Aftermath
By Karasu Yurei and Kouri Arashi
Part Five
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“Aren’t you going to eat more than that?”
Subaru looked down at the tiny amount of food on his plate. “The answer seems obvious by the lack of more food.”
“You don’t eat, you smoke too much . . . any other bad habits I should know about?”
“I don’t sleep very much.”
Seishirou smirked. “Why not?”
Subaru blushed. “I have better things to do with my time.”
“Such as?”
“What is this, twenty questions? Since when are you so nosy?”
“Since I found somebody so fascinating.”
“You’ve known me for over ten years, Seishirou-san.”
“I haven’t had time until now to ask all my questions. Besides, though you were much cuter at sixteen, you were nowhere near as interesting.”
“Thanks.” Subaru took a long drink of his tea. “That’s nice to know.”
There was a long moment of uncomfortable silence.
“Can I ask you a question, Subaru-kun?”
“You haven’t been?”
“Seriously.”
Subaru looked up and saw total sincerity in Seishirou’s golden-brown eye. He shrugged. “All right. I don’t promise an answer.”
“Do you hate me?”
Subaru looked down into his teacup as if he was seeking an answer at the bottom. “I don’t know,” he finally said. He hesitated, then asked, “Do you hate me?”
“I never hated you.”
“No, I suppose I was never worth that much effort on your part.” Subaru couldn’t keep the hurt tone out of his voice.
Seishirou flinched inwardly. “Subaru-kun . . .”
“Don’t call me that unless you have a reason to,” Subaru snapped.
Seishirou stopped dead. He wasn’t sure he’d ever heard Subaru’s voice so . . . sharp. He’d heard him angry before, but this was anger combined with a deep pain. Seishirou tried to shove down his guilt. It didn’t work well at all. He tried to think of something to say, anything that would somehow take back what he had said. He knew he could never take back what he had done. He wondered why the thought of Subaru hating him hurt so much. Finally, all he could come up with was, “After ten years, it’s going to be hard to break the habit.”
“Old habits die hard,” Subaru said, half to himself.
“Besides,” Seishirou said, regaining his equilibrium, “maybe I have a reason to.”
Subaru’s eyes turned to him sharply. “You know what, Seishirou-san? I’ve had enough of your little games. You’re not the Sakurazukamori anymore, I’m not your prey, and you can stop playing with my head.” He pushed back from the table. “I don’t know why I agreed to this. It was a bad idea.” He turned his back and walked out of the restaurant.
Seishirou hastily threw some money on the table and followed him. If he didn’t clear this up quickly, Subaru would never even look at him again. Why does it matter? his brain whispered to him.
Because, you idiot, he replied, you’ve tracked him for nine years but never killed him. It’s obvious that you feel something for him, even if you don’t know what it is.
He caught up with Subaru as he walked quickly away from the café, anger making the younger man walk faster than normal. He resisted the urge to grab Subaru’s arm, knowing that it would only make him more angry. “Subaru-ku - Subaru, wait.”
Subaru kept walking. If anything, his steps sped up.
Seishirou managed to get in front of him and face him.
Subaru attempted to push past him. Seishirou refused to budge, putting his hands on Subaru’s arms to hold him in place.
“Let me go,” Subaru said coldly, trying to ignore the fact that his blood was racing from Seishirou’s touch and he knew he was turning crimson.
“No,” Seishirou said simply, holding him in place as he struggled to break free.
Subaru glared up at him, which was a mistake, because for the second time, their eyes met. Subaru began to wonder if Seishirou did have a reason for calling him Subaru-kun. He’d never seen the older man’s eyes looking so . . . so . . . human before. And real, not like when he’d been sixteen. Whatever this was, it wasn’t fake.
“Seishirou-san . . .” he began, not sure at all about what would come next.
Seishirou’s hands tightened on his arms, drawing him a little closer. After a long second, he managed to speak. “You were worth every second I spent on you, whether I was with you or just thinking about you. Don’t ever think that you weren’t worth that. I just wish we hadn’t wasted so much time.”
