Chapter Twenty-Five: Aftermath
Seishirou came back to consciousness slowly. He didn’t know where he was, but he was aware that he hurt like a son of a bitch. His head was throbbing so badly that he thought his eyes might fall out the front of his face. It hurt to breathe; one of his legs was numb.
Very slowly, he opened his eyes. He glanced around and saw shattered glass. It only took him a second to realize why one of his legs was numb; the steering wheel was in his lap. He looked forward and blinked stupidly at the tree he had damn near wrapped his car around.
He began to put the pieces together. Something had happened to Subaru and he’d lost control of the spell, apparently worse than he ever had before. Seishirou had blacked out from the impact and lost control of the car.
All things considered, he was damn lucky to be alive at all.
People were starting to gather around. “Hey, mister, are you all right?” “Somebody call an ambulance!” “It’s going to be okay . . .”
Seishirou had worked through injury before. He shook himself, hard, and did a quick but thorough analysis. Cracked or broken ribs for sure; that was why it hurt to breathe. He lifted one hand to his head and felt gingerly at his head. It came away covered in blood. Concussion, a bad one; he must have cracked his head against the windshield. He picked the steering wheel up and moved it onto the passenger side seat. His leg didn’t seem damaged, other than the fact that the circulation had been cut off from it.
He opened the door and dragged himself out. The world faded in waves, and he could just barely hear the alarmed cries of the people outside. “You shouldn’t try to move,” someone protested, trying to get an arm around him for support.
Seishirou pushed them off. His ankle was throbbing now. He had a rather strong suspicion it might have broken in the accident. The pain was fairly minor in comparison to the pain in his head.
“Lie down and wait for the ambulance,” someone told him.
“Can’t.” Much to his surprise, his voice sounded totally calm and reasonable. Almost normal. “I have to get to Subaru-kun.”
He began to limp away. Something had gone terribly wrong, for Subaru to lose control with so much force. But the Sumeragi wasn’t dead yet. He would know if that were true. Everyone just stared after him, torn between shock and horror.
Seishirou turned quickly, to avoid the people watching him. He didn’t know why he was still sane, or why his memory was intact. He came to the conclusion that the Tree must have shielded him again.
Now that he was thinking about it, his memory was more than intact . . . it was back. The things that Subaru had taken had been returned. The spell hadn’t lashed out temporarily; it had been totally destroyed.
Seishirou frowned and tried to question the Tree on this matter, only to find that its attention was focused totally elsewhere. He sighed slightly and began to walk again. He would have all the answers (he hoped) if he could just make it to Subaru.
Ueno Park was still about a half mile away. It took Seishirou nearly half an hour to walk that far. He leaned against buildings to keep his balance, but was still forced to stop for a rest every five minutes.
Subaru was lying under the Tree. He was obviously alive, and still conscious, and talking to himself, gesticulating wildly with a knife that he was holding above his head. He didn’t look up as Seishirou approached.
“. . . but it really can’t be done,” Subaru was saying as Seishirou walked within hearing range. “I mean, sure, seppuku is all well and good when your hands aren’t shaking but what if I miss? I’d be bleeding all over the place, and I’d really prefer not to bleed to death. Quick and easy is the way for me.” Pause. “Oh, yeah, but that’s so boring . . . I already told Fuuma why I didn’t want to slit my wrists. Besides, that’s just bleeding to death all over again, from wounds in different places.” Pause. “Well, that’s all well and good for you. You’re already dead. But then again, you never really understood anything.”
“Subaru-kun?” Seishirou spoke up hesitantly, leaning on the Tree for support. “Who are you talking to?”
Subaru glanced over at him. “Ohayo, Seishirou-san,” he said cheerfully, ignoring the fact that it was anything but morning. “I was just deciding on my suicide method. Hokuto-chan is no help as usual. What do you think?”
“I think you can’t be talking to Hokuto-chan,” Seishirou said, feeling vaguely confused. “She’s already dead.”
