Warnings: Incoherent!Kamui, more Intuitive!Fuuma, and Catty!Keiichi, who is a ton of fun to write. (In his new, improved, spelled-correctly version.) And if you hate the Subaru in this part, well, I'm sorry. I can't please everyone, after all.
Chapter Fourteen: Blood and Roses
The world was blood. Blood and maybe that thin gauze that had always been used to cover his many wounds. He couldn’t think. Too much blood. Why was there so much blood? His arm hurt. It hurt to think. Everything hurt. There was a strange ache in his chest and he couldn’t remember why it was there.
Oh yes. Subaru didn’t love him. That was always why.
“Hey,” a soft voice said. “Are you awake?”
Familiar voice. Couldn’t place it though. A hand on his. Someone was holding his hand. “Subaru . . .” he managed. His arm hurt. Why did his arm hurt? He was having trouble remembering anything. He remembered arguing with Subaru. Because Subaru wanted him to leave, but he didn’t want to go.
“No, it’s me. Can you open your eyes?”
He tried. He really did. There was brightness through the blood and the world spun crazily, but before he quickly closed his eyes again he got a quick glimpse of blonde hair and chocolate brown eyes. “Keiichi . . .”
“Yeah.” Gentle fingers ran through his hair. “How are you feeling?”
“Like shit . . .” Couldn’t think, and the world hurt. “What happened?”
Keiichi hesitated. “You tried to kill yourself. Do you remember?”
“No . . .” Kamui’s eyes opened and he looked slightly panicked.
“Shh, it’s okay,” Keiichi said. “You got here before there was too much blood loss, the doctors said you’re going to be fine.” His hand tightened reassuringly on Kamui’s for a minute.
Kamui searched for something to say, and searched desperately. “What time is it?” he finally came up with. “Why’m I so . . . fuzzy?”
“It’s around midday,” Keiichi said. “And you’re pretty drugged up on painkillers and stuff like that. That’s why the world is kinda blurry. Okay?”
“Why’re you here . . .?” Kamui asked.
“Rijichou pulled me out of class first thing,” Keiichi said quietly. “He told me what had happened and excused me for the day so someone could stay with you.”
Kamui wanted to know where Subaru was, but he didn’t want to ask Keiichi that. It wasn’t that he wasn’t grateful for his classmate’s presence, it was just that he wanted Subaru. “But . . . why does someone need to sit with me?”
“Because we’re worried about you, Kamui,” Keiichi said gently.
“Shouldn’t . . .” Kamui said faintly. “Not worth it. ‘M dirty and worthless and selfish and . . .”
“Shh.” Keiichi placed his finger over Kamui’s lips. “None of that. You can explain why you did this later, okay? Don’t think about it for now.”
Kamui was silent for a long minute, before speaking up in a tiny voice. “What did I do?”
“You slit your wrists.” Keiichi’s voice was not quite even. “Well, just one, but all the way from wrist to elbow. You bled a lot, but Subaru got you here in time.”
“Decided I didn’t want to die,” Kamui said vaguely. “I didn’t want to make you mad . . .”
“I’m not mad at you, Kamui.” Keiichi smoothed his hair.
“I’m sorry.” Tears started to slide down Kamui’s cheeks. “I’m so sorry.”
“Shh, don’t worry,” Keiichi said. “It’s going to be okay.”
Kamui swallowed hard. “Subaru left?” he asked.
“He said he’d be back later,” Keiichi said.
“I don’t know why I want to see him,” Kamui replied, his voice dull. “He hates me. He said he couldn’t even stand to touch me because I was so dirty that I made his skin crawl.”
Keiichi’s eyes darkened, but all he said was, “You’re not dirty, Kamui.”
“I feel dirty.” Kamui lifted his good arm and wiped the tears off his cheeks. “I don’t know why anyone would ever care for me.”
Keiichi opened his mouth to reply, but before he could, the door opened and a doctor came in. He stood back to let them do their work. Kamui fell asleep soon afterwards, clinging to Keiichi’s hand like a lifeline.
