Brief Author’s Note: The reason the main pairings are listed as S/K and Sei/F is because that’s how the story *starts*. ^_~ And believe me, I won’t put in SuxF unless I find a way it becomes plausible.

Oh, and before anyone yells at me about Kakyou? I like him a lot. He’s one of my favorite characters on earth. That’s precisely why he only has one scene in this ‘fic. He deserves better. Eheh.

Chapter One: Awakenings

“How are you feeling, Sakurazuka-san?”

Seishirou blinked. Twice. The nurse’s face swam into focus above him. It was rather odd, he reflected. He wasn’t aware that there were hospitals in the afterlife. Certainly not the afterlife he had assumed he was headed for. So he kept blinking, and upon realizing that the nurse had asked a question, said, “I think the word I’m looking for is confused.”

His voice was hoarse and weak; he almost didn’t recognize it as his own. He felt extremely annoyed about this for some inexplicable reason. Seishirou despised feeling helpless, but when he tried to sit up, his head spun and he ended up quickly lying back.

“Don’t try to move just yet,” the nurse advised. Seishirou could see the small nametag she was wearing, labeling her as ‘Minako.’ She was bustling around, checking monitors and taking his pulse and blood pressure while she talked. “You’re very weak after what you’ve been through.”

“Ah,” Seishirou said, then added, “Just what have I been through?”

“Well, we don’t know exactly,” Minako replied. She leaned over to check how his eye was focusing, flashing a light into it.

A sterling answer, Seishirou reflected. His brain was fuzzy and thinking hurt. “Last time I checked, I was dead.”

Minako let out a nervous laugh. “Yes, well, you were dead. For almost ten minutes. But we were able to revive you. You’ve been in a coma for over eight months, though.”

“Eight months?” Seishirou asked, alarmed. He tried to sit up, only to sink back again; this time not out of dizziness, but out of sheer lack of energy.

“Eight months and nine days,” she confirmed. “But there was no brain damage. We were surprised it took you so long, but I guess your body just needed time to heal all the damage that was done to it.”

“How did I get here?” Seishirou asked, frowning. He supposed it was always possible that Subaru had brought him to the hospital, but it hadn’t really seemed like the Sumeragi was about to do so.

“Oh, it was so long ago,” Minako said. “But I remember anyway; I was the nurse on duty at the time, and I’ll never forget the young man who brought you in because he was so handsome.” She stated this matter-of-factly. Seishirou twitched in annoyance. “He was a lot younger than you, probably only in his late teens, dark hair and quite beautiful amber eyes.”

All right, that made sense; Fuuma had picked him up and hauled him to the hospital. But eight months? The Promised Day had surely passed by, and as was evidenced by the bustling hospital around him, Fuuma was most likely dead. Seishirou reflected it was somewhat of a pity he’d never gotten to thank Fuuma for saving his life. Of course, whether or not he was grateful to be alive was quite a different matter. He hadn’t decided yet.

“I’ll just go get the doctor, Sakurazuka-san. Don’t try to go anywhere.” Minako winked at him and hurried out.

Seishirou scowled, wondering how long he would be in the hospital. He reached out tentatively towards the Tree, thinking perhaps he could use some of its energy, but the Tree didn’t respond. Well . . . that wasn’t quite true. He could feel its power, but he couldn’t access it. It was regarding him somewhat fondly, like a parent who has sent their child off into the world. They still care for the child, but no longer feel responsible for it.

Seishirou swore under his breath. He was no longer the Sakurazukamori, which meant it must have been Subaru with the position. And he couldn’t even be sure that was true; Subaru could have died in the final battle. He felt a bit of a pang at that. Dying had meant he would never get to see the Sumeragi again, and he’d been well aware of that. Being brought back to life with the same implications was somewhat different.

He lifted his arm, somewhat pleased to see that he could at least do that much, and pushed aside the hospital gown to examine the scar on his chest. It was approximately one inch to the left of his heart. Apparently Subaru’s aim had been off slightly, thus Seishirou still being alive. It intrigued Seishirou slightly. Subaru must have been very reluctant to kill him if Hokuto’s spell hadn’t managed to be accurate.

