguchi Touma, I know I look fifteen but I’m not, tyrannical.” He delivered this statement with a sunny smile. Everyone fought the urge to inch backwards.
“Aizawa Taki, sixteen, terrified,” Taki squeaked, giving in to the urge.
“Knives, one hundred and thirty or thereabouts, nasty.”
No one dared tell him that Knives started with a K.
“Legato Bluesummers, older than I look, loyal.”
“Huh?” Wolfwood looked around. “Oh, right. Nicholas D. Wolfwood, I’ve lost track but I guess I’m in my late twenties somewhere, wonderful.”
They all blinked at each other.
“Excellent,” the old lady said. “Your first class meets in a half an hour.”
~~~~
“Welcome to General Evil 101.” Gendo Ikari steepled his hands in front of his face and peered at the group through them, leading several of the class to shudder and several others to wonder if he could actually see them, or was in fact studying the pattern of his gloves. “Here you will learn the general ways in which you can be evil.”
“Like we don’t know already,” Fuuma muttered to Schuldig.
Schuldig, seeing Ikari’s glance dart their way and not wanting to get in trouble (at least, not in the first three minutes of class, particularly his class), chose to answer mentally. Oh, he’s even creepier than the rest of us. Except maybe Muraki.
Fuuma responded to this unsurprised voice in his head by nearly falling out of his chair. Everyone glanced his way. He bestowed a charming smile on all of them. “I’m all right. Thank you for your concern.”
Ikari cleared his throat. “The most popular methods of being evil are trying to conquer the world or trying to destroy it.” He cast a significant glance around the room, as if to be sure that he was commanding their attention. “Destroying the world is, in my opinion, a pointless waste of time.”
“Works for me,” Fuuma protested.
Ikari glared at him. Fuuma smirked right back.
“Can I see a show of hands?” Ikari asked. “How many people in here lead groups to some purpose?”
Brad, Treize, Nakago, Shagia Frost and Knives all raised their hands. Fuuma and Kanoe also did, and then glared at each other. “I’m in charge, bitch,” Fuuma snapped. Kanoe put her hand down.
“Out of you six, who’s trying to take over the world?” Ikari continued.
Brad, Treize, and Nakago raised their hands.
“Then presumably you other three are trying to destroy it?”
“I’m trying to destroy humanity,” Knives said. “That’s different. Spiders and butterflies, you know.”
“Right . . .” Fuuma gave him a funny look. “I’m with him. Well, except about the butterflies.”
“So only the Frost brother are trying to actually blow up the earth,” Ikari mused. “That’s a better ratio than usual.” He cleared his throat.
“What are you trying to do?” Seishirou asked, not bothering to raise his hand.
“World domination and recreation,” Ikari said. “A very tricky task that I don’t recommend any of you try.”
There was some coughing and some nervous shuffling.
“Since there are so many of you here, we’re going to divide into groups of five -- alphabetically,” he added sharply, seeing Fuuma edge towards Seishirou. “To discuss your future plans.”
“Dandy,” Fuuma muttered.
“Does Tree-san count?” Seishirou asked Ikari.
“No, the Tree doesn’t count,” Ikari said irritably.
It took some organizing, but the class eventually managed to form the five groups. Ikari glanced over at the first group. Both Dilandau and Farfaleo. Now why did that seem like a bad idea? Well, hopefully Brad and Folken would be able to keep them curbed. As for Dorothy . . . well, at least she would give the group a sense of humor.
“I have no plans,” she said breezily. “I work for Treize. Of course, someday I’d like to have my own Gundam so I could rampage and cause wars everywhere, but I’m only fifteen so that can wait. Oh, and at some point I’d really like to kill Relena Peacecraft.”
“Having a nemesis is good,” Ikari encouraged.
“She’s not my nemesis,” Dorothy told him. “She’s just really annoying.”
“I have a nemesis,” Farfaleo said quietly, with a look that made the others shiver, except for Brad, who was impervious. “God is my nemesis.”
Ikari raised an eyebrow. “You might want to choose something more manageable.” Then he looked questioningly at Brad, as Farfarello’s superior.
Brad shrugged. “He kills when I tell him to kill. Other than that, we let it go. We only brought him because we didn’t feel the house would stand if we left him at home.”
You using the royal ‘we’, Crawford? Schuldig asked, having overheard this. Because I don’t recall having any part in the decision making process.
Of course it’s the royal we, Brad replied, not disturbed in the slightest. “As for our group’s plans, we’re going for the classic domination of mankind, hopefully managed sometime in this decade.”
“How are you going to accomplish that?” Dorothy asked skeptically.
“Our current plan is to kidnap an ageless girl to sacrifice to a demon who will give us immortality,” Brad answered coolly. “That ought to work nicely, though I foresee some snags.”
Farfie looked disappointed that hurting God was not involved in this plan, but he subsided, apparently planning on waiting until the Computers class to take this issue up again.
“And you?” Ikari asked, looking at Dilandau.
Dilandau brightened. “I burn things!” He glared at them. “You’ll all burn . . .”
“Do you have a nemesis?” Ikari asked.
Folken rolled his eyes, foreseeing a tirade.
“Yes,” Dilandau answered, and began rubbing at a scar on his face. “Van Fanel.”
Folken grabbed his wrist. “Stop picking at that. And stop trying to kill my brother.” He looked at Ikari. “My plan is . . . you know what, I don’t have a plan. I’m only a general and coming here got me away from that marshmallow headed emporer who keeps jabbering about apples and destiny.”