“Oh, I know, but I can hear her anyway,” Subaru said matter-of-factly. “She says you’re a big meanie and I ought to kick you in the shins, but I suppose that would entail getting up, now wouldn’t it?” Pause. “She’s much nicer than Kamui, though. He thinks I ought to kick you in the balls.”
Seishirou felt his headache get worse as he tried to process this. “Subaru-kun . . .”
::Forget it.::
Seishirou’s head snapped up. The Tree spoke in words very rarely, and only when it was strictly necessary. “What do you mean, forget it?” he asked, figuring that he could talk to empty air if Subaru could.
::He won’t start making sense. His mind is gone.::
Seishirou blinked. “Gone . . . how?” he asked weakly.
::Gone. Shattered. Broken. He lost control of the memory spell and it backlashed onto him. It’s destroyed large parts of his memory, and he wasn’t exactly mentally stable before that. He’s gone.::
“But . . .” Seishirou’s voice trailed off. “It . . . it can be fixed, can’t it?”
::Perhaps. With time. But I wouldn’t hold out hope. He’s the only one who might be able to put himself back together, and look at him.::
“Why did it backlash onto him, instead of onto me?” Seishirou asked suspiciously.
::As you think. I protected you.::
“Why me? And not him? He’s your master now.”
::He was going to kill himself regardless, and if he didn’t, he was certainly insane by the time he got here. You seemed more worth saving.::
Seishirou felt distaste for that cold decision welling up in his throat, but he said nothing. “Subaru-kun,” he finally managed, “I’m going to take you home.”
“Is Hokuto-chan going to be there?” Subaru asked eagerly.
“No, Subaru-kun. She’s dead. Remember?”
Subaru laughed. “Don’t be silly, Seishirou-san. Hokuto-chan’s not dead. I think she just went down to the corner store for some things . . . is it almost dinner time?”
“It’s almost midnight.” Seishirou extended a hand to Subaru. “You’re going to have to walk, because I sure as hell can’t carry you right now.”
“All right.” Subaru got to his feet easily. “Seishirou-san, you have blood dripping in your eyes,” he informed the older man conversationally.
“Aa. I’m not surprised. Let’s go find a taxi.”
Subaru had to support Seishirou as the two of them left the park, then flag down a taxi. Seishirou was expecting to lose consciousness any second, and was clinging to it with sheer willpower alone. By the time they got back to the apartment, Subaru’s mood had changed. He had started to cry.
“What’s wrong?” Seishirou asked, holding the apartment complex door for him.
“’m all alone,” Subaru mumbled, wiping the tears off his cheeks. “Seishirou-san left me and I don’t have anyone now . . .”
“Subaru-kun, I’m right here,” Seishirou said, trying to sound comforting. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Subaru shook his head, frustrated. “You don’t understand.”
“You’re right. Care to explain it to me?”
“I made them leave me. They’re not going to come back.”
Seishirou gave up. His head was throbbing too much for this. He guided Subaru into the apartment and let him flop down onto the couch. Then he picked up the phone and dialed.
“Moshi moshi?”
Seishirou took a deep breath. “Fuuma-kun?”
“Aa.” A suspicious pause. “What’s up, Seishirou?”
Seishirou took yet another deep breath and forced himself to speak quite possibly the hardest words in the world for him to say. “I need your help.”
Fuuma, to his credit, didn’t rub it in. “What happened?”
“I’m at Subaru’s apartment, with him,” Seishirou said. “I got into a car accident on the way to get him when he lost hold of the spell completely and I blacked out. He’s not very well and I need you to come stay with him while I go to the hospital. Can you?”
“Aa. I’ll be right over.”
Also to his credit, Fuuma must have paid the taxi driver enough to burn rubber, because he was there in fifteen minutes. He opened the door to the apartment without knocking and gave Seishirou a surprised look. “Wow, you really are hurt. I told the taxi driver to wait and to leave the meter running, but I already paid for my share of the trip. He can take you to the hospital.”
“Thanks,” Seishirou said. “Subaru’s on the couch. He’s . . . never mind. I can’t describe it. You’ll just have to see for yourself.”
“When will you be back?” Fuuma asked.
