Chapter Four
For a few seconds, Irishido was too shocked to react. Then he put both hands on Seishirou’s chest and pushed him away, hard. “Let’s make a few things clear,” he snapped. “To begin with, no matter who I’m possessed by, I’m still myself. And I don’t like men, and even if I did, I don’t like you.”
Seishirou laughed, and he did not move to step away. “I never said you did,” he replied, still uncomfortably close to Irishido. “But I figured in case Subaru-kun is paying attention, I may as well give him a little of what he wants.”
“What he wants is you dead,” Irishido snarled.
Seishirou stepped away at this, and gave Irishido a cool, calculating glance. “Is that what you really think?”
Irishido was forced to admit, at least to himself, that it wasn’t. Subaru thought he wanted Seishirou dead, wanted him to suffer. But Irishido was close enough to him now to question this. What Subaru really wanted was for Seishirou to fall in love with him. It couldn’t take back what he had done -- but it would help.
“Yes,” he said aloud. “I do believe that’s what he really wants.”
“Interesting,” Seishirou said softly, and one hand caressed the side of Irishido’s face. “You’re a much better liar than Subaru-kun. He couldn’t lie to save his life.” He chuckled, amused at his own phrase. “I suppose I should say he couldn’t tell what was a lie to save his life, instead.”
“You think this is funny?” Irishido snapped, then realized that asking was pointless. Of course Seishirou thought it was funny. From the very beginning of all of this, Seishirou had found the Sumeragis incredibly amusing. That was the whole problem. “Scratch that, stupid question. Get the hell away from me.”
Seishirou didn’t look like he was going to be moving any time in the near future. “Why should I? You came here willingly, knowing what I am . . . not a very wise move on your part, ‘Shido-kun. What was that you said about being better prepared because you know what I am?”
“You won’t kill me,” Irishido said bitterly. “That would end the game too quickly.”
Seishirou smirked. “You’re catching on. I’ll admit that I have no plans to kill you any time in the near future . . . but that doesn’t mean there aren’t other things we can do.” He leaned forward as he spoke, his lips only inches from Irishido’s.
Irishido pushed him away, sharply. “Get yourself a hooker and leave me alone. I came here to ask you something. You’ve given your answer, so I’m done here.”
“If only it were that easy,” Seishirou said.
Irishido had to admit that he had a point. The Sakurazukamori did, in fact, still have him pinned to the wall. Leaving was not going to be easy unless he chose to back off, and it didn’t look like he’d be doing that any time soon.
//I can help you . . .// Subaru’s voice sounded eagerly in the back of his mind. Waiting for his chance to speak to Seishirou personally.
//No.//
//Let me in.//
//NO!//
Irishido was distracted from his inner battle as Seishirou kissed him again. His head throbbed, and he fell forward, into Seishirou’s arms.
Seishirou was surprised, to say the least, but had no particular problem with this. He was more surprised a few seconds later when Irishido began to kiss back. Though he supposed he should stop thinking of him as Irishido at moments like that.
They pulled away a breathless moment later. “Welcome back, Subaru-kun,” Seishirou said, smirking.
“So you think I don’t really want you dead?” Subaru asked softly.
“I don’t know,” Seishirou said. “Do you?”
“You’ll have to wait and see,” Subaru said.
Seishirou laughed and pulled him into another kiss. He was thoroughly enjoying this. He thought it might be because he had been deprived of any amusement whatsoever in the past years. Then again, Subaru turned out to be an excellent kisser, though Seishirou suspected he was drawing on his cousin’s experiences as a reference.
After a few more kisses, Seishirou pulled away. “Sorry, love,” he said, putting just enough emphasis on the second word for the sarcasm to come through, “I’m not an exhibitionist.”
“Exhibi -- ” Subaru blushed deeply. “For one thing, you’re assuming I want to do anything besides kissing, and secondly, I don’t think my cousin is a voyeur.”
“But he’d watch,” Seishirou said dispassionately. “He would wait for your moment of distraction to snatch control back. You know he would. You’ll never be in complete control until he lets you be. That,” he punctuated this with a brief kiss, “is why you’re no threat to me.”