The doctor came in and, as far as Seishirou could tell, began doing all the same things that Minako had been doing. Seishirou reminded himself firmly that these people had saved his life, and tried not to be annoyed. “How long am I going to be here, sensei?” he asked, trying to sound curious rather than irritated.

“Probably about two weeks,” the doctor answered imperturbably.

“Two weeks?” Seishirou asked, and fought the urge to groan. Dignified men such as he was didn’t groan.

“Well, we have to make sure you won’t slip back into the coma for any reason,” the doctor said. “Also, you’ll need to regain your strength and have some physical therapy.”

Seishirou could have told him that the first reason, at least, was unnecessary. He was fairly sure that he had been in a coma so long for a non-medical reason. If Subaru had become the Sakurazukamori, he had replaced Seishirou on the side of the Dragons of Earth. Seishirou waking up would have disrupted the balance, thus, fate had simply dictated that Seishirou would be in a coma until it was over.

However, he reflected somewhat ruefully, the second reason couldn’t be avoided. The fact that lifting his arm made him tired was somewhat disturbing. He supposed he could use all the physical therapy he could get. Not that he was any less anxious to get out of the hospital.

The doctor finished checking on him and left, saying someone would be in shortly with something for him to eat. Seishirou wasn’t looking forward to it; he doubted they would give him solid food yet. He was probably going to end up with a nutritious milkshake.

He wasn’t hungry, but he did want a cigarette. It was a purely psychological need; in eight months, he suspected his body had lost some of the physical aspects of the addiction. But still, waking up from an eight month coma was rather traumatic. He doubted he would get a cigarette any time soon.

He ran over the ‘last’ minutes of his life slowly as the nurse came back in with the suspected vitamin milkshake. “I think I told Subaru-kun I loved him,” Seishirou announced to Minako and the ceiling.

She blinked at him uncertainly, holding the milkshake.

“I wouldn’t have said it if I wasn’t expecting to die,” Seishirou continued, frowning and contemplating this fact.

Minako still just looked at him.

“Well . . . shit.”

~~~~

Someday, Kakyou vowed irritably, he would figure out why Kamui had this odd obsession with feathers. Honestly, these days you couldn’t walk ten feet in a Dreamscape without having them showered all over you. It was quite annoying.

And how was the kid keeping himself so well hidden? It wasn’t as if Kakyou had all the time in the world. He had things to do, people to see, borders to traverse. He was dead, after all, and long past due on the other side.

Still, Hokuto was quite concerned about her brother (and with good reason, Kakyou considered) and Kakyou was trying to find the only person left alive who might be able to help him. Finally, after wandering the ruins of Kamui’s mind for what seemed like ages, he found the boy curled up in the shade of a large chunk of Tokyo Tower.

“Kamui?”

Kamui was sitting up with his knees drawn to his chest, rocking slightly.

“Kamui, listen to me.” Kakyou sat down next to him. “You have to leave this place. You’re going to die if you don’t.” Not tactful words, perhaps, but Kakyou wasn’t feeling particularly tactful.

“Dying would be good,” Kamui said vaguely.

Kakyou sighed, feeling slightly as if he was wasting his time. “Kamui, don’t tell me you’ve come this far to give up now.”

“You have a better time for me to give up?” Kamui asked. The tears that had been threatening overflowed and spilled down his cheeks. “I’ve lost everything. Everyone’s gone now.”

“Not everyone,” Kakyou said quietly.

Kamui was silent for a long moment, then he whispered, “Subaru . . .”

“Aa.” Kakyou nodded. “He’s still alive, Kamui. Are you just going to leave him?”

“Me? Leave him?” Kamui asked bitterly. “It’s not like he wants me around. I haven’t seen him in months. He doesn’t care about me at all. Or even if he did, it wasn’t enough. He’s never going to forgive himself for what happened with Seishirou. And it wasn’t even his fault!”

“You could find him and you know it,” Kakyou said impatiently.

“Why?” Kamui asked. “So he could push me away? I don’t think so. I think I’d rather stay here until I die, thanks.”

“Kamui,” Kakyou said slowly, “you have to take into account that Subaru’s not quite right in the head. He could get better, but he won’t if everyone abandons him.” Kakyou congratulated himself on this statement. He wasn’t lying; Subaru could get better, even if it wasn’t very likely. And at the same time, it subtly shifted responsibility for Subaru’s well-being onto Kamui. All in one neat little sentence.

Kamui said nothing to this, one of his feet scuffing at the dirt.

“You’re all he has left now, Kamui.” Slightly less subtle.

“He doesn’t want me,” Kamui said, well aware of how pathetic he sounded. “He’s never wanted me.”

“I know that,” Kakyou said. “And I’m glad that you know it, too, because you won’t get your hopes up. There are just two questions you have to ask yourself. One: Just because he doesn’t want you, does that mean he won’t take you, when he hasn’t got anyone else?” Kakyou gave Kamui a close look. “And two: Are you willing to allow him to take you, to be his second best.”

Kamui didn’t reply.

A long second of silence passed between them.

“He’s a murderer,” Kamui finally said.

“Yes,” Kakyou said. “He has no choice. He’s bound to the Tree now. He must kill for it, or else it will die, and then so will he.”

“It’s not fair,” Kamui whispered.

Kakyou shrugged. “You of all people should know that life isn’t fair.”

Kamui said nothing.

“You just have to decide what’s more important to you,” Kakyou said. “Being with the person you love, or trying to find someone else who will love you.”

Kamui didn’t answer for a long minute, then said, “You really think . . . that I could help him?”

“I think you could,” Kakyou said. “I don’t make any promises. But you won’t know until you try, after all.”

“Yeah,” Kamui said. “I guess I won’t.”

