Warnings: I would just like to announce, for the record, that out of all the chapters in this entire fic -- at least all the ones I have planned -- I find this one the most twisted and disturbing. I’m not quite sure why, or whether or not anyone else will find it as disturbing as I do, but, well, it is.
Doesn’t that make you all feel better.
Chapter Eight: Hush
Seishirou woke up the next morning with a pounding headache. Somehow, at some point, he had made it back to Fuuma’s bed, but it was now empty except for him. He groaned, holding one hand to his temple.
“What the hell did you do last night?” Fuuma asked from the doorway, sounding rather amused.
Seishirou cleared his throat. The inside of his mouth felt like week-old cotton. That had been soaked in whiskey. “I got hammered,” he said.
“Yeah, I noticed that,” Fuuma said. “What the hell for?”
“Seemed like a good idea at the time,” Seishirou said. He levered himself upwards and got to his feet, but his legs promptly gave way underneath him and he fell back onto the bed.
Fuuma, who was dressed in his traditional morning clothes -- jeans and nothing else -- gave him a look. “Aren’t you supposed to take it easy for a few days?” he asked, sounding innocent.
Seishirou gave him a dirty look, but he had to admit that he’d worn himself out so thoroughly -- and the massive hangover really couldn’t help -- that he’d have to resign himself to staying in bed. Most likely all day.
“I’ll get you a glass of water,” Fuuma said, and left the room, dodging the pillow that Seishirou threw at him. Seishirou had the distinct impression that Fuuma was inwardly laughing his ass off. He flopped backwards with a moan, unable to deny that he felt like total shit. And not only that, but he had acted like a total idiot. He knew sex with Fuuma would be exhausting, yet he’d indulged in it anyway, just to erase the image of Kamui and Subaru behind his eyes. He also knew that getting drunk was a stupid idea, and he’d indulged in that too. On the whole, he was feeling stupid and sick and wanted the entire world to leave him alone.
No such luck. Fuuma came in with a glass of water and some rice. “I know you don’t want it, but you should eat something.”
Seishirou looked at the food. “Yergh.”
“Come on, you big baby.” Fuuma handed him a pair of chopsticks.
“Double yergh,” Seishirou said, but began to force the food down.
“Ne, Seishirou,” Fuuma said, sitting on the edge of the bed, “what were you planning on doing when you went to your apartment last night?”
Seishirou blinked. “I don’t know. Living there, I suppose.”
“But if you gave this guy your key, didn’t you realize he would be there?”
Seishirou sighed, frustrated. “Look, I really wasn’t thinking about it, all right?” His desire to shove Fuuma out the door grew stronger. “I sent him the key because I was expecting to die; I didn’t really ponder the consequences of this and I never expected he would move in with some bratty little floozy!”
“Seishirou,” Fuuma observed calmly, “you’re yelling.”
Seishirou groaned. “My head is killing me.”
Fuuma paused thoughtfully, drinking orange juice straight from the bottle. “Why were you in that coma, anyway? You expected to die . . .” He frowned suddenly. “Did you try to kill yourself?”
“Not exactly,” Seishirou said, which was true. He followed it up with a lie. “It was a job that I was going on that was extremely dangerous. I knew there was a strong possibility I would die, so I gave Subaru-kun the key to my apartment.”
“And you didn’t think he would move in?”
“Well, it’s not like he was homeless,” Seishirou snapped. “He had a perfectly good apartment of his own. I thought he might take some of my things, maybe save my plants from certain death. I never thought he would move in. Why the hell would he?”
“Okay, okay, sheesh,” Fuuma said. “But why didn’t you leave once you realized that he had?”
Seishirou paused, thinking as much as his aching head would allow. He didn’t quite know why he had gone into the bedroom. Maybe just to see Subaru. Maybe, if Subaru hadn’t been so damned otherwise occupied, to do other things, too. Just the thought of it . . .
He shook himself. He couldn’t have Subaru, damn it, and it was best to stop thinking about things like that. He shoveled more rice down his throat, trying to block the images out of his head. “I don’t know,” he finally said. “I didn’t really have a plan. I’m supposed to be dead right now. I really didn’t think about the possibility I might live.” He glared a little at Fuuma. Technically, it was all his fault anyway.
He finished the rice and flopped backwards.
“Do you want to be dead?” Fuuma asked curiously.
“I want a cigarette,” Seishirou replied.