Subaru fought to prevent himself from melting, but he did a truly miserable job, and the next thing he knew, Seishirou had pulled him even closer and put his arms around his shoulders. Subaru’s common sense dictated pulling away, but it lost completely to the flood of confused emotion he was feeling. Seishirou - the man he’d hated, or at least tried to hate, for the past nine years - was holding him. He should be screaming. But instead he felt more comfortable in Seishirou’s embrace than he’d ever dreamed. All he could think was that he wanted this moment to last forever. Maybe, if it did, he could forget that Seishirou was once the Sakurazukamori, that he’d killed his sister and broken his heart -
Subaru realized that Seishirou was speaking.
“Gomen, Subaru-kun,” Seishirou whispered. “Gomennasai . . . for everything . . . every wrong I ever did you . . . I’m so sorry . . .”
What am I saying? Seishirou wondered. He knew what was coming out of his mouth, and, strangely enough, he meant every word. It was helping some of the immense guilt and regret he’d been trying to cope with ever since the tree had been destroyed. And Subaru certainly seemed to like it, evidenced by the fact that he hadn’t punched Seishirou yet.
“Onegai, Subaru-kun . . . forgive me . . .”
After an agonizingly long pause, Subaru looked up, his warm green eyes staring into Seishirou’s for a minute. Then he sighed softly and said, “It wasn’t you.”
Seishirou felt himself go limp with relief. It wasn’t exactly forgiveness, but it was certainly better than nothing. He’d take what he could get.
Subaru pulled out of his arms. “Let’s go for a walk. This is too public . . . let’s go somewhere we can talk.” Without waiting for Seishirou to agree, he turned and walked away.
Seishirou hastened to catch up. They walked in silence for a minute. “Where are we going?” Seishirou asked.
Subaru shrugged.
“You’re heading towards Ueno Park.”
“I guess that’s where we’re going, then.”
“Why?”
Subaru considered. “To survey the damage?”
Seishirou doubted he just meant to the park. He decided not to argue further and rest of the walk passed in silence.
Subaru stopped where the Sakurazuka would have been and looked at the charred ground. “Kamui did quite a job on this.”
“He certainly did,” Seishirou agreed. He wanted to be irritated. The Tree had been in his family for generations, and some upstart fifteen year old had zapped it, and bam! a whole way of life destroyed. However, he knew he was in debt to Kamui for the exact same reason. Yes, his life had been destroyed, but maybe that was all for the best. If it hadn’t been for Kamui, he wouldn’t have . . . Subaru . . .
As if, Seishirou reflected somewhat bitterly, I have him now. He shifted nervously. Being around the remains of the Tree was disconcerting. He felt as though his skin was crawling. He looked around nervously.
Subaru turned to look at him, oblivious to his discomfort at first, then looking closer. “Are you all right?”
“Hai,” Seishirou said, lying through his teeth. “Why did we come here?”
Subaru shrugged. “It seemed appropriate. After all, this is where we met.”
Seishirou sighed a little.
“Seishirou-san, what are we going to do?”
“Do?”
Subaru looked at the ground. “Well . . . things have changed . . . I don’t know how things are between us any more.”
“I don’t know either,” Seishirou said. “You haven’t even decided if you hate me or not.”
Subaru laughed softly. “I don’t hate you, Seishirou-san.”
“That’s good to know.”
“Now why are you fidgeting?”
“I don’t know . . . this place, it makes me . . . nervous.” Seishirou spoke the word with distaste.
Subaru concentrated. Now that Seishirou had pointed it, the whole place did seem to have an undercurrent of malevolent energy. Not too surprising, considering what had once been there. Subaru frowned as a thought occurred to him. When something like the Sakurazuka is destroyed, what happens?
“What?” Seishirou asked, seeing Subaru’s eyes widen with sudden realization.
“Let’s get the hell out of here,” Subaru said, surprising Seishirou with his language, then even more when he grabbed Seishirou by the arm and began to forcibly pull him out of the park.
“What’s wrong?” Seishirou asked, following as quickly as possible.
Subaru shot him a glare. “Think about it, Kamui blew up a tree that was holding a bunch of angry spirits captive. Now those spirits are free, and who do you think they’re going to be coming after?”
Seishirou’s eyes widened.
The wind was picking up.
Subaru broke into a full run; Seishirou followed suit. Then he fell heavily as he was tripped by - something. He looked down to see a stream of sakura petals blowing past him. He cursed, wondering if Subaru had noticed when he’d fallen, or if he’d kept running.
