Warnings: Smut. Shouldn't I put that under 'promises' rather than 'warnings'? And, uh, a cliffhanger. Eheh.
Chapter Twenty-One: Willpower
“So where were you all day?” Fuuma asked as Seishirou strolled casually into the house around dinner time, looking rather pleased with himself.
“I could ask the same thing of you,” Seishirou said. “You’re not an early riser.”
“I had stuff to do,” Fuuma said. “I needed to talk to Kamui, and I didn’t want to bother him during school, so I hauled my ass out of bed and went to meet him beforehand.”
“And that took until ten o’clock?” Seishirou asked skeptically.
“I got sidetracked,” Fuuma said with a grin.
Seishirou decided he really didn’t want to know. “As for where I was, I decided to become a legitmate member of society again.”
Fuuma blinked at him.
“I got a job,” Seishirou explained.
“You. Got a job?” Fuuma asked, sounding amazed.
“You don’t need to sound like it’s such a shock,” Seishirou said mildly, amused. “I went to the clinic I used to work in. They didn’t have any positions open, but they were able to send me somewhere that did. I was hired on the spot. Apparently I have quite a reputation.”
Fuuma coughed slightly. “You got a job.”
“Yes. Why is this a miracle?”
“Because you’ve been sitting on your ass for weeks!” Fuuma said. “Really. What brought this on?”
“I went for a walk and ended up there,” Seishirou said. “I decided it must be a sign.”
Fuuma snorted. “From who?”
“Someone with a weird sense of humor, that’s for damn sure,” Seishirou said. “But does it really matter? At least I won’t be sitting around the house all day. I thought you’d be pleased.”
“Pleased? I’m ecstatic. There are no words for how pleased I am.” He paused. “Maybe I can find another way to express it . . .”
“Dinner first,” Seishirou said.
Fuuma gave him an offended look.
“Hey, give me a break. I haven’t eaten all day.”
~~~~
Kamui had no idea what had worn Subaru out so badly, but he knew that the Sumeragi must have had a long day. He went to bed after dinner and was so soundly asleep when Kamui went to bed that he didn’t even twitch when Kamui crawled into bed next to him.
Still, when Kamui woke up the next morning, there were over half a dozen payment slips from the fax machine. Obviously, Subaru had been taking out his anger of Kamui and Keiichi by doing his job.
Kamui sighed and went to school.
Subaru woke up about a half an hour later, but didn’t want to get out of bed. He had absolutely no work to do and wasn’t exactly looking forward to a day of boredom. He was trying to will himself back to sleep, but had a vague suspicion it really wasn’t going to work.
Eventually, he dragged himself out of bed, on the reasoning that while lying in bed, he couldn’t help but dwell on his misery. If he got up, he might be able to distract himself.
Kamui had made breakfast and left it on the table with a little note that gave Subaru a rather dull feeling in his chest. He reflected that he was probably the only person that got depressed when his significant other left a love note. He did eat the breakfast, however. It wasn’t even noon yet, so he had plenty of time until Kamui got back from school.
He just had to find something to do.
He decided to clean. It was mindless yet took energy, and with any luck would have him worn out enough to sleep by that night, despite the huge amount he’d already slept.
He was done with the kitchen and halfway through the living room when the doorbell rang. He put down the rag he was using to dust off all the electronics and went to look through the peephole. As he suspected, Fuuma was outside. “Go away,” he called.
“Awwww, Subaru, don’t be like that,” Fuuma said, smirking. “It wasn’t that bad, was it?”
Subaru closed his eyes and sank to the floor, leaning against the door in the not-very-likely event that Fuuma might try to break in. Actually, given Fuuma’s personality, it wasn’t that unlikely. Then again, Subaru didn’t think he’d kept any of his powers, except that of seeing Wishes. He tried to answer Fuuma, but all he could think was, No. No, it wasn’t bad, and that’s exactly the problem. It was great, and therefore I can’t allow it to happen again.
“Just go away,” he said wearily.
“I’ll break down the door,” Fuuma said.
Subaru gave the door a pained look. He didn’t think he would really be able to explain a broken door to Kamui. “No you wouldn’t.”
“Try me, Subaru.”