~~~~
Subaru lit up his twenty-seventh cigarette of the day and stared up at the hospital. He didn’t want to go inside, and he didn’t know why. He would admit to a moment of sheer panic when Kamui had collapsed, and couldn’t manage to rationalize it no matter how hard he tried.
He wanted Kamui to leave.
Didn’t he?
But no matter how many times he went over it in his head, all he could manage to feel was a pang of regret. He hadn’t meant to drive Kamui to this. That was never what he had intended. He couldn’t really say what he had intended, but this wasn’t it. Not to be standing outside the hospital at three o’clock with already an entire pack of cigarettes under his belt.
He was starting to think that Kamui was right. Even if he had left, Seishirou wasn’t coming back.
The problem wasn’t with Kamui.
It’s with me. Why would Seishirou-san want to be with me? I’m pathetic. No wonder he ditched me. He just used Kamui as a convenient excuse.
He had taken that out on Kamui, believing it to be his fault. And Kamui had tried to kill himself because of it. Kamui had been through so much, then been driven to a knife by his words.
He pitched his cigarette and took the elevator upstairs. Kamui was awake, talking quietly with Keiichi. They both looked up at his entrance, and Subaru was taken aback to see something remarkably like hatred in Keiichi’s eyes. He supposed it only figured.
“May I speak to Kamui, please?” he asked quietly.
“Yeah, sure,” Keiichi said, not moving a muscle.
Subaru let out a soft sigh. “Alone?”
Keiichi pushed back his chair and gently pried his hand free from the death grip Kamui had on it. “I’ll be right back,” he promised his friend. Then he looked at Subaru. “Don’t be too long. He’s still very tired. And I’d like to talk to you afterwards.”
Subaru realized that couldn’t bode well, but he simply nodded. Keiichi left the room, but Subaru suspected he was just outside the door, listening. He sighed again and walked over to Kamui. “I’m sorry,” he said softly.
Kamui blinked up at him, not quite focusing properly. “Huh . . .?”
“I’m sorry for everything,” Subaru said. “Everything I said and everything I did. I don’t . . . I was scared. When I saw what you’d done. I don’t want to lose you, Kamui. You’re the only person left who loves me.” He leaned down and kissed Kamui’s forehead. “Please stay with me.”
Kamui managed a weak smile. “I said I wasn’t leaving and I meant it,” he said.
“Then what was this?” Subaru asked, motioning to Kamui’s bandage-covered arm.
Kamui looked away.
“We can talk about it later,” Subaru said. “For now, you should rest.” He kissed Kamui again, this time on the lips, then turned and left the room.
Keiichi was standing in the hallway with his arms folded over his chest.
“You heard that, right?” Subaru asked, his hands itching for a cigarette.
“Of course,” Keiichi said calmly, eyeing Subaru with definite dislike. “Look, this kind of thing isn’t in my nature, so I’ll make it quick. The doctors told me you were all but panicking yourself to death when you brought him in. I know you were worried. And what you said just now proves it.”
“Your point?” Subaru asked coldly.
“My point,” Keiichi replied, his tone matching Subaru’s perfectly, “is that you had better stop treating him like shit, as of right now. I realize that I can’t really threaten you, but if you keep hurting him, I will take you apart in whatever way I can. I’m the only person Kamui ever comes to for guidance or advice. If I really wanted to, I could convince him to leave you. He’s so totally unstable that it wouldn’t even really be that hard. He might hate me for it, but I’d be willing to risk that. He doesn’t realize what you’re doing to him, but I do, and you had better stop.”
“Are you finished?” Subaru asked calmly.
“Yes,” Keiichi said pleasantly, giving Subaru a huge, cheerful grin. “But I hope you don’t think I’m bluffing. I never bluff. You’re just lucky I haven’t done it already. I love him more than you could ever hope to.” The grin disappeared. “So I suggest you get your act together, Sumeragi-san, and pull your head out of your ass, or I’ll take him away from you. And I’ll never give him back.”
He walked back into Kamui’s room.
Subaru didn’t move for a long time. He was concerned to find that his hands were shaking.