~~~~

Kamui awoke slowly, and he spent a long minute starting into the distance without truly knowing what he was seeing. It took a while for the sight before him to register, but when it did, he sat bolt upright. Fresh ashes in the ashtray. Subaru had been there.

For a long minute, Kamui’s brain whirred, trying to figure out why Subaru had come, why he had left the ashes where he’d known Kamui might see them and, most importantly, why he had left again. It would have been obvious to Subaru that Kamui had gone within; leaving him had meant he was leaving Kamui to die.

Kamui squared his mental shoulders. He had made up his mind to find Subaru; this wasn’t going to change that.

He got up and left the house, then went to the Sakura to wait.

~~~~

He could see the clouds. But only barely. There was a thin layer of dust in the air, and his eyes didn’t want to focus properly. And his head hurt. His head hurt tremendously, making little stars bloom behind his eyes. His legs didn’t feel too great either. He managed to lift his head a little, and saw that they were trapped beneath a piece of metal. It looked suspiciously like a piece of Tokyo Tower.

Interesting.

“Hey! There’s someone over here!”

He glanced around to see what looked like two firemen heading towards him. Also interesting. What, exactly, had happened?

“You’re going to be just fine, son,” one of the firemen reassured him. Someone else rushed over -- a paramedic. The two firemen began lifting the metal off his legs while the paramedic checked him over. The world was blurring in a quite interesting way. The clouds were gone, replaced by smoke.

The paramedic was muttering to someone who had joined him in a low voice. “Concussion for sure, and God only knows about his legs under there, but other than that he seems okay. He’s damned lucky; being so close to the explosion.”

Even more interesting. What explosion? When? And why had he been there?

And while he was asking questions that he felt he really should know the answer to, where was he?

Who was he?

There was a sudden lifting of pressure; the weight was off his legs. He glanced down at them.

“Look at that!” one of the firemen exclaimed. He glanced down to see a tiny piece of pipe wedged between his legs. It had apparently been just tall enough to hold the metal off his legs so they didn’t get crushed. The paramedics rushed over to examine this and proclaimed, sounding astonished, that his legs seemed fine.

“We’re going to take you to the hospital,” the first paramedic said. “You have a concussion.”

He nodded dazedly and let them lift him onto a stretcher. Once they had him in the ambulance, the paramedic started to ask him some questions. “What’s your name?”

He blinked. Thought hard for a minute. Then shook his head. “I don’t know.”

The paramedic blinked at him. “You don’t know?”

“I don’t remember,” he said. He knew that most people in his position would be panicking, but he wasn’t. He felt very calm, rather like he was floating. Probably the concussion.

“I see,” the paramedic said. “Is there anything else you don’t remember?”

“Yeah,” he said, staring up at the ceiling of the ambulance. “I can’t remember anything.”