“If I have my way, they’ll treat me and let me go, so maybe a few hours,” Seishirou said. “But I may end up getting held overnight. Concussion and all.”
“Okay. Jaa ne.”
Seishirou turned and left the apartment without another word.
~~~~
When Kamui woke up, the bed was empty and Keiichi’s side was cool, indicating that he’d been gone for some time. Kamui opened his eyes slowly and saw a small note perched on Keiichi’s pillow. He picked it up and read through it.
“Kamui -- I’m sorry I couldn’t stay home today but I had an exam. During lunch I’m going to see Imonoyama-rijichou and tell him you’re staying here. I’ll be back after that. If you need anything, call him. I’m sure he can get a hold of me for you. Love, Keiichi.”
Kamui folded up the note and tossed it onto the bedside table. It was half past eleven in the morning. Kamui didn’t know how he could have possibly slept so long. The sad thing was, he still felt tired. Not physically tired, not anymore, but he felt no need to get out of bed. That would involve moving, and he just didn’t have the energy.
He was fairly sure that, at this point, Subaru was probably dead. And even if it wasn’t his fault, as Keiichi had said, at least some of the responsibility fell on his shoulders. He didn’t really feel like ever getting out of bed.
“God, I’m being stupid,” he muttered to himself. What right did he really have to be this depressed when he had Keiichi? Keiichi was wonderful, and adored him, and he really needed to get over himself. It was just hard, that was all. Hard to face this last failure. He wondered briefly why it was that he could never seem to save the people who mattered most to him. He was lucky he’d never had to save Keiichi, or he probably would have botched that as well.
He was still lying in bed when the door opened about an hour later and Keiichi came in quietly. “Hey,” he said, seeing Kamui curled under the blankets. “You not up yet?”
“Nn,” Kamui said. It was about all he could seem to manage.
“Why not?” Keiichi asked, standing over the bed and looking down at him.
“Just . . . didn’t wanna,” Kamui mumbled.
The mattress shifted and Kamui felt the covers get pulled back as Keiichi climbed into bed next to him. Kamui was mildly surprised by this; he had expected Keiichi to simply leave him alone to his moping. He closed his eyes as Keiichi wrapped his arms around him, holding him tightly.
“You should’ve called me,” he said quietly. “I don’t like to think of you being here all day, by yourself . . . like this . . .”
“I’m okay,” Kamui said. “Honestly.”
“You’re such a lousy liar,” Keiichi murmured.
“I want to be okay,” Kamui said quietly.
“I know you do.” Keiichi hugged him tighter. “But you don’t have to pretend for me, Kamui. Don’t ever do that. Just tell me what you need.”
“I feel selfish,” Kamui said, glad he was speaking to the wall, since Keiichi was curled around him, instead of to Keiichi’s face. “You’re so wonderful and I do love you so much, but it seems like all I can think about today is Subaru.”
“Kamui, that’s just natural,” Keiichi said soothingly, smoothing Kamui’s hair. “You just left him yesterday. It makes sense that he’s still on your mind. You still feel bad about the way things turned out, ne?”
Kamui nodded silently and blinked, feeling tears sting at his eyes. He really didn’t want to cry, especially not with Keiichi there. He’d been crying enough lately.
“It’ll pass, Kamui, honestly,” Keiichi said. “It’ll get better with time. You made the right decision.”
Kamui sniffled and nodded again. “Okay,” he finally said.
“Do you wanna get up?” Keiichi asked. “We could go out for lunch.”
“In a bit,” Kamui said softly. “Can we just stay like this for a while, first?”
“Sure,” Keiichi replied, snuggling closer. “As long as you want.”
~~~~
Seishirou was too tired to even feel a surge of jealousy when he walked into Subaru’s bedroom and found him curled up in bed with Fuuma. For one thing, the teenager was still fully clothed, as was evidenced from the fact that the blankets were only pulled halfway up. Subaru was sound asleep, wearing only his pants.
Fuuma glanced up as Seishirou came in and sat up, pushing his hair out of his face. “Sorry,” he said vaguely. “He completely conked out right around three and I was so tired . . . figured he couldn’t do anything stupid if I went to sleep on top of him. It would have woken me if he’d moved.”