~~~~
The morning after Kamui tried to kill himself, Seishirou woke up to one of the worst headaches he’d ever had. He lay in bed on his stomach and contemplated moaning from pain. He didn’t actually moan. He didn’t quite have enough energy for that.
“Hey, what’s wrong with you?” Fuuma asked. Seishirou glanced up and saw the younger man standing in the doorway. “You never sleep this late. You break something last night?” The smirk in his tone indicated when he thought that Seishirou might have been injured.
Seishirou managed to raise a hand and flop it limply in Fuuma’s direction.
“Huh?” Fuuma asked.
“Head aches,” Seishirou managed.
“Oh. Want some aspirin?”
“Preferably morphine,” Seishirou tried to say, but it came out more like “Prfmmmph.” There was a few minutes of blessed silence. Seishirou wondered why he had such a bad headache, but thinking made it worse, so he gave up after a minute.
“Here,” Fuuma said, coming in with a glass of water and some pills and setting them on the bedside table.
Seishirou looked at them. “Yergh,” he said. Then, with much effort, he hauled himself into a sitting position. If he could survive having a hole punched in his chest, he could survive this. He leaned against the headboard and downed the aspirin. Fuuma, seeing that the older man wasn’t going to be good for much, wandered back out of the room and went back to what he’d been doing.
Seishirou wandered out about a half an hour later, once the throbbing pain in his temples had subsided a bit. He took a hot shower to help with the remnants of the headache and then walked into the kitchen wearing only his pants. Fuuma was lounging on the sofa, eating a bowl of cereal despite the fact that it was half past noon, and reading.
“What?” Fuuma asked, when he noticed that Seishirou had been standing in the doorway with a faintly confused look for almost a full minute.
Seishirou frowned and rubbed his face with both hands. “Why am I here?”
Fuuma blinked at him. “Well, one night your mother got frisky, and -- ”
“Not that,” Seishirou said impatiently. “Here. In this house.”
Fuuma gave him a look that was at least as confused as the one Seishirou was giving him. “Last time I checked, you’ve been staying here.”
Seishirou sank into the chair, frowning. “I don’t remember,” he finally said.
“Okay, Seishirou, let’s back up,” Fuuma said, putting his cereal aside. “What do you remember?”
“I -- no -- it’s fading in and out.” Seishirou closed his eyes. “I remember seeing you in the hospital, but after that everything gets hazy for a while.”
Fuuma pinched his lower lip, deep in thought. “Have you been doing any magic lately?” he asked. He’d been doing some studying since Seishirou had told him what had happened, and had learned that all magic carried at least some amount of backlash. “Erased anyone’s memory or anything?”
“No . . .” Seishirou said. “Subaru-kun did something to some of mine, but only enough so that the government wouldn’t want me dead.”
Fuuma continued to consider, then couldn’t help but smirk. “Well, you did hit your head pretty hard last night. Against the wall. When I -- ah -- ”
“That I remember,” Seishirou said dryly. “I suppose that could account for it . . . I’m going to go lie down for a bit, see if it helps.”
“Yeah, you do that.” Fuuma remained frowning after Seishirou left the room. After a few moments, he shrugged and picked up his book again. It was a few hours later, and he had given up on the book and resorted to a movie instead, when Seishirou came out of the bedroom again. He walked into the kitchen and set about making tea without giving Fuuma a second glance. “You feeling better?” Fuuma called.
“Hm?” Seishirou wandered in with a mug of tea. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
Fuuma felt a headache of his own coming on. “Because earlier you seemed to hardly even remember where you were?”
Seishirou blinked at him, looking bewildered. “I did?”
“You must’ve hit your head harder than we thought,” Fuuma grumbled. “As long as you’re feeling better now, I don’t care.” He gave Seishirou a speculative look, noticing that he wasn’t wearing a shirt. “We could try for another head injury,” he said.
Seishirou rubbed the back of his head with a pained expression. “Thanks, I’ll pass. That is, unless you’re volunteering to be injured?”
Fuuma considered it, then shook his head. “Nah. Sex without injury, though . . .”