“The pack’s on the table,” Fuuma said. “And you didn’t answer my question.”
Seishirou shook out a cigarette and lit it, thinking as he blew smoke towards the ceiling. “I don’t know,” he finally said. “I really don’t.”
~~~~
Kamui was well aware that Subaru was pissed at him, and he didn’t really care. He was of the opinion that if he was going to get in trouble for giving Subaru a blowjob, Subaru was stupider than he’d thought. Of course, he knew in the back of his mind that Subaru was more annoyed that Kamui had tried to take charge than anything else, but he cared even less about that.
He had asked Subaru why he wasn’t allowed to touch him during sex, and the answer he’d gotten was somewhat less than satisfactory.
“I’m allowed to do whatever I want to you,” Subaru had answered sharply. “But you’re not allowed to do whatever you want to me. Until you get that into your head, you’re not allowed to do anything.”
Well, fine. Kamui was seething inwardly, and hiding it as best as he could. If Subaru just wanted him to lie there and moan, Subaru could get what he wanted, but he was getting the raw end of the deal and Kamui tried to content himself with that knowledge.
He was fairly sure that Seishirou had never treated Subaru like this.
Maybe Subaru would come to his senses if he refused to put out for a few days.
~~~~
Seishirou thought he was really doing rather well. Of course he’d had to spend an entire day lying in Fuuma’s bed regaining his strength, and hadn’t had anything to do that entire day but think about Subaru, but given those two factors, he thought he was only mildly obsessed. This was to say that he was only thinking about Subaru seventy-five percent of the time. And half of that was without homicidal urges.
This, he decided, was pathetic.
Fuuma was good and didn’t try to convince poor, exhausted Seishirou to have sex with him the next night, so Seishirou woke up feeling rather well-rested. Fuuma was lounging in front of the television when Seishirou emerged from the bedroom, fully dressed. “Hey,” he said.
“Morning,” Seishirou replied, getting himself some tea.
“You feeling any better?” Fuuma asked with a wicked grin.
Seishirou gave him a tired look. “Yes, but not that much better. Besides, I have work to do.”
Fuuma shrugged. “All right. When will you be back?”
“I don’t know. Later tonight, at some point.”
“’Kay,” Fuuma said, not redirecting his gaze from the screen.
Seishirou rolled his eyes and left the house. There were affairs he needed to get in order. There were things he needed, that he now couldn’t have since Subaru had taken the apartment and everything in it. He needed to do a more thorough check of the house and have it cleaned; as generous as Fuuma was in offering him a place to stay, he wanted a clean house to live in if it fell through. That involved calling a cleaning service. Seishirou was beginning to feel like his head was spinning.
At least, he reflected, he didn’t have to worry about money. The Sakurazuka Clan had stockpiled quite a fortune over the years, and as the last surviving member, it was all his. It wasn’t so much that Seishirou had an extravagant lifestyle; he didn’t need many things. But the things he wanted always had to be the best that money could buy.
For a while he had entertained himself by buying things. The expensive car, the expensive stereo and entertainment system, all of those things had been bought during an impulsive buying spree just before he’d turned thirty. Subaru had been in Kyoto for a year for reasons that Seishirou was unsure of; something to do with the training of his successor. He didn’t particularly care why Subaru had been gone, but he had been bored out of his mind for the duration. At least, he reflected, when Subaru came back, they were able to pick up where they’d left off.
At least Subaru hadn’t gone off and found himself some spoiled little skank to --
Seishirou cut off that line of thought abruptly. He was only making himself more depressed and he knew it, but he couldn’t help it. No matter how much he tried to stop thinking about it, he couldn’t.
Maybe . . . if he just saw Subaru one last time . . .
He shook his head impatiently. For one thing, Subaru thought he was dead, and he really didn’t feel like dealing with having to explain why he wasn’t. Or, for that matter, why he’d tried to get himself killed in the first place. Or any of the other numerous questions that Subaru would be sure to have.
Secondly, this didn’t fit in at all with his ‘let Subaru be happy without him’ policy. Subaru would never just let him walk off if he knew that Seishirou was alive. And Seishirou knew that one of the worst things someone addicted could do would be to get a last fix. It only made giving up their drug of choice worse in the end.
Right, and that was why he was walking towards Ueno Park.
He shook himself angrily and changed direction. He had things to do.