Subaru snarled wordlessly at him, knowing that Seishirou was right. “Irishido would let me kill you.”
“True,” Seishirou said, “but I don’t think that’s what you have planned for me, Subaru-kun. Death . . . no. After five years of hatred? It’s too empty, too quick. I suspect you have something much larger in the works, but you can’t do it until your cousin gives in, or you manage to shove him out completely. Or else you would have done it already.”
“You would know all about quick, empty death,” Subaru hissed. “I can’t believe I ever let you manipulate me like that!”
Seishirou chuckled again. “Why, Subaru-kun . . . you use the past tense. How cute.”
Subaru’s eyes narrowed. “Never again, Seishirou-sa . . . Seishirou. I will never let you manipulate me again. I know what you are.”
“True,” Seishirou said, and kissed him again. “But you don’t know who I am . . . and that’s where the real danger lies, Subaru-kun.”
Subaru glared at him for a long minute, then shivered slightly. A look of distraction and confusion crossed his face.
“’Shido-kun fighting back, then?” Seishirou assumed, and watched the inner struggle with interest. After a few more seconds of glaring, Subaru’s knees gave and he crumpled to the floor.
~~~~
Irishido opened his eyes slowly, and was faced with a dark room. He didn’t know exactly where he was, but given the last memory he had, he was fairly sure that he didn’t like it. He was lying in bed with covers drawn up to his chin.
“I see you’re awake,” Seishirou’s voice said.
Irishido sat bolt upright. The room was so dark that he hadn’t noticed Seishirou sitting in the reclining chair next to the bed. The thought of Seishirou sitting there in the dark, watching him sleep, was incredibly creepy. He fought to push back a shiver. “How long have I been unconscious?” he asked abruptly.
“Nearly six hours,” Seishirou said. “Would you like some tea?”
“No, thank you,” Irishido said, then forced himself to ask, “But I would like to know what happened. And could you turn on a lamp?”
Seishirou laughed slightly, then reached over and turned on the bedside lamp. He was much less creepy when he wasn’t just a silhouette, and Irishido let out a slight sigh of relief. “Out of curiosity, when your cousin takes over your body, are you aware of what’s happening?”
“Until he manages to shove me out completely,” Irishido said bitterly, “yes.”
“Then you already know what happened,” Seishirou said with a shrug. “When you attempted to get control back, you collapsed. I brought you in here and you’ve been asleep ever since. End of story.”
Irishido closed his eyes, mentally searching for his cousin, but got no reply. Subaru had gone to wherever it was that he went when he didn’t feel like dealing with the real world. “Damn selfish bastard,” he muttered.
“Me, or Subaru-kun?” Seishirou asked, amused.
“Yes,” Irishido said, glaring at him. He pushed the covers back and swung his legs over the side of the bed, relieved to note that he was still fully dressed. “Have you been watching me sleep this whole time?”
“Not the whole time,” Seishirou replied.
“Good.” It was bad enough that he’d been in there at all. Irishido sighed and stood up. The world wavered dizzily, and he determinedly ignored it. He wasn’t staying in this apartment a moment longer than necessary.
“I have a question for you, ‘Shido-kun,” Seishirou said.
Irishido turned to him. “You can always ask,” he said dryly, giving the impression that he wouldn’t answer if he didn’t feel it necessary.
“How did you know I lived here?”
Irishido smiled a little. “You said it yourself. You put marks on my mind. You can always find me. I just traced them back to the source.”
Seishirou sat up a little straighter. “That’s interesting.”
“How so?”
“Because it’s something that Subaru-kun never managed to do.”
“Yes, well,” Irishido said, sounding irritated, “you shielded your true self from him, so he couldn’t. You never shielded it from me. That’s most likely why. And in any case, what do you care? It’s not as if I could sneak in here at night and kill you. Now leave me alone.”
~~~~
Hokuto glomped onto Irishido as soon as he walked in the door. “I’m so glad you’re home,” she said, holding him so tightly that breathing was becoming a serious problem. “Do you know how worried I’ve been?!”