Seishirou raised an eyebrow at him. “Do you ever stop?”
“When I’m asleep . . .”
Seishirou paused. “I’m not sure about that.”
“That was your fault. I wouldn’t have woken up in the middle if you could’ve just waited until I was awake.”
Seishirou shrugged. “Patience isn’t a virtue of mine.”
Fuuma smirked. “Then why are you standing all the way over there?”
~~~~
Keiichi glanced over at the single white rose that was sitting on Kamui’s bedside table in an elegant vase. “Sumeragi-san bring you that?” he asked, settling in the chair beside Kamui’s bed.
“Yeah,” Kamui said with a small, wistful smile. “This morning, while you were at school.”
“That’s good,” Keiichi said. “You two talk at all?”
“A little,” Kamui said. “But not about anything important. He apologized for what he said, though.”
“What did he say?” Keiichi asked, not sure that he really wanted to know.
“Oh, just some stuff about how he hated me and it was all my fault that Seishirou wouldn’t come back to him and how he had never loved me.”
Keiichi considered this for a long minute. “You’re going to hate me for asking this, but . . . did he take back what he said, or just apologize for saying it?”
Kamui managed a slight smile. “He took back that he hated me and that it was my fault that Seishirou didn’t stay. He never did love me, though. He doesn’t even really love me now. But he needs me, and he knows it.”
Keiichi sighed. “If you say so.”
Kamui looked away. “I’m . . . I’m sorry, Keiichi.”
“For what?” Keiichi asked.
“For everything, I guess. Most recently for . . . this.” He gestured to his bandaged arm. “I didn’t want to go to you because . . . I don’t want to hurt you. And if I keep allowing myself to lean on you, eventually I’ll give you too much or ask for too much. I don’t want to lose your friendship, Keiichi . . . it’s one of the most important things in the world to me.”
Keiichi smiled, then reached out and brushed Kamui’s hair out of his face. “Thanks. That means a lot to me.” He leaned over and sniffed the rose. “It’s nice.”
“He brought me some of my own clothes, too,” Kamui said. “And a few books and things.”
“And here all I brought you was your schoolwork,” Keiichi said with a slight smile.
“Hey, I appreciate that too,” Kamui said.
Keiichi took out a sheet of paper with the assignments written on it and put it on the bedside table. “If you need any help with that, just let me know. And . . . Kamui . . . I’m glad that you’re getting along with Subaru. Really glad.”
Kamui smiled. “Thanks.”
Keiichi stayed a little longer, but then Subaru came back with some take-out Chinese food. They eyed each other warily for a minute, then Keiichi gave Subaru a warm smile. “Konnichi wa, Sumeragi-san,” he said.
Subaru managed a slight smile in return and nodded in Keiichi’s direction. “Konnichi wa.”
“I brought Kamui his school assignments,” Keiichi offered.
“Good timing,” Subaru said. “I just brought him his school books.”
Kamui groaned.
Subaru gave him a fond smile. “It’s all right. I’ll help you with it.”
Keiichi blinked and looked rather astonished for a minute, then grinned. “Well, I’ll leave you to it, then. See you tomorrow, Kamui, Sumeragi-san.”
He trudged out of the hospital feeling little better than miserable. There was plenty he could do if he felt like cheering himself up; Kamui was hardly the only friend he had. But he didn’t particularly feel like gracing the world with the genki image he usually presented. Really what he wanted to do was lock himself in his room where no one would see how depressed he was.
“Oi, Keiichi-kun!” a voice called. Keiichi glanced up to see Fuuma standing a few feet away, waving. Keiichi shrugged and made his way over. “Hey, you look depressed,” he said. “Want to go for ice cream?”
“Depends on how metaphorically you mean that,” Keiichi said, manging his usual grin.
“Just ice cream,” Fuuma said with a leer. “Though more could be arranged . . .”
“I’ll pass on that, thanks,” Keiichi said. “But the ice cream doesn’t sound bad.”
The two of them walked a couple blocks in silence until the found an ice cream vendor. Keiichi got a simple cone, but Fuuma insisted on getting a popsicle, which amused Keiichi to no end.