Even if he had noticed, would he come back for you? an unwanted voice asked. Seishirou shoved the thought back. The last thing he needed now was to start worrying about that.
Before he could worry any more, Subaru grabbed his arm and hauled him upwards. “Let’s go.”
“Thanks,” Seishirou said, the word sounding odd coming from his mouth.
They both stopped dead a few seconds later as sakura petals swirled around them so thickly that they couldn’t see in front of them.
“Seishirou-san!” Subaru tried to shove his way through the mass of flowers, looking for the older man. The smell was choking him; sweet perfume covering up a cloying odor of blood and death. “Seishirou-san!!”
Seishirou could hear Subaru calling his name, but he couldn’t seem to call back. Or move. Or do anything other than stare at the petals he’d used so skillfully, so many times. A sudden gust of wind sent some flying past his face. He felt them sting as they ripped through his cheek.
He still couldn’t move.
“Shimatta!” Subaru’s hands were bleeding now as he pushed petals out of his face. “Seishirou-san!”
You can’t have him, he’s ours now -
“What?” Subaru was sure he had heard something. He shook his head. Now he was hallucinating.
He killed us, he is ours to kill in return -
“No!” Subaru cried out, not knowing why his heart seemed to freeze over at the prospect of Seishirou being taken away from him. “It’s not the same person! You don’t have any right to kill him!”
He is ours, he is the Tree’s, we have every right -
“Seishirou-san!” Subaru reached in his pockets and pulled out his ofada. He wasn’t going to be able to beat this, but maybe he could fight it off so he and Seishirou could have time to regroup. He forced himself to find his center of calm, taking a few deep breaths that made his still-healing ribs ache. Then he began to chant.
The cloud of sakura lightened a little.
NO! He is OURS!
“You can’t have him!” Subaru yelled back. “I won’t let you!” He threw out an ofada directly in front of him, clearing a path, and saw Seishirou standing a few feet away. The older man was standing perfectly still. Blood was dripping from the cuts on his face. “Seishirou-san!” He dove over to him and grabbed him by the arm. “Seishirou-san, wake up! Come back!”
Seishirou blinked and turned his head, slowly, as if in a dream.
“Seishirou-san, damn it!” Subaru cast out another handful of ofada, keeping the sakura back. “We need to get out of here!”
Seishirou blinked again. “Subaru-kun, where - ”
“Come on!” Subaru grabbed his arm and, with a silent prayer, cast out his last few ofada in front of them. The sakura parted; Subaru ran for all he was worth, dragging the bewildered former assassin behind him. If we can just get far enough from the Tree - he thought, trying to make his brain function.
NO! Come back! He is ours! We’ll come for him!
Subaru burst out of the cloud, still running full speed. The cloud dissipated and slowly disappeared. Seishirou looked back at it, still blinking, as if he was just waking up. “Subaru-kun, what . . .”
Subaru slumped to his knees, gasping for breath. The world was spinning; the forced run on top of the mental strain was too much. “Seishirou . . . san . . .” he managed to whisper.
“Subaru-kun . . .” Seishirou knelt beside him and caught him as he went limp. His eyes flickered for a second, then closed.
Seishirou saw the blood on Subaru’s hands and lifted one hand to his face, realizing that he was bleeding. Both of them were in pretty sorry shape. He looked over his shoulder at where they had come from.
After a long second, he picked Subaru up and began to walk.
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Subaru moaned and lifted one hand to his aching head. “Where . . .?” He opened his eyes and saw where he was, then frowned. This was much too familiar. “Seishirou-san?” he called to the empty air. His hands were bandaged and his coat removed, but the rest of his clothes were intact. There was a small bandage on his face. He closed his eyes again, casting about for memory. We went to dinner . . . then to Ueno Park . . . then . . .
He sat up straight in bed, memory flooding back. “Seishirou-san?” he called out again, worried now. Where was the older man?
He closed his eyes, then, after a moment’s concentration, heard the sound of running water.
Oh, he thought. He’s in the shower. He firmly suppressed the blush rising to his cheeks and the thoughts rising to his mind. He tried to move and found he could, so he sat up and rubbed his aching temples.