Subaru sighed and stood up, then pulled the door open about an inch. “What the hell do you want from me, Fuuma?”
Fuuma easily got his hand around the door and shoved it open, causing Subaru to stumble back a few steps. He walked in and closed it behind him, toeing off his shoes and looking for all the world like he belonged there. “Wow, this place sure got clean in a hurry,” he said.
Subaru gave him a withering look.
Fuuma appropriated one of the kitchen chairs and sat down. “You look better today, Subaru. You don’t hurt my eyes quite as much.”
“Shut the hell up, Fuuma.” Subaru glared at him angrily.
Fuuma grinned. “Feisty today, aren’t we?”
Subaru said nothing. He turned his back on Fuuma, pouring himself a cup of tea.
“Today,” Fuuma said, “you want me even more than you did yesterday, because now you know how good it feels. But you also feel guilty for yesterday, and so you don’t want to want me. That’s kind of amusing, don’t you -- ”
He stopped. Subaru had thrown the mug of tea in his face.
“Get the hell away from me,” Subaru said in a low voice.
Fuuma licked his lips, slowly. “Mm. Ginseng. Supposed to be a natural stimulant, you know.”
Subaru’s eyes narrowed. “I said -- ”
“Aa, I heard you.” Fuuma just smiled, then wiped the tea off his face. He wiped his hand off on his jeans. “But I’m having too much fun. And so are you. You just don’t want to admit it.”
“I am not,” Subaru said stiffly. “Now get out of my apartment.”
“Or else what?” Fuuma asked cheerfully. “You’ll beat me up? Nah, I get enough of that from Seishirou. C’mon, Subaru, I could have you begging for me in less than five minutes.”
Subaru glared fiercely at him, but he refused to turn it into a ‘could-not-could-too’ argument. “I’m warning you -- ”
Fuuma grabbed him by the wrists and pulled him down in one quick motion, position himself quickly so that Subaru ended up straddling him, sitting on his lap. “You’re warning me?” Fuuma asked, pleasantly, not flinching under Subaru’s glare. “Of what? Do tell.”
Subaru yanked his wrists out of Fuuma’s grip, but before he could get away, Fuuma had his arms around Subaru’s waist. “Let me go,” Subaru snarled, trying to jerk away.
“Sorry, no can do,” Fuuma said. “You might hit me and damage my beautiful face.”
Subaru sputtered in outrage, still trying to squirm free, rather uncomfortably aware that he was squirming against Fuuma, and that really wasn’t doing anything to help his predicament. Fuuma laughed slightly and put his hand on the back of Subaru’s neck, pulling him in for a kiss.
Subaru bit his lip and yanked away. “Don’t be such an arrogant prick,” he hissed. “I don’t want this.”
“You keep forgetting,” Fuuma said patiently. “I know what you want.”
Subaru growled something incoherent and attempted to jerk away so violently that he nearly fell backwards off Fuuma’s lap. Fuuma grabbed him and pulled him back forward, with more force than before, causing their hips to grind together. Subaru let out a surprised moan, putting an arm around Fuuma’s shoulders to regain his balance. Fuuma just smirked, thoroughly enjoying having Subaru in his lap. He leaned forward a bit and began to kiss his way down Subaru’s neck.
Subaru let out a little gasp and shifted his weight forward, rocking himself against Fuuma again. Fuuma laughed. “Thought you didn’t want this,” he said in a teasing tone, running one of his hands up the back of Subaru’s shirt.
“Shut the hell up,” Subaru mumbled. One of his hands twisted in Fuuma’s hair and he pushed forward again, harder than before.
“You’re so impatient,” Fuuma said, with a slight sigh. “You won’t last long if you keep that up, you know.”
“Shut up,” Subaru repeated.
Fuuma reached down and put his hands on Subaru’s hips, shoving him a few inches back so he could no longer get the friction where he wanted it. “No. I’m the one in charge here.” And with that, he picked Subaru up and carried him easily to the bedroom. Subaru didn’t resist, though his entire body was tense.
Fuuma dumped him uncerimoniously on the bed and flopped down next to him, quickly crawling to pin him down in case he decided to escape. “Now where were we?” he asked. “Oh yeah . . . right about here.” He put his hand on the front of Subaru’s pants, rubbing against the fabric lightly.