Over the course of the day, examining bank accounts and cleaning services and running errands, he smoked cigarette after cigarette, getting more and more frustrated. It was annoying, because he knew the frustration wouldn’t end if he went back to Fuuma’s and just had sex with him. He wasn’t frustrated because of a lack of sex. He was frustrated from a lack of Subaru.
Well . . . one last fix couldn’t hurt, could it?
By the time he finished all his errands, it was dark. He gave up all pretenses that he wasn’t going to see Subaru and settled under the Sakura to wait.
He didn’t have to wait long.
He melted back into the shadows as he heard footsteps approaching, and watched silently as Subaru walked up to the Tree. Subaru didn’t look very good; there were dark circles under his eyes and his face seemed thinner than it had the other night. He leaned against the Tree and sighed, lighting up a cigarette with bloody hands and breathing in the smoke.
Seishirou thought he was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.
After a while, it appeared that Subaru was actually starting to fall asleep, and Seishirou saw his chance. He stepped forward. “Konban wa, Subaru-kun.”
Subaru’s whole body jerked. The cigarette fell from his limp fingers and he twisted around. “S . . . Sei . . .”
Seishirou caught the cigarette as it fell and handed it back to the Sumeragi. “It’s good to see you again,” he said pleasantly.
Subaru shook his head violently. “No. No, I’m dreaming, this isn’t real, you’re dead, this isn’t real, this isn’t real . . .”
“Hush,” Seishirou said, reaching out to touch Subaru’s cheek. “You’re right. It’s only a dream. You fell asleep.”
“I’ve been so tired lately . . .” Subaru murmured.
“It’s all right,” Seishirou told him. “You’ve been having a hard time. There’s nothing wrong with having a dream, is there?”
“Is it really a dream?” Subaru’s eyes were wide and somewhat vague. “Or am I hallucinating?”
“Does it matter?” Seishirou countered. “For now, I’m here, and I won’t be when you wake up. You may as well make use of the time.”
Subaru dropped the cigarette that Seishirou had just handed him; his arms slowly came up to rest around the older man. After a tentative second to adjust, as if he was unsure whether not Seishirou was really there, his grip tightened and he clung to Seishirou with a sob.
Seishirou slowly sank to sit underneath the Tree, holding Subaru protectively in his arms. Subaru hid his face in Seishirou’s shoulder, gasping for breath between sobs. “Shhh, it’s all right,” Seishirou murmured. “It’s all right.”
“How can it be all right?” Subaru choked out. “You’re dead! I killed you!”
“It’s all right,” Seishirou repeated. “I wanted to die. You wanted to kill me. It works out nicely.”
“I never wanted to kill you!” Subaru cried out. “I never wanted that! I . . . I wanted . . . to save you . . .”
Seishirou frowned. “What?”
“I did, I wanted to save you,” Subaru blurted out. “I felt so sorry for you, because I loved you but you never understood, you never understood anything . . . I wanted to make you understand . . . I wanted to make you human, someone worthy of the love I felt for you . . .”
“Don’t worry about it,” Seishirou said, smoothing his hair. “This is the last time we have together . . . do you want to waste it on regrets?”
Subaru shook his head, but he clung even tighter to Seishirou. “Please don’t leave me. Please, please don’t leave me again . . .”
“I’ll always be with you, Subaru-kun,” Seishirou said. “You’ll just never see me.”
“That’s not enough . . . please . . .”
“Shhhh.” Seishirou brushed his lips over Subaru’s. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore . . . I don’t want to talk anymore at all . . .”
Subaru melted into his arms, kissing back eagerly. Then he pulled away. “But . . . you’re not real . . .”
“So it doesn’t matter what we do.” Seishirou gently caressed the side of Subaru’s face. “You can’t be held responsible for what you dream, can you?”
He put his hand on the back of Subaru’s neck, pulling him in for another kiss.
“But you’ll leave again . . .” Subaru whispered. “And it’ll only hurt more when I wake up.”
Seishirou felt a bit of a pang at that, but if he truly wanted to leave Subaru alone forever, he needed one last time to help him through that. So he didn’t answer, merely kissing Subaru again.
Subaru had begun to cry. He pulled away again. “But -- ”
“Hush.” Seishirou pushed him gently back onto the ground. “Don’t say anything. Just enjoy this.”