“Oh,” Ikari said, and decided to move on to the second group.
Fuuma looked extremely nervous. He had gotten out a butterfly knife and was displaying it quite prominently, as if daring a) Kanoe to try to sleep with him, b) Muraki to try to sleep with him, c) Legato or Knives to move. For someone with phenomenal cosmic power, Ikari thought he seemed very insecure.
“So what are your plans?” he asked them.
Knives smiled, looking a bit fanatical. “We’re going to destroy humanity so my kind can have the run of the planet and end our slavery to those pathetic little worms.”
Ikari began to understand why Fuuma seemed nervous.
“I’m with him,” Legato said.
Fuuma blinked. “That’s it? That’s all you’ve got to say, you’re with him?”
“And I want to make people kill Vash,” Legato continued.
“You can’t kill my brother,” Knives said irritably. Ikari wondered how the hell many people in here were trying to kill their boss’ brother. “You can only pretend, so he’ll see that humanity is awful.”
Legato blinked. “I see, master.”
Fuuma shuddered. “Yeah, well, I’m trying to destroy humanity, but it’s not my fault. It’s destiny. Not really my cup of tea.”
Kanoe nodded. “I’m with him.”
Fuuma flopped over.
“I don’t have a plan yet,” Muraki said. “But I’m sure I’ll come up with something.”
“You just want to be evil?” Ikari asked skeptically.
“I’ve got the look down pat,” Muraki said, sounding confident.
Ikari had to admit that he had a point. He moved on to the next group. It didn’t look promising. Nagi and Satsuki were sitting as far away from the rest of the group as was possible, chattering on about computers. Schuldig was leaning back in his chair and looking bored, while Nakago and Olba debated the relative merits of destroying or conquering the world. Well, at least someone had been paying attention.
“What’s your plan?” he asked Nakago.
“I’m going to take over my country and the one next door by having some whiny brat summon a god for me,” Nakago said.
Ikari considered this. “Good plan,” he finally said. He glanced at Olba.
He shrugged. “Niisan does all the planning.”
“Right,” Ikari said, and looking at the others.
Nagi blinked at him. “Crawford does all the planning.”
Satsuki blinked, too. “/Kamui/ does all the planning.”
Schuldig smirked. “I’m good where I am.”
Ikari gave up. The next group promised to be interesting. Soi and Tomo were both staring dreamily at Nakago. There was enough rivalry and sexual tension there to fill a room. The one late arrival, Aizawa Taki, was looking vaguely bewildered. Shagia and Seishirou had gotten into a fairly pleasant conversation about methods of assassination and prices demanded for services delivered.
He decided to get the most pathetic out of the way first. “What’s your plan?” he asked Taki.
“Uhh . . . to get rid of Shindou Shuichi,” he said uncertainly.
“How?”
“I’m not sure,” he admitted.
“Do some thinking,” Ikari ordered, and looked at Tomo and Soi.
“We’re going to help Nakago-sama take over the world,” Soi said earnestly. “And then he’s going to marry me.”
Tomo shot her a look filled with distaste and muttered something that sounded like ‘in your dreams.’
Ikari cleared his throat and moved on hurriedly. “Seishirou? Your plan?”
“Technically, I’m supposed to help Fuuma destroy humanity,” Seishirou said. “It’s a fate thing. I’m here to figure out how to have the most fun along the way.”
Ikari frowned. In general, he disapproved of fun. “Shagia?”
“We’re going to blow up the earth.” He smiled. “With a big gun. From space.”
“Good luck with that,” Ikari said, and moved on to the last group. Une was clinging to Treize and trying not to fawn. She had put on her glasses. Ikari wondered if that had any significance. Wolfwood was smoking a cigarette and doodling in his notebook. Touma, looking impeccably gay as always, sat with his hands folded and a little smile on his face.
“How are you four doing?” Ikari said, and frowned. He could have sworn there were twenty-five people . . . a quick scan of the room revealed only twenty-four. He thought for a minute that he had miscounted, until he decided he must have counted Seishirou’s Tree the first time, but it had chosen to stay with Seishirou rather than join a group. He figured it was all for the best. “What’s your plan, Khu -- Ksh -- ”
“Treize,” he corrected. “It’s easier. I’m going to use politics to take over the world. And several other worlds as well. Colonies and all. I’ve already gotten off to a good headstart. At twenty-four, I’m already the head of OZ.”
“I don’t know what that is, but it sounds good.” Ikari looked at Une. “Let me guess. You’re with him?”
“His military strategist.”
“Ah. Wolfwood?”
“Huh?” Wolfwood blinked up. “Oh, yeah. Uhm . . . I think I’m supposed to be making friends with the enemy so I can turn on him, but it doesn’t really enthrall me, so I may just be a gunman somewhere. I’m thinking about joining the priesthood. Is that okay?”
“Sure,” Ikari said agreeably. “Priests are really evil. Seguchi-san?”
Touma smiled. “Multi-national corporation. With enough money, I can do anything.”
Ikari frowned at him. “Weren’t you in love with someone? That’s a bad trait.”
“Ah, yes, but I’m willing to act ruthlessly on his behalf,” Touma said. “Besides, you didn’t say anything to Tomo or Soi or Une.”
“I didn’t feel like getting my eyes scratched out,” Ikari remarked dryly. He walked back up to the head of the class. “Is everyone done discussing their plans?” Everyone nodded, or looked disinterested. “All right, then we’re done for the morning. I’ll see you back here at two.”
~~~~