~~~~

Kamui drifted off to sleep underneath the tree and woke again as a cold wind swept over him. His eyes snapped open and he was on his feet almost before he was awake, preconditioned from so many months of torture and close-calls. He had been dreaming, something about Tokyo Tower again. Certainly not a prophetic dream; it was far too hazy for that.

The dim glow of a cigarette, waxing and waning in the dark, alerted him to Subaru’s presence. Kamui regarded him warily. There was almost no light in this section of the park; he couldn’t make out Subaru’s face.

Footsteps, a soft rustle of cloth. The Tree started to glow, bathing the scene in eerie light. Unthinking, Kamui took a step away from it. Subaru was leaning against it now, cigarette held casually in one bloody hand. For shock effect, Kamui supposed, but he was hardly shocked.

Subaru said nothing, and Kamui realized the first move was definitely going to be up to him. He cleared his throat nervously. “You wanted to see me?” he asked, careful to keep his voice even. Neutral.

“Whatever gave you that idea?” Subaru asked, knocking ash of his cigarette.

Kamui looked away. “You left the ash on my table where you knew I’d find it. Obviously, you meant for me to find it. I figured that meant you wanted to see me.”

“You were mistaken.” Subaru dropped his cigarette and ground it out with his heel. “This isn’t a good place for you to be, Kamui.”

“You say that as if I might not know,” Kamui said, with a bitter laugh. “Thanks for the news flash, Subaru. Where’ve you been?”

“Around.” Subaru stepped away from the Tree. The light immediately went out. Kamui heard Subaru’s retreating footsteps and hastened to follow him. By the time he reached the lit path, Subaru was a dim figure in the distance. Kamui had to resort to a flat out run to catch up with him again.

“Subaru, wait,” he gasped out, trying to catch his breath. But Subaru didn’t stop, nor did he even slow. Kamui grabbed his sleeve, but Subaru just shook him off and kept walking. Clutching at the stitch in his side, Kamui hastened to keep up. “Subaru, I have to talk to you! I have a message from your sister!”

Not technically true, but it stopped Subaru dead in his tracks. He stared off into the distance for a second, then spun to glare at Kamui, his eyes narrowed. “Bullshit.”

Kamui stopped and stared himself; he had never heard Subaru swear before. Then he steeled his nerves. “It’s true. She sent one to me through Kakyou, while I was Within.” Kamui wasn’t one hundred percent sure of this, as Kakyou had never actually outright said it, but he knew enough about Kakyou to guess. For one thing, he was fairly sure the yumemi wouldn’t have sought him out on his own whim; Kakyou was hardly one to lecture about taking one’s place in the world.

Subaru lit a cigarette. “And?”

“She said that . . .” Kamui’s voice failed for a second. He stopped for a deep breath. “She said I was the only one that could help you. And that I wasn’t allowed to give up until I had.”

“Help me?” Subaru’s voice dripped disdain. “I think both you and my sister are a bit mistaken. I don’t want your help, Kamui, nor do I need it.”

“Oh, so you’re happy the way you are now?” Kamui snapped back.

“It’s no concern of yours,” Subaru said, flicking ash in Kamui’s general direction.

“It damn well is,” Kamui said. He practically choked, then managed, “Subaru, you know I love you.”

Subaru gave him a look. “You loved me before I was Sakurazukamori. And before you go off onto a dramatic fit about how you don’t care that I’m a murderer, let me be the first to point out I’m an entirely different person now.”

“Liar,” Kamui bit out. “You just want to be.”

“Kamui,” Subaru said calmly, “Let me take this opportunity to remind you that you have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.”

Kamui bristled. “Don’t think I don’t see what you’re doing, Subaru,” he said. “You’re so guilty about killing Seishirou that you’re trying to replace him. You’re trying to erase everything you are and replace it with everything he was.”