Seishirou came out about five minutes later. His hair was damp, and he was wearing only a shirt and pants, rather than his usual suit. “Oh, you’re awake,” he said. “How do you feel?”
“Aching,” Subaru answered. He was used to Seishirou’s concern by now. “Tired. Did I pass out?”
Seishirou nodded. “After . . . whatever happened, you fainted. I brought you back here.” He sat down in the chair. “May I point out that this was not my fault this time.”
Subaru considered this. “Debatable. It was your Tree. It was coming after you.”
Seishirou sighed. “All right, I’m sorry.”
Subaru laughed a little. “I’m kidding. I think.”
“What, exactly, happened?” Seishirou asked. “I remember . . .” His eyes went distant for a second. “I remember running, then there was sakura everywhere, and these . . . voices . . .” Seishirou actually shivered.
Subaru looked at him somewhat sympathetically. “Your - no. The Sakurazukamori’s victims.”
“They’re coming for me,” Seishirou finished for him.
Subaru nodded.
“What happened?”
“I managed to get through them to get you, and drag you out. Had to use up all my ofada to do it, so we better not get attacked again before I get more.”
Seishirou considered this. “You could have been killed,” he stated.
“I suppose I could have been.”
“You saved my life.”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because . . .” Subaru searched for the words. How could he explain it? At the thought of Seishirou dying, it was as if his entire world had stopped. Like the sun had gone out. There weren’t any words for that. “Because . . . I didn’t want you to die.”
Seishirou moved so he was sitting on the couch next to Subaru. “Why not?” He looked at Subaru seriously. “You’ve been waiting nine years to get your revenge on me, and what better way than to let my own victims take your revenge for you?”
“I don’t know,” Subaru answered softly. He looked down at his lap and forced the words out. “I didn’t want you to die, that’s all.” He paused. “How come you never told me Hokuto didn’t go to the Tree?”
“Eh?” Seishirou looked startled.
“She wasn’t among the spirits. You didn’t send her there. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“We weren’t precisely on congenial terms,” Seishirou said. “Besides, would it have made a difference?”
“I don’t know,” Subaru repeated.
“Well,” Seishirou said after a long silence. “Thank you. For saving my life.”
Subaru refused to look at him, afraid his eyes would give away too much of what he was feeling. “You’re welcome,” he finally managed.
“I still want an explanation.”
Subaru glanced over at him, then dropped his eyes. “If our positions had been reversed, would you have saved me?”
Seishirou considered this. “Yes,” he admitted.
“Why?”
Seishirou blinked. “I don’t know.”
“Then why do you think that I must?”
“Because you have far more experience in emotions than I do. You must at least have some idea.”
“My experience in romance, however, is sadly short.”
Seishirou took Subaru’s chin between his fingers and made the startled omnyouji look at him. “And when,” he asked, voice velvet soft, “did this become a matter of romance?”
Subaru stared at him. A dozen answers, none of them useful, echoed in his head. “I . . .” he managed.
Seishirou’s fingers glided across his cheek. “Do you want it to be a matter of romance?”
Subaru attempted to ignore the large part of him that was screaming ‘yes.’ He apparently didn’t manage very well, because Seishirou took one look at his eyes and chuckled softly. Subaru inwardly cursed those glass green eyes that gave away everything he was feeling.
“What do you want it to be?” Subaru turned the question onto Seishirou.
“I want whatever you want,” Seishirou said. His voice was sincere. Subaru believed he honestly meant what he said.
“I want . . .” Subaru breathed, noticing that Seishirou’s lips were awfully close to his now. “I want . . .” He turned his face away. “I want to get some more sleep,” he blurted out.
Seishirou blinked, then shrugged. “Okay. But you can’t sleep on the sofa, you’re the injured one here.” He scooped Subaru up, ignoring the younger man’s protests, and carried him into the bedroom. He laid him gently on the bed, then looked down at him. “Come to think of it, that sofa does look uncomfortable.” He plopped down next to Subaru.
He was rewarded when Subaru’s face turned a new shade of crimson. “S-S-Seishirou-san!” he stammered.
“You know, you are as cute now as you were nine years ago,” Seishirou said. He leaned over and kissed Subaru quickly, gaining a shocked look and an even redder face. “Oyasumi, Subaru-kun.”