Irishido suddenly remembered that he had left hours before to go to his most dangerous enemy’s apartment. It was well nigh approaching three o’clock in the morning. “I think I can guess by the stranglehold you have on me,” he managed.
“Oops.” Hokuto let go and stood back, giving him the critical eye. “You were gone nearly seven hours,” she complained. “The only reason I wasn’t out there looking for you was because Kyou-chan came over and said that you’d be fine.” She made a little pouting face.
“Sorry,” Irishido said. “It took me a while.”
“No kidding,” Hokuto grumbled. She ushered Irishido into the kitchen with more force than was strictly necessary, sitting him down and getting him a mug of tea. “What happened?” she asked, steadfastly not looking at him.
“Nothing happened,” Irishido said bitterly. “Sakurazuka-san wouldn’t do it. And he seemed to get a real kick out of the fact that I didn’t like that he wouldn’t do it. Then Subaru started fighting for control of my body and I passed out. I woke up about a half an hour ago, and here I am.”
“Oh,” Hokuto said, not sure what else she could say in reply to that.
“Don’t sound so unhappy about it,” Irishido said dryly.
Hokuto put her hands on her hips and gave Irishido her best glare. “Don’t give me any of that crap, Irishido-chan. I’ve been worried to death about you for the past six hours, and if you don’t believe me you can wake Kyou-chan and ask him. If you want the truth, I think it would be good if Subaru was exorcised -- being held back isn’t good for him. But I didn’t seriously think Sei-ch -- ” She stopped herself abruptly and took a deep breath before continuing. “I didn’t think that Sakurazuka-san would agree.”
“Because he wants his precious Subaru-kun back,” Irishido said bitterly. “Just once, I’d like someone to look at me and see me instead of him.”
Hokuto sighed. “Irishido-chan -- ”
“Forget it,” he said abruptly, pushing back from the table. “I have work to do tomorrow. I’m going to bed.”
Hokuto sighed and let him go. She sincerely doubted that anything she said was going to help his disposition. After a few minutes, she let out another sigh. She put the mug of tea, which was untouched, next to the pot on the counter. Then she turned off the lights and headed to her own room.
Kakyou had arrived around midnight, to calm her by saying that Irishido wouldn’t come to any harm -- at least, not on this particular night. As usual, the yumemi’s words hadn’t been particularly reassuring. Around one o’clock, he had said he was tired and gone to sleep in Hokuto’s bed.
Hokuto changed into her pajamas in the dark and then crawled under the blankets next to him. He hummed contentedly and slid an arm around her waist. “Don’t worry,” he said sleepily. “Your brother is fine.”
“That’s not exactly what I’m worried about,” Hokuto said softly.
Kakyou cracked his eyes open. “Hm?”
“I don’t know what I’m worried about,” she said with a sigh. “It’s just this horrible mess. I can’t even imagine what Sei-chan is thinking. And poor Irishido-chan is going to be really hurt by this . . . I just know it.”
Kakyou smoothed her hair. “You worry too much,” he said.
“If you give me any of your crap about the future being set in stone, I’ll hit you,” she said, though there was a hint of humor in her voice. This was something they argued about frequently. Hokuto was definitely of the opinion that nothing was ever set in stone, particularly not something as fluid as the future.
“Well, worrying is pointless now,” Kakyou said, his voice maddeningly calm. “You can’t affect Subaru-san’s actions, or Sakurazuka-san’s, or Irishido-san’s. All you’ll be able to do is watch, no matter what happens, so why waste time worrying?”
“You’re not helping,” Hokuto said, through clenched teeth.
Kakyou sighed a little. “I’m sorry, Hokuto. I’m not very good at this, I’m afraid.”
“Don’t be silly,” she said, and kissed his forehead. “You weren’t made to be comforting. Now let’s get some sleep. If worrying won’t help, then losing sleep definitely won’t.”
~~~~
Somehow, though afterwards he was never sure how, Irishido made it through his next day of work. It was singularly strange; he could feel the added power he had from Subaru possessing him. It was like molten lava in his veins. The tasks which originally would have taken him hours to complete now came easily, within minutes.