Subaru let out a light moan.
“We were arguing over whether or not I could get you to beg for me,” Fuuma said with a wicked grin. “So let’s see, shall we?” He took hold of the bottom of Subaru’s shirt and peeled it upwards, then he apparently changed his mind. “No, let’s leave this on for now.” Subaru gave him a rather suspicious look. Fuuma traced his fingers over Subaru’s chest for a minute, then laced his fingers through Subaru’s, lifting the Sumeragi’s hand to his lips. He grinned at Subaru, who was blinking up at him, then drew Subaru’s index finger into his mouth, sucking it gently.
Subaru turned his head to one side with a small, contented sigh. He closed his eyes as Fuuma gave the treatment to each of his fingers in turn, wondering how something so simple could be so damned sensual.
Fuuma kept his grip on Subaru’s wrist, placing Subaru’s hand on his chest and guiding it lower. Subaru’s breath sped up minutely as he fought to keep control of himself; Fuuma was holding his wrist too tightly to escape. He bit his lip to keep from making any noise as Fuuma pulled his hand downward and brushed it over the front of his pants. “Do you like to touch me, Subaru?” Fuuma asked, seeming genuinely curious, but not loosening his grip.
Subaru said nothing, but his hand moved a little, pressing down against the bulge in Fuuma’s pants.
Fuuma smirked, though he looked slightly breathless. “Yeah, that’s it,” he said. “Go ahead. It’s fine with me.”
Subaru looked hesitant for a minute, then got a small, evil smile, and squeezed.
Fuuma made a small, choked noise. His grip tightened on Subaru’s wrist, and drew it away. “What about you?” he asked in a low purr, pushing on Subaru’s wrist so his hand wound up on his lower stomach. “Do you like to touch yourself?”
Subaru let out an undignified squeak that turned quickly into a moan as Fuuma guided his hand lower.
“You’re too repressed,” Fuuma murmured, as he had guided Subaru’s hand to the correct place, but it was just sitting there limply. He closed his hand over Subaru’s and pressed down. Subaru moaned again.
“Do you want me?” Fuuma murmured, leaning down to kiss his ear.
Subaru hissed, trying to convey a negative answer without actually having to say anything.
Fuuma laughed, moving Subaru’s hand back and forth. “It could be me doing that, you know . . .” He licked delicately along the shell of Subaru’s ear. “If you’ll only ask.”
“I . . .” Subaru shuddered, his hips jerking involuntarily underneath his own hand.
“C’mon, just three little words . . .” Fuuma said, his tongue tracing the dents and bumps in Subaru’s ear.
Subaru’s eyes closed; his mouth moved for a minute but not words came out. His hand started to move faster, without Fuuma’s direction.
“Admit it,” Fuuma said, nipping gently at Subaru’s earlobe. “Admit it and you can have me.”
“Oh God,” Subaru gasped out. “Yes, I want you, please . . . please don’t make me wait any longer . . .”
“Now, that’s what I like to hear,” Fuuma said with a smirk. “Little more, please.”
Subaru didn’t even think to try to argue. “Please, Fuuma, I need you, no one can make me feel like you did, please . . . you make me stop hurting . . .”
Fuuma smirked. “Your wish is my command.”
~~~~
“So how’d it go?” Fuuma asked, looking up from where he was lounging on the sofa with a magazine. “Does it feel good to be a legitimate member of society?”
Seishirou gave him a look that bordered on being dirty. “Yes.”
“That’s good.” Fuuma smirked. “I had a very productive day myself.”
Seishirou closed his eyes. “I don’t want to know. I do not want to know. Just tell me there’s something to eat in this house. I’m starving.”
“Seriously, how did it go?” Fuuma asked, following Seishirou into the kitchen.
“It was fine,” Seishirou said. “Very enlightening. I got to sit around and read a whole bunch of medical journals to catch up on what I’ve missed over the past ten years.”
“Oh,” Fuuma said. “Sounds like a blast.”
“Well, it was interesting,” Seishirou said. “Fortunately, I’m a fast reader, and I didn’t have that much to catch up on. I’ve been reading them anyway to keep my veterinary license.”