Seishirou closed his eyes. Subaru followed suit before he could get even more embarrassed. After a minute, he realized he was only wearing a short-sleeved shirt and pants, and the bedroom was kind of cold . . . he tentatively moved closer to Seishirou. Seishirou smiled, put an arm around the surprised man’s waist, and pulled him close.
Subaru tensed involuntarily, then relaxed in Seishirou’s embrace. He closed his eyes again and, after a long moment of silence, fell asleep.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Seishirou awoke slowly to a feeling with which he was totally unaccustomed. He was . . . relaxed. Peaceful, even. It was truly bizarre. He cracked his eyes open to realize that one arm was still draped over Subaru’s waist. That, he figured, would explain the relaxed feeling. Probably the warm, cozy feeling too.
Subaru was facing him, his face clear of the pain that scarred it while he was awake. Seishirou suppressed yet another wave of guilt and sat up before further such thoughts could occur to him. Both of them were still fully dressed. Seishirou pondered how stupid it had been to go to sleep in their clothes; his pants and shirt were very wrinkled. He scowled down at them and went for clean clothes.
Subaru stirred when the warm arm around his waist was removed, curled into a tighter ball, and murmured something in his sleep. Seishirou looked down at him, feeling something very odd indeed . . . affection, perhaps? It was a nice feeling. Kind of warm inside. Seishirou found himself smiling. Not smirking. Actually smiling.
He shook his head, still smiling a little. What you do to me, Subaru-kun . . .
He reached out and found some blankets at the foot of the bed, draping them gently over Subaru’s sleeping form. He stood back for a few minutes, then realized he’d been staring at Subaru for quite a while now, accomplishing absolutely nothing. Just standing there staring at the other man.
This should tell you something, he reflected. He decided to make breakfast. Subaru would like breakfast in bed. It would be cute. He would probably blush and stammer “S-Seishirou-san!” just like he always did. It would have been better if he’d still been wearing his old dinosaur pajamas, but Seishirou decided not to complain.
Seishirou wandered out to the kitchen after getting dressed, searching for food. He glanced at the clock on the way, and was astonished to see that he had slept until ten o’clock - incredibly late for him. Then again, the day before had been trying, to say the least. He made breakfast and carried it into the other room.
Subaru had curled on his side, frowning faintly now that Seishirou had left. It made Seishirou smile. He put the tray on a side table and shook the younger man gently.
Subaru’s eyes flickered. “Ehh . . .?” he mumbled, lifting one hand to rub his eyes.
“Wake up, Subaru-kun,” Seishirou said gently. “It’s morning. I have some breakfast for you.”
Subaru sat up, shoving his hair out of his face blearily. “Ohh.” The blanket slid from his shoulders to pool in his lap. Seishirou simply stared at him. He was absolutely adorable.
Seishirou sat on the edge of the bed and put the tray between them. “How are you feeling this morning?”
“Okay . . . tired . . . how late is it?”
“It’s almost eleven,” Seishirou remarked at the wrong moment, nearly causing Subaru to spray him with a large mouthful of tea.
“Eleven?” Subaru looked panicked.
“Subaru-kun, you slept in. This is not the crisis you think it is. Eat your breakfast.”
Subaru blinked. Then he poked at the food.
“It’s not poisoned.”
“I know,” Subaru said, and started eating. “I just don’t usually eat breakfast. Tea and rice is more my style.”
“Oh.” Seishirou found himself surprisingly downcast. “If you don’t want it - ”
Subaru smiled suddenly, lighting up his eyes. “No, of course I want it. I was just surprised. I’m not used to breakfast in bed.”
“Well, get used to it,” Seishirou said, then blinked and thought, Did I just say that?
Subaru nearly choked on his tea again. Did he just say that?
Seishirou, seeing Subaru’s reaction, thought, Yes, I said it. He wasn’t entirely sure this was a bad thing . . . Subaru-kun was even cuter flustered than he was in the mornings.
Predictably, Subaru stammered, “S-S-Seishirou-san!”
“Subaru-kun, you’re twenty-six. You don’t need to add the honorific anymore.”
Subaru looked down and mumbled something, his cheeks turning a brilliant shade of red.