“It’s fine,” Seishirou said. “I was planning on telling the doctors to let me go once they’d made sure I was going to be all right, but I couldn’t, on account that I passed out in the taxi and the EMTs had to carry me inside. I didn’t wake up until this morning.”
Fuuma nodded. “I didn’t mind staying. And you looked like crap. What’s the damage?”
“Well, the headache was not so much from the concussion as from the three inch gash in my head, compounded by the concussion,” Seishirou said dryly.
“Wow,” Fuuma said. “I’m amazed you managed to walk straight. Or walk at all.”
“So am I,” Seishirou said. “Especially when you take into account the broken ankle and four cracked ribs. Fortunately none broke, or I might have needed surgery.”
“You walked that much on a broken ankle?” Fuuma asked, then added, as an afterthought, “Shouldn’t you have crutches?”
“I should. I left them in the front hall. They annoy me.”
Fuuma laughed.
“The doctor said, given the damage to my car, I’m lucky to have gotten off so light,” Seishirou continued. “I had to talk to the police a bit. Told them I’d fallen asleep at the wheel, which is nominally true. They asked why I had wandered off and I said I didn’t remember doing it. Fortunately, the doctor backed me up on the fact that head wounds can cause erratic behavior like that.”
Fuuma nodded. “Good thing you were wearing your seat belt,” he said with a slight laugh.
“It really was,” Seishirou said with a sigh. “How was Subaru?”
“Well, like I said, he passed out around three. Before that, he was . . .” Fuuma paused, searching for the correct word. “Loopy,” he finally came up with. “Was he talking to the ceiling when you found him?”
“The sky, his sister, whatever other person came into reach, as long as they weren’t actually there. He only seemed to recognize me about half the time.” Seishirou swallowed hard. “The Tree says that his mind is broken. And that it won’t recover.”
Fuuma stared at him for a long minute, then looked away and said the last thing that Seishirou was expecting. “I’m sorry.”
“What are you sorry for?” Seishirou asked, startled. “It’s not your fault. It’s nobody’s fault but my own.”
Fuuma shrugged. “It was an expression of sympathy, not of apology. I know it’s not my fault. But . . . I know how hard this must be for you. So I’m sorry.”
Seishirou glanced over at Subaru, still sound asleep. “The Tree . . . doesn’t exactly know about human things like hope. It said there was a chance, that with time, Subaru might be able to heal himself. I’ll have to hope for that.”
Fuuma gave him a long look. “What are you going to do?”
Seishirou shrugged. “What can I do? I’m going to try. I’ll stay with him, and I’ll try to help him piece himself back together. I’m the only one who might be able to help repair this damage. So, as that person, I have to try.”
“And not that I want to give you any ideas, but how do I know you’re not going to just kill him and then off yourself the second I step out the door?” Fuuma asked skeptically.
Seishirou shook his head, pushing his hair out of his eyes. “I could never kill Subaru. Never have been able to, never will. And I won’t leave him to face this alone. So I have to stay, no matter how unhappy it makes me.”
Fuuma looked at him for a long second, then nodded. “Good. You’re learning.”
Seishirou looked away. “I guess I have to spend the rest of my life fixing this mistake. I just hope someday I’ll be able to.”
Fuuma nodded. “I’m gonna go,” he said. “Didn’t get much sleep anyway, and I wanna check and make sure Kamui’s doing okay.”
Seishirou nodded. “I’m just going to go to bed,” he said. “I don’t think Subaru will hurt himself if he wakes up and sees me next to him.” He paused. “As long as he recognizes me, that is.”
“I wouldn’t worry too much about it,” Fuuma said. “A good night’s sleep may help. That Tree of yours is twisted anyways. Jaa ne, Seishirou.”
Seishirou watched him go, then crawled into bed with Subaru without even removing his shirt. His head still ached fiercely and the rest of his body wasn’t feeling much better. Despite all the sleep in the hospital, he felt in desperate need of a nap.