Subaru obeyed, closing his eyes and turning his head to one side. His tears ran down his cheeks and sank into the ground. Seishirou gently brushed the tears away, leaning down to kiss the tear tracks on his cheeks, then moving in for a more serious kiss. The ground was too hard for this, really, but he didn’t want to take the time to talk the Sumeragi into going somewhere else. So he wove a mabaroshi around them so no one else would see or hear, his lips never leaving Subaru’s.
He finally came up for air a long second later, then kissed just under Subaru’s ear, a spot that had always been particularly sensitive.
“But Kamui and I -- ” Subaru began.
Seishirou stopped at that, pulling away a little. “Do you want to tell me something, Subaru-kun?”
“Kamui and I are . . .” Subaru trailed off. “We’re . . .” More tears ran down his cheeks. He finally managed to say it, in a voice no louder than a whisper. “We’re sleeping together.”
Seishirou leaned down and kissed Subaru’s tears away. “That’s all right,” he said. “I’m dead, remember? I’m glad you’ve found someone else to be happy with.” That was a blatant lie, of course, but it would make Subaru feel better, and that was all that was important.
“R-Really?” Subaru asked, his voice faltering.
“Really,” Seishirou confirmed. He kissed Subaru again, glad that they’d gotten that out of the way in a relatively painless manner. Subaru twined his arms around Seishirou’s neck, apparently having given up on any of his former reservations. Seishirou’s fingers traced over his face, memorizing every inch of his skin. If this was his last time with the Sumeragi, he was damn well going to make it count.
He pulled Subaru so he was sitting up and helped him out of his coat, leaving it underneath him so he wasn’t lying directly on the ground. Then he let Subaru lie down again, tracing his fingers lightly over the Sumeragi’s chest, his touch just barely felt through the fabric of the shirt he was wearing. Subaru shivered.
“You’re too thin, Subaru-kun,” Seishirou said, leaning down to whisper the words into Subaru’s ear. “Don’t you eat anything?” He licked delicately at his earlobe.
“Not usually,” Subaru replied quietly. “Only enough to live.”
“You shouldn’t do that to yourself,” Seishirou said reprovingly.
Subaru closed his eyes, turning his head to one side. “I have nothing to live for,” he murmured. “I only live out of guilt.”
“That’s very silly of you, Subaru-kun.” Seishirou brushed his lips over the skin of Subaru’s neck. “There’s no reason to be guilty. I chose to die, remember?”
“Yes, but . . .” Subaru whimpered as Seishirou’s hands finally found their way underneath his shirt.
“But what?” Seishirou prompted, his hands tracing lazy patterns on Subaru’s stomach.
“But without that there’s nothing . . .”
“You have plenty of reasons to live,” Seishirou said. “You just haven’t found them yet.”
Subaru didn’t want to argue anymore, but it was plain that he didn’t agree. He let Seishirou pull his shirt off, and lay still as Seishirou caressed every inch of his chest and stomach with both his hands and lips.
Subaru loved to be touched.
Seishirou, for his part, had always started by undressing Subaru and saw no reason to deviate from this pattern. Once he had spent a considerably long time running his fingers over Subaru’s skin, trying to commit it all to memory, he reached down and unfastened Subaru’s pants. Subaru’s breathing sped up just a tiny bit in anticipation of what was coming.
Then Seishirou changed his mind.
“Subaru . . .” He leaned down and kissed Subaru gently, leaving off the -kun he was accustomed to. “Don’t just lie there . . . you can touch me as well . . . it’s all right.”
Subaru opened his eyes, looking terrified at this prospect. “But . . . I couldn’t . . .”
“Yes, you can. It’s all right.”
Subaru reached up hesitantly, taking the first of the buttons between his fingers and cringing, looking up at Seishirou as though he expected to be hit for being so forward. When nothing of the sort happened, he quickly undid the rest of the buttons and pushed the shirt back off Seishirou’s shoulders. The T-shirt he was wearing quickly followed this. Seishirou closed his eyes as Subaru ran his fingers down his chest, gaining a bit more confidence as he went.
Seishirou leaned down, locking his lips on Subaru’s again and pressing their bodies together. Subaru let out a tiny moan into Seishirou’s mouth. Seishirou reached down, lightly running his hand up Subaru’s thigh. Subaru’s fingers twined into his hair, then moved down to dig into Seishirou’s back.