Fuuma blinked. “You still have it? I thought you’d have to take whatever tests apply again.”
“No, I kept renewing it, even though I wasn’t using it.” Seishirou pulled some food out of the fridge and started making dinner. “I was never quite sure why I did it . . . it just always seemed like a good idea, so I didn’t question.”
“You never even expected to live to use it, did you,” Fuuma said flatly.
“No,” Seishirou said. “But I enjoyed doing it, and I sometimes toyed with going back to it as a hobby.”
“Weirdo,” Fuuma said peaceably.
“Yeah, whatever. You were pleased enough yesterday.” Seishirou resisted the urge to throw something at the younger man.
“Well, hell yeah,” Fuuma said. “You’ve stopped being pathetic.”
Seishirou gave him a look.
“I’m serious,” Fuuma argued. “Do you know how frustrating it was to watch you sit around and mope and dwell on how miserable you were? I wanted to kick your ass every time I laid eyes on you. You were driving me crazy.” He paused. “And the sex was getting worse.”
Seishirou rolled his eyes. “Good to know that your motives were pure.”
“Oh, give me a break,” Fuuma said, rolling his eyes. “You know that wasn’t the main issue. I mean, as much of a prick as I am, that doesn’t mean that I like watching my friends be miserable.”
Seishirou said nothing, looking at the vegetables he was chopping as though they held the secrets of the universe.
“How’s your will to live?” Fuuma asked brightly.
Seishirou sighed. “Bordering on existence.”
“Well, hey, that’s better than before.”
“Yeah. I know. Sad, isn’t it.”
“Give yourself credit,” Fuuma said with a shrug. “Better is better.”
“I know,” Seishirou repeated, with another sigh. “It’s just hard to be grateful for the little bit of will to live I have, when the rest of me doesn’t want to have it.”
Fuuma smirked. “You’re stuck here, Seishirou. I suggest you get used to it.”
~~~~
Subaru felt like his life was settling into a rather bizarre routine. Get up. Wake Kamui up. See him off to school, try to be friendly and nice. Check the faxes. Get fucked by Fuuma. Shower. Repeat previous two steps as necessary. Go out and do research. Come home, again try to be nice to Kamui, make dinner. Eat. Go out and kill people. Come home, fuck Kamui, go to sleep.
If Kamui ever wondered why Subaru’s work schedule had been pushed back, he didn’t ask. He simply figured that Subaru probably had some reason or another, and he probably didn’t want to hear it anyway.
He thought it would get monotonous after a while, thought that if he gave it time, he’d be able to resist Fuuma. But he never could. Fuuma was far too insistent and Subaru was far too spineless. He let Fuuma do what he liked, and always tried to resist, because his favorite part was when Fuuma overcame his resistance.
Subaru wondered sometimes what the hell was wrong with him. Because still, despite the fact that he was getting regularly fucked by Fuuma, he panicked whenever Kamui showed any signs of leaving, any signs of loving Keiichi, any signs of spirit at all.
He knew that Fuuma, on his own, was simply incapable of offering him what he needed. Much the same way that Kamui, on his own, couldn’t offer him what he needed. Subaru was far too used to being controlled to give that up; Fuuma satisfied a craving in him that he had been trying to keep repressed his entire life.
But Kamui . . . Kamui was different, because Kamui loved him. And in his own way, Subaru needed that as much as he needed to be tied down and blindfolded.
He had at least, for the most part, managed to reign in his obsessive tendency to try to hurt Kamui. He still said spiteful things and he was anything but gentle in bed, but he no longer did anything for which Kamui threatened to leave.
Sometimes he hated Kamui for that, for being able to manipulate him so well without even trying. Without even realizing, half the time.
And whenever he saw Kamui with Keiichi, though the occasions were rare, he felt the sudden urge to commit messy murder. He was starting to hate Keiichi just on the principle that he could take Kamui away if he chose.
It just wasn’t fair.
Keiichi seemed content to sit back and wait, as long as Subaru toed the line and didn’t do anything to hurt Kamui. But Subaru had to wonder how long that would last. He knew love when he saw it, and he knew the possessiveness that Keiichi was showing all too well. Subaru was sure that Keiichi hated him at least as much as he hated Keiichi.