Besides, if he fell asleep, he wouldn’t have to remember what was happening.
~~~~
Keiichi wasn’t sure if there was anywhere they could go or anything they could do that would actually make Kamui feel better, but he settled for getting Kamui out of bed and getting him some lunch. He seemed to revive a little with the food, and even managed to smile and have a normal conversation. Keiichi was considering taking him out to a movie or something when the doorbell rang.
Kamui stayed in the kitchen while Keiichi answered it, looking slightly surprised to find Fuuma on the doorstep. “Monou-kun.”
“Hey,” Fuuma said. “Kamui’s here, right?”
“Yeah, he’s in the kitchen,” Keiichi said uneasily. “But unless you have good news, this may not be the time. He’s not feeling very well.”
“I think I can make him feel a little bit better,” Fuuma said. “If only for one simple reason, which is that I bet he’s totally holding himself back around you. He doesn’t want you to know how miserable he is, because he thinks that would insult you. I guess I can see why he’d think that, but it can’t be good for him to bottle all that up. I’d like to talk to him.”
Keiichi smiled wearily. “Aa. Thanks. I was worried about that. I know he’s doing it, but no matter what I say, he won’t admit it. I’ll just go do some homework for a while.”
“Thanks.” Fuuma went into the kitchen to see Kamui poking vaguely at the sandwich he was mostly ignoring. “Hey, Kamui.”
Kamui looked up, blinking in surprise. “Hi,” he finally said. “Where’d Keiichi go?”
“He went to do some homework, give the two of us a little time to talk,” Fuuma said.
“Oh,” Kamui said, looking away. “Bad news, then?”
“Depends on your definition,” Fuuma said with a shrug. “Subaru’s still with the living, if that helps.”
Kamui brightened slightly. “Yeah. That . . . that’s good.”
“Turns out that he and Seishirou did have a big argument before you got home,” Fuuma said, plunking into a chair and putting his feet up on one of the others. “But I got Seishirou to stop being a big weenie and find Subaru before he could do anything stupid. He’s there now . . . I think he’s going to stay.”
Kamui nodded, his smile now touching his eyes. “I’m glad,” he finally said. “But . . . he’s not okay, is he. He couldn’t be.”
“He’s a bit more than seriously unhinged,” Fuuma said dryly. “I mean, Subaru was never the most stable person to begin with, but this . . . no, it didn’t help. I’m not sure it’s really anyone’s fault. Just too many things happening at the wrong time.”
Kamui looked away. “I should have realized . . .”
“Kamui, shut the hell up,” Fuuma said mildly. “You don’t need to blame yourself. Seishirou is doing enough of that for you. He holds himself entirely responsible. And really, I think the two of you are both idiots.”
Kamui gave him a questioning glance.
Fuuma raised his hands in surrender. “Look, I don’t pretend to be a know-it-all on this subject . . . but I think Subaru probably had issues before Seishirou ever got to him. Long before he ever met you. I mean, really. So the guy he loved betrayed him and killed his sister. Yeah, that really sucks. But he never got over it. He was still just as depressed about it nine years afterwards as he had been after two days. People are made to be resilient, Kamui. They’re built to recover from tragedy, from loss. For some reason, Subaru just wasn’t made right. One thing went wrong and he never recovered, and so things got worse and worse. I’m not sure there was ever any way to save him.”
Kamui pondered this for a long minute. “Yeah,” he finally said, softly. “I think you may be right about him.”
“Does it help?” Fuuma asked curiously.
“In a way,” Kamui said with a sigh.
“If you could do it differently . . . what would you do?” Fuuma asked.
Kamui thought about it for a long second, then shook his head. “No. That’s selfish.”
“Hey, I’m the only one here,” Fuuma said. “You know you can trust me.”
Kamui closed his eyes, holding back tears. “I wish . . . that I had never gone back to him, after it all . . . ended. I wish I had left him alone, and just lived on my own. That way . . . I could have been happy with Keiichi, and . . . and never suffered through any of this. If there was truly no way of saving him . . . I wish I had never tried.” He wiped the tears off his cheeks. “Does that make me a horrible person?” he asked.