“Kamui,” Subaru said in a soft voice. “Shut up.”

Kamui turned away, tears burning at his eyes. “You’re only saying that because you know I’m right,” he said, so softly that Subaru didn’t hear.

Subaru began to walk away.

“Wait. Please.” Kamui again hurried to catch up. “I-I don’t have anywhere to go, everyone else is . . .”

“You have an entire apartment to yourself,” Subaru replied, not even pausing to look at Kamui. “I’m sure Nokoru will agree to keep you fed. You really don’t have anything to worry about. Please don’t look for me again.”

Kamui planted himself firmly in front of Subaru. “Yeah, like I want to spend all my time alone in a house with nothing but memories of my dead friends,” he said dryly. He looked up and met Subaru’s eyes, one a now-dull green, the other cloudy white. “Please, Subaru. I don’t want to be alone.”

Subaru looked at him coolly. “And what do you suggest?”

Kamui swallowed hard. “Can I . . . stay with you?”

He expected Subaru to say no outright, but Subaru didn’t. He simply looked down at Kamui for a long minute, then said, “If it’ll give you comfort to stay in an apartment with another living being, fine. But don’t bother me.”

Kamui’s eyes brightened. “Thank you, Subaru.”

Subaru didn’t say anything else; he simply turned and walked away. Kamui trailed after him, more than content with this first victory.

~~~~

“It’s probably just a result of the concussion,” the nurse said soothingly. “Retrograde amnesia is usually caused by head wounds and by severe trauma, and being at the center of an earthquake like that, you have plenty of each. Your memory will probably return gradually, with time.”

He nodded. What else could he do?

“Now, let me see . . .” The nurse patted down the school uniform he had been wearing when they’d found him and triumphantly came up with a wallet. “Here we are.” She fished through it and came out with a student ID card. “Your name is Monou Fuuma,” she said. “You’re eighteen years old. Ring any bells?”

He -- Fuuma -- shook his head. It was beginning to hurt worse than ever.

“Well, you should probably get some rest,” the nurse said. “We’ll be in to check on you fairly often. I’m sure you’ll feel better soon.”

And she bustled out, leaving Fuuma to his thoughts.

~~~~

Kamui followed Subaru back to his apartment. He didn’t have any things with him, but he wasn’t about to ask anything of Subaru, let alone that they could make a detour so late at night. He could get his things the next day, on his own. Of course, technically, he had classes the next day, but he’d skipped them for three days straight now, and wasn’t particularly worried. Nokoru was well-aware of what had happened, and Kamui was sure the blonde man wouldn’t mind him missing a few days of school.

Subaru entered a large apartment building in a section of the city that Kamui had never been to before. He wondered briefly if this was the apartment Subaru had lived in before meeting the rest of the Seals, or if it was Seishirou’s apartment. Either was possible. Subaru knelt next to the doorway, beside which there were a few potted plants, and pulled a key out of one of the dishes.

He handed it to Kamui without a word, then unlocked the door and went inside. Kamui was startled by how big the apartment was; it hadn’t seemed that way from the outside. There was little furniture and what there was, was spaced out evenly. Subaru toed off his shoes and hung up his coat, then went into the kitchen and poured himself a mug of tea.

He turned to Kamui and gazed at him for a long minute. “I have two rules,” he said, at length. “Firstly, you can come and go as you like, and my comings and goings are none of your business.” He waited for Kamui’s nod, then continued. “And secondly, you’re never allowed in my bedroom without invitation.”

Kamui nodded again, feeling slightly numb. It was obvious that Subaru was going to pretend to ignore that Kamui was living there at all. Still, it was a start, and one he wasn’t ungrateful for.

Subaru, apparently considering the conversation at an end, finished his tea and walked out of the room. Before he went, he rinsed out the mug and placed it in the right side of the sink. Kamui observed this carefully, feeling that, as a houseguest, he should attempt to disrupt Subaru’s life as little as possible. He glanced down the hall as Subaru disappeared into one of the rooms. A few minutes later, he heard the shower start running.