Seishirou slid his fingers into the waistband of Subaru’s pants, then smoothly pushed them down. Subaru gasped softly as Seishirou’s hand wrapped around him, stroking him gently.
“Seishirou-san . . .” he moaned. “Please don’t leave me again . . . please stay with me . . .”
“Hush,” Seishirou whispered, pressing his lips against Subaru’s.
Subaru’s hands hesitantly reached for the button of Seishirou’s pants, then he caught Seishirou’s gaze and yanked his hands back as if stung. Seishirou gave him a reassuring smile. “It’s okay,” he whispered. Subaru blushed, but his hands continued what they’d been doing. Seishirou lifted himself off Subaru long enough for the younger man to push his pants down, then managed to get them the rest of the way off. He lowered himself back onto Subaru, causing him to gasp as they pressed together.
Seishirou reached for his jacket pocket and pulled out the tube of lubricant that he’d bought on the way to the park. He would have to be extremely careful not to hurt Subaru, or else he would realize that it hadn’t been a dream when he was sore the next day. Seishirou applied a liberal amount of the lube, pressing one finger into Subaru, who flinched, his hips rocking upwards. Seishirou moved slowly and carefully, making sure he had applied enough lube to keep Subaru from being sore in the morning. Even with it, he would have to move slowly.
Finally, Subaru had stopped flinching. Seishirou withdrew his fingers and kissed Subaru lightly. “Are you ready?” he whispered.
Subaru closed his eyes. “Please . . . I need you . . .”
“Shh, it’s okay.” Seishirou settled carefully, letting Subaru wrap his legs around his waist. Then he pushed into him carefully. Subaru let out a moaning cry, pulling on Seishirou’s hair. It took Subaru a long minute to adjust, but then he began to rock his hips against Seishirou.
And God, all Seishirou could think about was how right it felt, how good. It was nothing like being with Fuuma, though Fuuma was by far a more energetic partner. It wasn’t anything about what Subaru did, or anything like that.
It was just . . . that it was Subaru.
Somehow that made all the difference.
Because with Fuuma -- or with any of the other people he’d ever been with -- it was all about the physical, all about the sensations. With Subaru it was more than that. Even before his sudden epiphany and ‘death’, it had always been more than that.
And the rhythm got faster and built up and up and kept building, long past the point that Seishirou thought he could stand, but he held on, trying to make it last as long as possible because he knew it was their last time.
Finally neither of them could stand it anymore; Subaru let out a sharp cry as he let go and Seishirou was not far behind. They lay in silence for a long time as tears rolled steadily down Subaru’s cheeks. Seishirou knew he ought to go, but somehow couldn’t bring himself to leave.
“Why are you crying?” he asked quietly.
“Because now you’re going to leave again,” Subaru replied, his voice dull. “The way you always leave me.”
“I’m dead, remember?” Seishirou asked, softly brushing Subaru’s hair out of his face. “I want you to move on. To be happy without me.”
“I don’t know how to be happy without you,” Subaru replied.
Seishirou kissed the tears off his cheeks. “You’ll be just fine, Subaru-kun. I know you will.”
“I miss you,” Subaru whispered.
“I know.” Seishirou realized he had better leave soon. He managed to coax Subaru back into his clothes, which was quite a trick, as Subaru wanted to know why he had to be dressed since he was only dreaming. Seishirou reminded him that it could possibly be a hallucination, and Subaru got dressed.
“Please don’t leave.” Subaru clung to him.
“Shh.” Seishirou kissed Subaru’s forehead and cast some very gentle magic. “Sleep.”
Subaru sagged into his arms.
Seishirou laid him gently on the ground, curling him up so it would look like he had simply fallen asleep under the Tree. Then he rested his hand against the Sakura. “You will convince him it was just a dream, won’t you? And make sure he’s all right sleeping here?”
The Tree gave a grumbling assent. Seishirou got the impression that it was extremely annoyed with him, with good reason, he supposed.
“Thank you.” He patted its trunk fondly, and headed away to his own empty life.
~~~~
Subaru sat up dazedly, rubbing his forehead, unsure of where he was. It was still fairly dark, but he could see a glimmer on the horizon. He realized he had fallen asleep under the Sakura.
Seishirou-san . . .
Subaru closed his eyes. It couldn’t have been real. Seishirou was dead, after all. He leaned against the Tree, silently asking for confirmation of his theory.