“I’m sorry about yesterday,” Hokuto said as soon as he came home, shuffling with weariness. “Are you okay?”
“I’m the one who’s sorry,” Irishido said with a sigh, settling at the kitchen table. Hokuto immediately plunked a cup of tea down in front of him. “I know that you don’t just . . . see me as Subaru. You’re one of the only people on earth who doesn’t.”
Hokuto pulled out the chair across from him and sat down. “Irishido-chan, you’re different from Subaru in so many ways that I couldn’t even begin to count. You shouldn’t let people get you down like that.”
“If by ‘people’, you mean the entirety of the Sumeragi Clan, you should try ignoring them sometimes.” Irishido leaned back in his chair, staring up at the ceiling. “He’s part of me now, and his power . . . I can feel it. He was so much stronger than I could ever be. I got thrown into this position and I wasn’t ready for it, and I can’t do it. It’s too hard.”
“Yes, Subaru was more powerful than you,” Hokuto agreed. “We all knew that. But you’re powerful, too. And you have abilities that Subaru didn’t have.”
“Like what?” Irishido asked bitterly.
Hokuto gave a lopsided little smile. “You’re a much better judge of people.”
Irishido shrugged. “Sakurazuka-san is evil, yes, and I knew it when I met him. But he’s powerful, and he could have shielded that from me if he had wanted to. He just thought it would be more amusing this way. A continuation of the game.”
Hokuto couldn’t help but laugh. “Well, I sure hope you’re not judging humanity’s attitude towards you by Sei-chan, because I don’t think he’s really a model member.”
“You still care for him,” Irishido said, and there was sorrow in his eyes.
She shook her head. “I still care for Sakurazuka Seishirou, the kind and knowledgeable veterinarian that we knew. But he’s dead, at least to me. He never existed. And as for the Sakurazukamori . . . I have nothing but hatred and disdain for him.”
Irishido took a long drink of his tea and appeared to think about this for several minutes. “That’s what Subaru wants,” he finally said, softly. “To hate him. But he can’t. He’s all . . . twisted up inside. He’s trying to deny it, but he can’t. Not from me. I know him now, as well as he knows me. I’m worried that . . . even if somehow we make him go away, I’ll still be part of him. Or he’ll still be part of me.”
Hokuto frowned slightly. “Look . . . this weekend, I’ll go up to Kyoto and speak with Obaasama. Maybe she’ll have some ideas about what to do.”
Irishido nodded. “Are you going to make anything for dinner?”
“Yeah, I’ll get something together. It may be a little while.”
“Okay.” He drained the last of his tea and stood up. “I think I’ll nap while I wait.”
“You look tired,” she agreed.
He nodded again and wandered off towards his bedroom. Since he knew he wouldn’t be sleeping that long, he didn’t bother changing. He just kicked off his slippers and crawled underneath the blankets. He felt bone weary, and he doubted it was just because of all the work he had been doing.
It was only minutes before he fell asleep, but what followed could hardly be considered restful.
It was a wonderful dream at first, lying on his back in a huge field, a warm breeze caressing his face. The sky was an unbelievably clear blue, with only a few wisps of clouds to be seen.
“Beautiful day,” Subaru said, settling next to him.
Irishido groaned, closing his eyes. “Subaru, I’m tired. Please let me have a few hours of sleep without talking to you, all right?”
“Look, I’m sorry about the other day,” Subaru said. “I was trying to make it up to you.”
Irishido tilted his head to one side, giving him a searching look. Then he sighed. “You were letting me use your powers today. I thought that couldn’t really be normal.”
Subaru shrugged. “Peace offering.”
“Great,” Irishido said. “You steal my body so you can make out with your ex-boyfriend, so I wind up sleeping in his bed for five hours where he can watch me sleep which was so utterly CREEPY that I don’t even have a word for it, and you figure that by getting me through a day’s work without collapsing, you’ve made peace. That’s great, Subaru.”
“If you would just let me -- ”
Irishido stood up and walked away. Scowling, Subaru got to his feet and followed him.