It was late at this point; Kamui was tempted to flop down on the couch and go to sleep. But before that, he had a little exploring to do. He went down the hallway and glanced around. There were only two doors; one he knew to be the bathroom, the other had to be Subaru’s room. As instructed, Kamui left the door shut and walked away. The only other door in the apartment led to a small closet which stored towels, sheets, and spare blankets.

Kamui went back to the kitchen and located a mug, then poured himself some tea. He was hungry, but would feel incredibly awkward rummaging around in Subaru’s pantry. He knew that he should get over that quickly; he doubted Subaru would start cooking meals for two.

The living room was by far the biggest in the house. In addition to the comfortable black couch, there was also a red leather armchair and an impressive entertainment system. Television, VCR, stereo. Kamui was searching for clues as to whose apartment this had originally been, but found nothing. The house was nice, but there were no personal touches of any sort. The few paintings on the wall were classical; there were no photographs or trinkets. The large bookcase along one wall might have provided some clues, but Kamui had no idea what kind of things Subaru or Seishirou liked to read.

Kamui sat on the sofa and began to think. He wouldn’t be able to bring much with him; Subaru obviously expected him to sleep on the couch, and there was no bureau for him to put his clothes in. That was fine with him, he could leave them in a box at the end of the sofa. The only thing he was worried about at the moment, absurdly enough, was laundry. It occurred to him to wonder how Subaru did his. Kamui tried to picture Subaru doing laundry and decided that he probably sent it out to be done. But still, there had to be a laundry room somewhere in the building.

As he wasn’t yet tired, and Subaru had said he could come and go as he liked, Kamui pocketed the key and left to explore the rest of the apartment building. The apartment Subaru lived in was on the ninth floor, so Kamui was relieved to discover there was a laundry room on each floor. It was free, as well, he supposed that the cost of the apartment covered the charge.

He took the elevator down to the first floor and looked at the small directory on the elevator wall while he rode down. He was somewhat surprised to find that the first five floors were offices; the sixth was a health club that was open to anyone who lived in or used the apartment building. Actual living space didn’t start until the seventh floor.

The entire place didn’t really seem to be Subaru’s style; neither did the entertainment system. Kamui reached the first floor and wandered through the mailboxes until he found their apartment. He was not particularly surprised to see that the name on the box was Sakurazuka Seishirou.

Morbid much? he wondered. You could’ve at least changed the name the apartment was registered in, Subaru. He left the area and began to wander vaguely, not sure of where he was going, lost in his own thoughts. He couldn’t begin to guess at why Subaru had moved into Seishirou’s apartment, or where he’d gotten the key to do so in the first place. Subaru, he had realized, seemed to have this fascination with making himself more miserable than he already was. He had probably moved into Seishirou’s apartment out of some odd sense of masochism.

Kamui gave up on getting any serious thinking done and went back up to the apartment. Subaru was sitting at the kitchen table, eating a sandwich and reading the newspaper. He neither looked up as Kamui came in, nor asked any questions as to where he’d been. Kamui went back to the couch and sat down, staring off into the distance. At this point, he was starving, but he decided to wait until Subaru had gone to bed before getting himself anything to eat.

He didn’t have long to wait. Subaru finished his sandwich, folded the newspaper, and vanished into his room without a word. Kamui looked at the clock and was surprised to see that it was almost midnight. He scrounged in the kitchen long enough to find some leftover rice, which he heated up in the microwave. He was too lazy and too tired for anything more complicated. After eating that, he got a blanket out of the linen closet and curled up on the couch. As comfortable as it was, it took him a long time to get to sleep.

~~~~

Seishirou: ......

Kouri: What?

Seishirou: ....He’s living in my apartment.

Kouri: Yeah, so? Don’t blame me for Subaru’s insanities.

Seishirou: But where am I supposed to live when I get out of the hospital?

Kouri: I dunno. Somewhere else. That Subaru isn’t.

Seishirou: ........

Kouri: Eheh. Um, for anyone who's wondering why Fuuma is alive, that'll be explained. Hopefully soon. ::pauses:: As soon as I can get Subaru to stop being a prat and actually *speak* to Kamui. Feedback?

Chapter Two
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