“Nah,” Fuuma said. “Just a regular human being. We’re made to be selfish, too, you know. To watch out for our own interests, put our own survival above everything. When you really think about it, love is a very unnatural thing. It goes against all laws of being. There’s nothing wrong with wishing for your own happiness.”
“Just makes me feel awful,” Kamui said, rubbing away more tears. They didn’t seem to stop, no matter how hard he tried. “But on the other hand . . . if I hadn’t been there when Seishirou had come . . . he might have stayed. In a way . . . it really is all my fault.”
Fuuma shook his head. “No. Sorry to burst your blame bubble, but to Seishirou, you were just a convenient excuse. A way to let him ditch Subaru without feeling so damned guilty. Really, Kamui, you had nothing to do with it. Seishirou was trained and raised to never, ever, lose control of himself. The fact that he was in love with Subaru terrified him, because it was the one part of him he couldn’t control. Even if you hadn’t been there . . . he wouldn’t have come back.”
He shrugged. “Besides, we can’t live our lives by what ifs. It’s a stupid way to be. There are thousands of different ways this could have all happened, but this is the only one that did, so this is the only one that’s important.”
Kamui wiped his eyes. “And now I feel selfish because I’m grateful for Keiichi, I really am, and I don’t want him to know how unhappy I am about all of this . . . you would know this if anyone could . . . is there any way that Subaru and I could have ever been happy?”
Fuuma shrugged. “Maybe. Maybe if he’d never met Seishirou, or if Seishirou had honestly been dead, you might have been able to turn him around. But trust me . . . you’ll be happier with Keiichi than you ever could have been with Subaru. Because as much as you love Subaru, you always would have been second best to him.”
Kamui nodded. “I know.”
“So enjoy what you’ve got, Kamui. That’s the best advice I can give you.”
Kamui gave him a long look. “So you’re all on your own now?” he asked quietly.
“Hell yeah.” Fuuma grinned. “But you’ll still be seeing me.”
Kamui managed a wan smile. “I’m glad.”
“Here’s my other piece of advice,” Fuuma said, as an afterthought. “Keiichi won’t think any less of you because you’re unhappy now. You really should talk to him.”
Kamui looked away. “Yeah. I will. Just . . . not today.”
~~~~
Seishirou didn’t wake until the next morning, and he found Subaru wide awake next to him. The Sumeragi had obviously been awake for some time, but had apparently seen no reason to get out of bed. He was talking, quite cheerfully, to the picture of Seishirou on the night table.
“You want some breakfast, Subaru-kun?” Seishirou asked, sitting up.
“Mm. Breakfast would be nice.” Subaru snuggled up into his lap.
Seishirou was so relieved to get a linear response that he leaned down to give Subaru a brief kiss. “Well, stay here. I’ll go get something.”
He crawled out of bed feeling disgusting; he had been wearing the same clothes for far too long. Still, a shower could wait until after they had both eaten. The kitchen was fairly well stocked, and Seishirou was a decent cook, so he managed to throw something together fairly quickly.
Subaru had pulled on a shirt when Seishirou came back into the living room, but was still wearing the same pants he’d been wearing two days ago. Seishirou glanced around, only now noticing the pictures Subaru had plastered the room with. Despite how many Subaru had torn down, there was still a fair amount left. At this point, Seishirou felt nothing could surprise him. He just stared at the pictures for a few minutes, then sat on the edge of the bed with a sigh and put the tray of food in Subaru’s lap.
Subaru looked down at it, but otherwise didn’t react.
“You need to eat something,” Seishirou told him firmly.
“Yeah, probably.” Subaru looked up at the ceiling as if he expected it to hold the answers to the meaning of life.
Seishirou sighed and got some of the food on the fork. “Open up.”
Subaru opened his mouth obediently, letting Seishirou feed him. He didn’t even seem to notice that he was eating. After about half of it, he shut his mouth and turned away, and no amount of coaxing on Seishirou’s part could get him to open it again.
Seishirou went to take the dishes back out to the kitchen. As he did, the doorbell rang. Frowning, Seishirou opened it.