“Leave me alone,” Irishido snapped.
Subaru grabbed him by the arm. “Look, we’re stuck with this whether you like it or not,” he said. “We might as well figure out the best way to go about it.”
“I’m stuck,” Irishido said. “You just moved in like a houseguest.”
“You summoned me!”
“Certainly not on purpose!” Irishido protested. “And I didn’t even particularly summon you, I just called out for help, and you grabbed hold of me and drained all my energy getting back on your own. God, couldn’t you just come back as a disembodied spirit? Why’d you have to possess me?!”
Subaru looked at him coolly. “You’re an onmyouji. You know as well as I do that possessing a form makes it easier.”
Irishido sighed. He felt a migraine coming on. “Subaru, I know that you were unhappy where you were. How could I not? Every time we fight, I feel what it was like for you. But we can send you on, the way it should have been done. You can have peace.”
“I don’t want peace,” Subaru snarled. “I want revenge. I want -- ”
“To be loved?” Irishido challenged.
“No!” Subaru yelled. “That’s not what I want from him!”
“Don’t give me that bullshit, I know you now,” Irishido retorted. “Maybe I even understand. I know what it is to love, Subaru, but the man you loved never existed. So maybe you should give it a rest.”
“Shut up!”
Irishido stopped, and looked at him. “No,” he said softly. “I hadn’t realized. You love both sides of him, light and dark.”
“I DO NOT LOVE HIM!”
“You knew all along,” Irishido said, staring at him. “Somewhere deep down. Didn’t you. You fascinated him because you were so pure . . . but the opposite was also true. He fascinated you, too. You couldn’t understand how such evil could exist, underneath such a beautiful face. You thought that you could turn him around. That you could win that bet.”
“It isn’t true!” Subaru yelled.
“Maybe it isn’t, consciously,” Irishido said, with a shrug. “But you can’t hide from me, Subaru.”
Subaru turned away.
“Fine,” Irishido said. “Don’t accept it. But I wouldn’t mind, you know. I’d rather that than the belief that you’ve been deluding yourself by thinking he was human all this time. Go ahead, believe you can save him. There are worse things to believe. But not on my time, Subaru. This is my life, and I won’t let you control it.”
“You keep saying that,” Subaru snapped. “But you can’t push me out.”
“No, I can’t,” Irishido replied. “But I can fight enough to prevent you from ever having full control.”
They glared at each other for a long minute.
“A peace offering,” Irishido said. “Tell me your plan. For God’s sake, let me help. Don’t expect me to let you have control when I don’t even know what you’re going to do.”
Subaru gave him a long, suspicious look.
“You do have a plan, right?” Irishido asked dryly.
“I was a bit preoccupied,” Subaru snapped. “It didn’t seem worth it to have a plan when I didn’t even have a body to work with.”
Irishido practically screamed in frustration. All thoughts of giving in and letting Subaru have his way were quickly vanishing. “Then what were you planning to do? Just take over my body so you could fuck him and figured that would be a quick fix?”
“Shut up! What would you know about it anyway?”
Irishido laughed, and even to him, it sounded mocking and derisive. “I think I know a lot more about sex than you, Subaru. Given that you died a virgin.”
He was expecting Subaru to be angry at that comment, but wasn’t quite expecting the kick that Subaru aimed at his head. He had more martial arts training than Subaru, however, and it took him only moments to grab him by the ankle and knock him to the ground.
“When you know what the hell you’re doing,” he said softly, “then ask me again if you can use my body for it. Until then, leave me alone.”
He turned and walked away.
~~~~
“Irishido-chan?” Hokuto shook Irishido gently. He was sound asleep with one arm flung over his eyes. “Come on, wake up. You need to eat something.”
Irishido’s eyes opened slowly and his arm moved so it was above his head. “Hokuto?” he asked wearily.
“Yeah. It’s time for dinner. You awake?”
“I am.” Irishido sat up and looked around, then nodded slightly.
“You okay?” Hokuto asked.
Irishido nodded. “Yeah. I feel much better.”
~~~~
Chapter Five
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