Amused, Seishirou decided to needle him some more. “Especially considering what happened last night . . .”
Subaru made a strangled noise of protest. “Nothing happened!”
Seishirou leaned very, very close. “Which is why you woke up in my bed this morning?”
“Seishirou, that’s not fair.”
Seishirou sat back with a pleased smile. “See, I knew I could get you to stop using the honorific.”
Subaru glared at him. “I should’ve let the sakura eat you.”
“Now who’s being unfair?” Seishirou asked. “Besides, from our conversation last night, I thought you wanted it to be a matter of romance?”
“We never agreed on that.”
Seishirou chuckled. “I’m not arguing. You’re the one having a problem with it.”
“Well . . .” Subaru looked at the blankets. “We were mortal enemies, you know.”
“That’s over now,” Seishirou reminded him.
“I know, but every time I feel . . .” Subaru began to blush and decided to leave off the second half of the sentence, which would explain exactly what he was feeling. “I instinctively want to turn it around somehow. It makes my hair stand on end.”
Seishirou, naturally, was not to be put off. He leaned close again. “Every time you feel what?”
Subaru would have blushed, but he was too busy staring into Seishirou’s eyes to bother being embarrassed. He searched for words, and couldn’t find a thing.
It didn’t matter; Seishirou could read every thought in his glass green eyes. He raised one hand and traced Subaru’s lips, giving the other man fair warning before he leaned in to kiss him.
Subaru stiffened in his arms, which was not a bad thing as far as Seishirou was concerned. He was expecting Subaru to pass out or punch him; he wasn’t sure which. He definitely was not expecting what happened next; namely, that Subaru slid his arms around Seishirou’s waist and kissed him back. Seishirou reached out absently to move the breakfast tray so nothing would get spilled, then pulled Subaru closer. The younger man pulled away a little, coming up for air. “Seishirou-san, I . . .”
Seishirou didn’t give him a chance to say whatever it was, sure that Subaru was not exactly going to be coherent. He put a hand on the back of Subaru’s neck and pulled him in for another kiss.
They broke apart a minute later, both of them rather breathless. Seishirou gave Subaru a genuine smile. “Well, who’d have guessed. My Subaru-kun is a good kisser.”
Subaru turned crimson.
“But you shouldn’t get embarrassed so easily.” Seishirou flopped backwards so his head was in Subaru’s lap.
“I’m allowed to be embarrassed if I want, that was my first kiss,” Subaru said.
“You’re twenty-six years old and that was your first kiss?”
Subaru glared. “Yes. Is this a problem?”
“No, I’m glad no one else dared lay a finger on my Subaru-kun. I like you innocent.”
Subaru sighed. “Then I guess we won’t be able to ever do anything.”
“You sound so disappointed, Subaru-kun.”
“You’re the one who said you liked me innocent. And I’ll do anything for my Seishirou-san.”
Seishirou looked up at him, suddenly serious. “Really?”
“Within the bounds of reason.” Subaru smiled. “Or maybe out of them, depending on the situation.”
Seishirou simply blinked at him, surprised at his answer. Subaru . . . would do anything for him. Seishirou was starting to realize exactly what this emotion was . . . and how deep it could go. He sat up and regarded Subaru for a minute.
“What?” Subaru asked, sensing that Seishirou had gotten very serious all of a sudden.
“Subaru-kun . . . ten years ago, before . . . before I left . . . did you love me then?”
Subaru looked down at the blankets. “Hai,” he answered softly. “Though I didn’t realize . . . what it was.”
Seishirou took Subaru’s chin in his fingers and gently made the younger man look at him. “Subaru-kun . . . if I had known then, what this feels like . . . believe me, I never would have . . .” His voice trailed off as he tried to make himself coherent.
Subaru reached up and touched Seishirou’s cheek. “I know,” he said simply. Then his eyes widened as the first part of what Seishirou said sank in. “Does that mean you . . .”
As an answer, Seishirou pulled Subaru to him again. “Ai shiteru,” he whispered, burying his face in Subaru’s shoulder. He didn’t quite believe was he was saying, but he knew that it was true all the same.
Subaru let out a soft gasp, his arms tightening around Seishirou’s waist. “Boku mo,” he murmured into Seishirou’s shirt.
They stayed like that for a long time.
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