“Er . . . hi,” Kamui said awkwardly. “I came for the rest of my stuff.”
“Oh.” Seishirou stood back. “Come on in, then.”
“I’m glad you’re here,” Kamui said, going into the living room and beginning to pick things up. The box he had brought them in was still sitting at the foot of the couch, so he tossed them into it. “Wasn’t sure you’d stay.”
“Well, I didn’t have much choice,” Seishirou said with a sigh.
Kamui picked up the box. “Is Subaru in the bedroom? I still have things in there.”
“Aa, he is. He’s not exactly . . . all here, though.”
“I know. Fuuma told me.” Kamui went towards the bedroom without another word. “Ohayo, Subaru.”
Subaru glanced over at him. “You have pretty eyes,” he announced.
“Thanks. How are you feeling?”
“Pretty good . . . except I think my brain is funny.” Subaru smiled pleasantly.
“Yeah, I’d have to agree there.” Kamui started to take his clothes out of the one drawer that he’d used, making sure they were folded and putting them in the box. “How’s Seishirou been treating you?”
Subaru blinked, looking startled. “Seishirou-san is here?”
“He’s standing in the doorway, Subaru,” Kamui said slowly.
“Oh, that’s right,” Subaru said vaguely.
Kamui put the last of his things away and closed the box. Then he hesitantly walked over to Subaru and gave him a hug. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m really sorry it turned out this way.”
Subaru smiled. “It’s okay. I feel perfectly fine.”
Kamui managed a painful smile back. “All right. I’ll see you around, Subaru.” He let go and picked up his box, going into the living room. Seishirou followed him. “Well,” Kamui said, turning to face him, “no hard feelings, right?”
“Yeah,” Seishirou said. “As long as you don’t have any either.”
“I don’t,” Kamui assured him. “It wasn’t really your fault. Not any more than it was mine.”
Seishirou looked away. “You want some advice?”
Kamui half-smiled. “From you? This ought to be good.”
Seishirou sighed. “Look, Kamui, I don’t pretend that I have any idea what actually happened to any of us . . . but I do know one thing. You were trying to save Subaru, ne?” At Kamui’s nod, he continued. “Subaru tried to save me . . . and it destroyed him. You tried to save him . . . and it nearly did the same to you. Sometimes . . . it’s better to just sit back and be saved.”
Kamui looked pensive. “And what about you?” he asked. “What are you going to do?”
Seishirou shrugged. “Stay with him. Try to put him back together.”
“It may never happen,” Kamui said.
“I know. But I have to try. I owe it to him.”
Kamui nodded slowly. “Good luck, then.”
“Thanks.”
~~~~
Kamui put the box down at the end of Keiichi’s bed and stared at it for a minute, then opened it and began to take the things out. Keiichi had told him what space was free for his belongings, and Kamui intended to use it. He had decided to take one more day off from school before going back; he simply hadn’t felt up to it in the morning.
He amused himself during the day with the television and books and some homework that Keiichi had brought him. Fortunately for him, Keiichi came home right after school.
“I got my stuff,” Kamui said from where he was sitting at Keiichi’s desk, not really looking up.
“That’s good.” Keiichi stood behind him and started to give him a shoulder rub.
Kamui closed his eyes and let out a soft sigh.
“Anything happen when you go?” he asked curiously.
“Subaru’s really crazy.” Kamui felt tears stinging at his eyes. “He’s really just not there anymore.”
Keiichi sat down on the bed and motioned for Kamui to join him. The smaller boy did so, crawling into the protection of Keiichi’s arms. “You okay?”
“I’m . . . not as bad as I could be,” Kamui said. “I talked to Seishirou for a bit.”
“Oh? How’d that go?”
“It was interesting,” Kamui said. “He said . . . I had done enough saving. And I should just sit back and let myself be saved for once.”
Keiichi hugged him tightly. “Can I save you, Kamui?”
“Yeah.” Kamui rested his head against Keiichi’s shoulder and closed his eyes. “I think I’d like that.”
~~~~~
Chapter Twenty-Six
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