“So what are you so down about?” Fuuma asked. “Subaru find out about your little fling with Kamui?”
“No,” Keiichi said, debating how much he wanted to tell Fuuma.
“Seishirou’s being a total dork,” Fuuma said, licking at his popsicle with a suggestive expression on his face. “I mean, as much as I like the guy, he can be a pain in the ass. But hey, none of my business. Though . . .” He smirked suddenly. “If Kamui’s sticking with Subaru, that means that you’re free, doesn’t it?”
Keiichi wanted to sigh, but instead he just grinned. “What makes you think I’m that kind of guy?” Never let it be said that he couldn’t banter with the best of them.
“Well, you were kissing Kamui, which means that you don’t care that he’s dating someone else, so why would you care that I’m sleeping with Seishirou?”
“I don’t, particularly,” Keiichi said. “Sorry to disappoint you, but I guess I’m sort of waiting for the right guy.”
“Awww . . .” Fuuma looked severely digruntled at this. “That would be Kamui, right?”
Keiichi shrugged. “Apparently not. Subaru’s gotten his act together a bit, so I suppose the two of them will be happy together now.”
“Oh?” Fuuma sounded like he was inquiring more because he knew it was expected than out of any real desire to know. He also took the time to suck on his popsicle before continuing. “What got him over Seishirou?”
“I don’t think he’ll ever be over Seishirou,” Keiichi answered gloomily. “But he at least realized that Kamui’s important to him, too. Of course, that’s probably because of what Kamui did . . .”
“Is poor little Kamui getting himself into trouble?” Fuuma inquired.
“Yeah, nothing big, though,” Keiichi lied.
Fuuma gave him a long, speculative look. “You were standing outside the hospital when I ran into you.”
“Yeah, so?” Keiichi asked, licking away at his ice cream cone.
“Is that where Kamui is?”
“Maybe, maybe not.” Keiichi saw that Fuuma wasn’t buying it for an instant. “Okay, yes, but don’t go harrassing him, all right? He’s just starting to get himself together.”
“I want to see him, though,” Fuuma said. “Seishirou told me the truth about what happened . . . there are a few things I want to say to him.”
Keiichi shrugged. “I can’t stop you. I just think that you ought to think about what’s best for him.”
Fuuma paused. “You know, Keiichi, as must as he might want to deny this, I think I was sort of important to him. I think I could help him.”
“Just promise me you won’t try to seduce him,” Keiichi said wearily. “He’s got enough to worry about without that.”
Fuuma pouted. “Oh, Keiichi-kun, you take all the fun out of everything.”
Keiichi finished his ice cream with a sigh. “And you, Monou-kun, think entirely with your libido. You’ve got Seishirou; what do you need Kamui for?”
“Well, I really prefer to be on top,” Fuuma said casually, “but Seishirou isn’t fond of that.”
Keiichi closed his eyes. “Monou-kun, there’s this phrase called ‘too much information’, and I think that qualifies as a prime example of it.”
“Hey, you asked,” Fuuma said. Then he grinned and asked, “What do you prefer?”
Keiichi could feel himself turning bright red. He didn’t answer.
“Oh, don’t tell me a cute young man such as yourself is a virgin?” Fuuma asked, sounding both astonished and delighted.
“Shutup,” Keiichi muttered.
“And you’re going after Kamui?” Fuuma shook his head. “No good, Keiichi-kun -- that boy has ‘uke’ written all over him. You need someone like me if you’re going to learn the way of things.”
“I’ll learn the way I want to,” Keiichi said, still blushing.
Fuuma looked greatly saddened by this. “Well, if you insist,” he said with a sigh.
“Anyway, don’t go see him now -- Sumeragi-san is with him.”
“Gotcha.” Fuuma finished his popsicle and made a great show of licking off the stick it had come on. Keiichi blushed again, turning away. “See you around, Keiichi-kun,” Fuuma said casually, tossing the stick into a nearby garbage can and giving Keiichi a wink as he walked away.
~~~~
Chapter Fifteen
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