The Tree sent back a gentle wave of reassurance.
Subaru sank to his knees, beginning to cry.
He did not move for a long time.
~~~~
Kamui was beginning to get vaguely worried. The fact that Subaru hadn’t come home for the night didn’t really bother him; he could have been working a late night job or something like that. But the fact that Kamui had now gotten home from school and Subaru was still nowhere to be seen had him somewhat concerned. He was doing his best to concentrate on the sociology makeup work he had yet to finish.
Still, as the minutes ticked by and Subaru still didn’t appear, he began to wonder what to do. He couldn’t exactly call anyone; Subaru had no friends and he somehow didn’t want to report this to the police. For one thing, he was still jail bait and he didn’t want to have to explain why he was living with Subaru in the first place.
He forced himself to eat dinner, ignoring the dull, panicked feeling in the pit of his stomach. Then he did more catch up schoolwork and went to bed.
He had no idea what time it was when the door opened and Subaru came in.
“Hey,” he said, sitting up. “Where’ve you been?”
Subaru didn’t answer. He pulled his shirt over his head and crawled onto the bed. Before Kamui had realized what was happening, he was pinned against the pillows with Subaru on top of him.
Subaru had taken Kamui’s ultimatum of no-sex-until-you-stop-being-an-asshole impassively, and said nothing about it. The first night it had been in effect had gone entirely without incident. Now, apparently, Subaru had changed his mind.
Kamui pushed him away. “Hey, you forget what I said?”
“Shut the hell up,” Subaru snarled, and kissed him again, more forcefully, running his hands up underneath Kamui’s T-shirt and yanking it off. Kamui let out a squeak of alarm and again tried to push Subaru away, sitting up.
“Don’t think you can just fucking -- ” he began, before Subaru slapped him hard across the face.
“I said to shut up and I meant it,” he said. He took hold of Kamui’s wrist and twisted it around behind his back, then pushed him down and pinned him with his arm beneath him. Kamui gave a startled cry of pain.
“Subaru, don’t,” Kamui said, trying to get free. Subaru backhanded him and he sank back against the pillows, involuntary tears stinging at his eyes. “Subaru, please -- ”
“Shut up shut up SHUT UP!” Subaru shook his head violently. “Just let me do this, stop making it so damned difficult! I NEED THIS!”
“Why?!” Kamui yelled, trying to sit up.
“I don’t have to explain myself!” Subaru shouted. He pushed Kamui back down, hard, and Kamui felt his wrist wrench out of place and cried out. Subaru took hold of his pajama pants and yanked them off. “You’re mine, you said you would be, I need to forget, I need to pretend it didn’t happen, just let me have that . . .”
Kamui lay still, not wanting to agitate Subaru any more than he already was. He didn’t know what had happened to upset Subaru this much, and he had the feeling that he was probably never going to find out. Subaru was going to have to get up at some point; he had yet to remove his own pants. Kamui could use that opportunity to get the hell away from him.
“You’re going to leave me,” Subaru said, starting to cry. “I know you’re going to leave me. Everyone always leaves me.”
Kamui stared at him.
“I won’t let you!” Subaru yelled. “I won’t let you leave me! Not the way that he left me!” He backhanded Kamui again, hard enough to make his head spin. He lay dazed, blinking, while Subaru got off the bed and quickly squirmed out of his pants. By the time his head had cleared, Subaru had him pinned again. Kamui was a little grateful that he’d managed to get his arm free, so the throbbing pain in his arm and shoulder was gone, though it had gone rather numb.
“Subaru, you don’t need to do this,” Kamui whispered, but he knew that Subaru wasn’t listening. So he tried to relax, tried to make it easier on himself, though in the end it didn’t really help.
When it was over, Subaru turned away and buried his face in the pillows.
“Subaru?” Kamui asked hesitantly. “What happened?”
“I had a dream,” Subaru answered, his voice vague. “I dreamed that Seishirou was with me again. That he forgave me for everything. That he loved me. But it can never happen.” He began to cry. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you, I just needed to make it all go away . . .”
“Shhh,” Kamui said, tears running down his own cheeks. “It’s okay. I won’t leave you.”
Subaru curled up against Kamui and eventually managed to stop crying and fall asleep. Kamui tried to join him, but his whole body ached and he couldn’t stop shivering. No matter how tired he was, he didn’t sleep that night.
~~~~
Chapter Nine
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