He wondered if Kamui had any idea.
He made a mental note that if Keiichi showed any signs of taking Kamui away for no reason, he’d just kill him.
Subaru sighed. No, that was no good. He was pretty sure that Kamui would be pissed if he killed Keiichi. Maybe he could make it look like an accident . . . No, still no good. Kamui would be sure to suspect.
Surely there had to be some way to scare Keiichi off?
He sighed again and told his inner voice to shut up. He really couldn’t just go being mean to Keiichi. That was likely to make Kamui angry far more easily than anything Subaru did to him personally.
If you want to hurt someone, go after what’s most important to them.
Seishirou had taught him that.
He always let Fuuma in, but from there it became somewhat of a one-sided power struggle. Subaru resisted, knowing he would lose, because he wanted Fuuma to coerce him, to convince him, to seduce him.
He loved the helplessness.
“I need a therapist,” Subaru announced to the ceiling.
“That’s for damn sure,” Fuuma mumbled from where he was lying next to him. “Hope you’ll settle for a cigarette.”
Subaru sighed. Fuuma lit one and handed it to him. “I shouldn’t let you do this to me. But I do. And I don’t know why.”
Fuuma shrugged. “Because you like it. Silly question.”
“No. That’s not answer enough. Why do I like it?”
Fuuma shrugged again. “Tons of people do. It’s a control thing. Control issues . . . I don’t know, try Freud. Maybe he could explain it.”
Subaru gave Fuuma a sidelong glance. “I wasn’t in love with my mother.”
“No, but you got stuck in the oral stage when you were a baby,” Fuuma said with a smirk. “Or is it the anal? I never remember the difference between all those stupid stages. Him and his stupid psychosexual routine. The man was just frustrated.”
“And smoked crack,” Subaru remarked absently, blowing smoke towards the ceiling.
“Wouldn’t surprise me.” Fuuma grinned. “But it’s easy to tell: do you prefer oral or anal?”
Subaru gave him a mildly offended look.
Fuuma lit up a cigarette for himself, laying beside Subaru in silence for a few minutes. “There are less pictures,” he remarked, glancing at the walls.
“Mm,” Subaru agreed.
“Why?”
“Because I’ve been taking them down,” Subaru replied, resisting the urge to add ‘obviously.’
“Obviously,” Fuuma said, which made Subaru roll his eyes. “But why?”
Subaru shrugged. “Seemed like the thing to do. He’s not coming back to me. He doesn’t care for me in the slightest. And it made Kamui happy. That I was trying.”
“Subaru,” Fuuma said dryly. “Seishirou does care for you. We’ve had this conversation. He’s just too much of a bloody coward to admit it.”
Subaru shrugged, obviously not believing him for a minute.
“You’ll see,” Fuuma said. “Someday I’ll talk his sorry ass into getting back here, and hopefully it’ll take the rest of him with it.”
“Whatever,” Subaru said.
“Don’t believe me?” Fuuma asked, raising an eyebrow at Subaru.
“No.”
Fuuma shrugged. “That’s your choice. But I’ll prove you wrong one of these days.”
“Mm hmm.”
“Jerk,” Fuuma accused. “For that, I’ll say you got stuck at the oral and the anal stages.”
“Uh huh.”
“Let’s find out,” Fuuma said with a grin, stubbing out his cigarette, then taking Subaru’s and stubbing it out as well.
“We just did,” Subaru pointed out.
“Yeah, but I’ve got the sex drive of a teenager, and you really have amazing stamina. I mean, amazing.”
“Thanks for the compliment,” Subaru said, rolling his eyes. They closed as Fuuma settled on top of him, his lips caressing Subaru’s skin.
Silence, except for their heavy breathing.
Then Subaru’s eyes snapped open as he heard a very familiar voice. What it said, he couldn’t quite tell, but he sat bolt upright, snatching the sheet to cover himself, thanking whatever God there was that Fuuma had his back to the door.
“Oh, no,” Kamui said pleasantly. “Don’t let me interrupt.”
~~~~
Chapter Twenty-Two
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